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Old 06-25-2013, 12:35 AM   #23
Kira
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I like it so far (halfway through part 4 now) but I've got some problems with the way you're describing Valerie. You are describing her as not attractive because she's fat, and as if she is less of a person because of this. That kind of stuff offends me even though the rest of the story is interesting and well written.
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