Messy Waiter Dice Dare [SINGLE][R]

[Burst]

A cross between a dice dare and a choose your own adventure story, and inspired by one of my favorites from tfd...written from the pov of a hetero guy, but should be easy enough to change if you want...I recommend standing over plastic or in the tub as you’ll want to collect anything that falls out and don’t want to make too much of a mess, right?

**

In this economy, you take any job you can find. With that in mind, you walk into the “Lucky Mess Cafe” and ask about the "Help Wanted" sign in the window. The manager gives you a look, shakes her head, and says “Ok...I guess you are hired - but don’t blame me....” You ask her for more info, but she just chuckles and sends you in the back to change into your uniform...

Your unisex uniform consists of:

1. A thong and a bandanna - the chain’s trademark look!
2. A hefty bag - everything else was dirty
3. A pair of panties - but why were they in that bowl of scrambled eggs?
4. Pantyhose - very slimming
5. Tighty-whities - although they are not all that white with the jelly in the crotch...
6. A one-piece bathing suit - almost demure compared to the other choices, no?

You come out of the back room in your uniform, nervous, but ready for your first day of work. The manager tells you that the job is relatively simple - you take the “orders” and provide the “service.” You can hear the air quotes, and that just makes you even more nervous.

The manager points you to the first table and tells you that breakfast is almost over, so try and get rid of the last of the morning’s options. You take a moment to look over the menu and can’t help but notice that the menu notes that the food is served “any way the customer wants.” But hey - you need the job and what could go wrong...with that in mind, you walk over to the table with two cute customers waiting.

Breakfast offerings (roll twice and re-roll for duplicates)

1. A Dozen Eggs
2. Pancake Batter
3. Pancake Syrup
4. Oatmeal
5. Corn Flakes and milk
6. Cottage Cheese

You take the orders, thinking this isn’t so bad. Then the first woman at the table says “I know how I want my breakfast. I want it served down the back of your pants!”. The other woman says “Not me. I want my breakfast served down the FRONT of your pants!” You give them both a look, and then look over at the manager. She gives you a look and a nod that says “Get on with it!” So - you get on with it, walk back to the kitchen, and get ready to serve breakfast...

Once you have the food in place, you head back out to serve the table. Standing there while two cute women pull breakfast out of your pants is one of the strangest experiences of your life. Then they ask for something to drink:

1-2 Milk
3-4 Chocolate Milk
5-6 OJ

You are afraid to ask, as you should be. “We’ll take that served over your head, please!”

After 10 minutes, they get up from the table and head out, leaving you a healthy tip and a wink. You? You want a change and a shower, but it's time to prep for lunch and your manager tells you to get ready immediately.

Lunch is your basic menu - hot dogs and the like, and you make it through almost the entire meal with nothing worse than the mess you already suffered and a few giggles. Then you get the table with a beautiful woman with an evil gleam in her eye.

"I'll have the hot dog special," she says. With:

1-2 Katsup
3-4 Mustard
5 Relish
6 All three

And the side of:

1-2 Mac and cheese
3-4 Baked Beans
5 Chili
6 All three

“But hold the bun. And the hot dog. I’ll take it on that one instead,” she says, pointing at your crotch. You know what that means - into the kitchen to dump her order down your shorts!

After another 10 minute meal, you get another big tip. And directions to clean the place up a bit and put everything into a bucket the manager gave you. It takes you a while, and you

1-3 just have time to clean out your shorts a bit into the bucket
4-6 don’t even have time to clean out your shorts! Too bad...

Dinner service is all-you-can-eat spaghetti-os, and the stuff looks like it comes directly out of the can. Ewww... This crowd, unlike lunch, knows exactly what it is doing, and the manager tells you to go ahead and get some cans ready.

1. 2 cans
2. 4 cans
3. 3 cans
4. 4 cans
5. 3 cans
6. 2 cans

No need to go through the details - this crowd dumps every one over your head!

Covered in spaghetti-os, your manager says it is time for dessert, and gives you a card with the Dessert Specials. She tells you to just read them. So over to the last table of 2 you go, and read off the Specials:

(Roll twice and re-roll for duplicates)

1. A pie in the face, and one in the crotch - which one looks better?
2. Pudding pants - vanilla in the front, chocolate in the back
3. Chocolate and caramel covered “nuts” - guess where the “nuts” come in...
4. 6 Donuts on a “stick” - guess where the “stick” comes in...
5. The fluffernutter - marshamallow fluff and peanut butter on “buns” - guess where the “buns” come in...
6. Fruit pie ala waiter...take an apple / cherry / blueberry pie over the head with a healthy dose of whipped cream

Another 10 minutes pass, and finally the night is over. You ask the manager if you can finally leave, and she says “Sure - right after you clean up. Make sure you scrape everything into that bucket and let me know when you are done.”

You gather up as much as you can from the floor, the tables, and even off of your body, and put it into the bucket. You call her over, and she gives you a quick look. “Nice job,” she says, “but you missed a spot.” “Where?” you ask. “Right here!” she says, grabs the bucket, and

1. Dumps it over your head.
2. Dumps it down the front of your shorts.
3. Dumps it down the back of your shorts.
4. Tells you to dunk your head into the bucket.
5. Tells you to lie down and pours the bucket over your body.
6. Dumps it over your head.

With that, she pays you for the day and asks if you’ll be back for another shift. The worst part? You just might!