"Apprenticships" in M/s

[Thoughtwrangler]

I just had a really lovely compliment paid to me.

A user on the site (I won't name them since they PM'd me I will assume that they want to remain anonymous) messaged me and said that due to some of the posts that my slave and I have made that I seem knowledgeable and experienced as a Master.

Because of this they wondered if I would teach them how to be a Master. I've politely declined because a) I have no real knowledge of BDSM "technique" so I couldn't teach that and b) what I do have and why my relationship with my pet is so strong is a strong ability to understand people. My pet often says that I can explain what she's just explained to me so much better than she did. But I feel like that's something that can really only be learned through experience.

For those who are interested I gave three pieces of advice.

1. Be patient.
2. Admit when you are wrong (we all make mistakes, being a dominant doesn't change that).
3. Respect your sub (just because you are inflicting pain and humiliation on someone doesn't mean you don't respect them. I respect my slave on so many levels and I wouldn't get her to do anything I didn't think she truly wanted).

What I would like to know from everyone else is has anyone else ever done something like this? Were you the teacher or the student? Did you feel it worked? Would you like to teach/be taught? Has anyone ever had a similar thing as a slave?

Looking forward to hearing from others.

Thought.

[LadyCeleste]

This is an interesting topic. I have been on both the teaching and student end of the domination scale and I will say that I was lucky to have the teacher I did. He was patient with me and taught me everything he knew. Of course, I have since adapted on it and became the dom my current submissive knows me as.

I've offered to teach others how to be better dominants or teach them about domination because they have asked. I'm always very careful to not teach them everything I know because they won't learn that way. I give them places to go to learn more, tasks that they can do to help better themselves and when they are ready, I have them dominate someone they know under my close supervision. Once they are ready, I let them off on their own and they will come back to me with questions now and again. Due to my style, I find I have received a lot of requests but not everyone will make the cut to be able to be trained under me for the simple fact that my style is so powerful that it can cause a lot of damage if in the wrong hands.

[Star Shadows]

I have been/ am in the process of being taught how to domme, I guess its going ok but I seem to struggle more with the things that I cant really be taught (Ie the self confidence) but I love my mentor- she has so much more faith in me than I do. I feel what she is doing must be working as I know more than I did before, I just don't feel ready to go out on my own yet. But I guess it will take some time to get that far.

I do however feel that the idea of providing the infrastructure of apprenticeships to new "masters/ Mistresses" on the scene may actually be quite beneficial to the lifestyle and safer for those involved. But not everyone may suit it or appreciate it etc. Hmm *ponders*

[Thoughtwrangler]

Always love to see two of my favourite girls of getDare comment on a post.

Lady Celeste, I think you're a really good example of where it's worked. I'm not sure but I've got an inkling I read somewhere that you mentioned you taught people. I think part of the reason it's worked though is that you're obviously an intelligent woman and a good teacher. As you've said you don't train just anyone and I wonder if the person isn't right to be a dominant if they could be taught to.

Star Shadows, I think you're touching on a thought I had just after I posted this thread. What if there was someway that people new to getDare or new to being a Dominant could find someone to help them on getDare? Then I realised there is. It's called the forums.

I like the idea of something more specific but I don't know that it would be a good thing. I think there might be a lot of people who you don't necessarily want teaching/influencing others getting involved there because of pride and bravado.

On the other hand it could be really positive, I often whinge about how so many users write short one line ad's or put ridiculous tasks in the Punishment Ideas section. Perhaps given some guidance from other more mature users that perhaps that would change in some people.

[Mickiz]

Hey guys, i'm new here and this is my first post. Thought I'd post here since it's an interesting topic.

I myself was taught about Domming from a very experienced man that I was lucky to meet and his wife, who was also his sub. They're both incredibly nice people and we've remained good friends for years now.

I was very grateful for all the advice they gave me since they are experienced players and I - at the time, a few years ago - was a total novice, in slightly over my head, since at the time I already was in a relationship with a sub. I remember I knew what I wanted to achieve with her - but wasn't quite sure how to get there.

All this being said, I don't think you can write a "How to Dom" guide since the experience is so personal and unique to the individuals involved in the relationship. And the fact is, in my opinion, you're either a natural Dom, or you're not. I don't think the whole thing is something that you can teach to someone since it's really just a part of a person's personality that enjoys the dominance over another. But, of course, there's no harm in giving some tips to beginners

[DarkAndEvil]

Originally Posted by Mickiz

All this being said, I don't think you can write a "How to Dom" guide since the experience is so personal and unique to the individuals involved in the relationship.

I couldn't have put it better myself - the dynamic within each relationship is different and completely unique, so the same dominant may be different between relationships (I hope that means learning and developing).

I actually saw part of an episode of Dr Who last night (I don't watch much TV) - and realised that I see a submissive's brain much like the controls of the tardis; that is to say that a little tweak here or there is going to produce the right reaction when everything else is at a certain point. I just know it, I can't put it into words and define it. Whether I'm a good dominant or not can only be judged by others, but I know for sure I couldn't draw up a lesson plan and teach a step-by-step guide.

I suspect that to some extent the best that people can offer newer dominants is mentoring from someone with more experience (that's more actual experience, not experience in sending "kneel bitch" emails). I'm not offering to be one of those people (I'm not charitable, or available enough for that), but some virtual hand-holding (and perhaps sitting in on a scene with someone) might help some.

[em52388]

While it may not be possible to write a "How to" guide for teaching someone to be a Dom, there are a few that teach techniques for dominating safely when it comes to the bondage side of things. I also want to point out that I like the advice Thoughtwrangler gave in his initial post. As a new Dom myself it is nice to see advice from those who know what they are doing. If anyone could give me any tips that would make me better with a sub I was lucky enough to obtain a little over a week ago I would love to hear it. Please PM me with your advice as I want to keep this thread for its original discussion.

[Thoughtwrangler]

Thanks for the input guys.

Em you made a good point, there's a difference between teaching someone technique to safely accomplish what they want to do and teaching someone how to be a Dominant in terms of how to approach that responsibility and attitude.

I think that it's entirely appropriate for people to teach/learn technique but not be taught how to be the right person to be a Master/Mistress. In fact I would advise anyone who is getting a slave/sub to do something new whether that be online or in real life to research or at very least think about what possible problems could come up.

As for this notion that I am experienced or that I know what I'm doing, I would strongly disagree. I just follow my own advice and make sure that I am very careful with my pet. This in turn helps her to trust me and allow me to push her further. Aside from that I'm feeling my way around a dark room, metaphorically speaking.

I'm happy for people to post on here if they have any general advice.

[LadyCeleste]

Lady Celeste, I think you're a really good example of where it's worked. I'm not sure but I've got an inkling I read somewhere that you mentioned you taught people. I think part of the reason it's worked though is that you're obviously an intelligent woman and a good teacher. As you've said you don't train just anyone and I wonder if the person isn't right to be a dominant if they could be taught to.

Thank you very much, I appreciate the compliment. In other parts of the forums, I might have mentioned it at some point that I have taught others. As for your last pondering bit, I'm not entirely sure it is possible. There are certain submissives who wish to learn how to be dominant but they do not have a single dominant streak in them and I find that those are the ones who are not able to be trained to be dominant.

On the other hand it could be really positive, I often whinge about how so many users write short one line ad's or put ridiculous tasks in the Punishment Ideas section. Perhaps given some guidance from other more mature users that perhaps that would change in some people.

Many of us have tried, the ads are slowly getting better because of the Top Ads section for the ads, but maybe another section for "top requests" might be a good idea.

[MasterJinNY]

Originally Posted by Thoughtwrangler

For those who are interested I gave three pieces of advice.

1. Be patient.
2. Admit when you are wrong (we all make mistakes, being a dominant doesn't change that).
3. Respect your sub (just because you are inflicting pain and humiliation on someone doesn't mean you don't respect them. I respect my slave on so many levels and I wouldn't get her to do anything I didn't think she truly wanted).

What I would like to know from everyone else is has anyone else ever done something like this? Were you the teacher or the student? Did you feel it worked? Would you like to teach/be taught? Has anyone ever had a similar thing as a slave?

Looking forward to hearing from others.

Thought.

I have taught before and your three items are KEY.
Respect is something that is often forgotten D\s ends up bordering on abuse.

I have taught and it went well, I just explained to both what the lifestyle is about, some great sites for learning and walk them through the basics to get them on their way and going. Went back and forth for a while with emails and then they were on their own.

Great post.