Dominants, please pay attention to your words

[Quietwench]

This entreaty comes from a submissive switch with not a whole lot of experience, but please at least give thought to what I am saying, please don't dismiss it out of turn.
You is going to refer to a dom(me) unless otherwise stated. She, her is going to refer to male or female submissive, simply for ease of typing.

Please, when you are talking to your sub, consider what words you use even if s(he) is ok with them. At first, words can often seem alright, your sub is ok with you using them on her, you have talked about what crosses the line and what doesn't, it seems like all the bases have been covered.
And yet, sometimes the words add up, at first seeming to have no effect, but over time they can make a person feel like the word. As an example, worthless, it can be paired with many other words, slut, whore, pet, love... And especially if a sub enjoys humiliation, or that sort of thing, a reasonable questions would be where is the harm in using it?

I cannot give an answer for all, but many times it can start to sink in far deeper than intended. It is capable of becoming a description the submissive uses to describe herself out of scene, because she has heard it so often and has started to believe it. It leaves a mark that doesn't necessarily fade, doesn't dim, and can lead to serious consequences in self esteem and other areas especially if the relationship stops working.

So while those words can be very enjoyable, and I am by no means suggesting abstaining, please consider the way you say it, and if there are counterbalances such as worthy, precious, loved, smart... Consider what words you use to address your submissive most frequently and what effect they can have.

Happy to hear others opinions

Thank you,

Quietwench

[Your Dom]

I honestly think the responsibility lies with the submissive to begin with.

If you want to be treated a certain way, Called certain names and you ask for that ... You will get it!!

I would never aim to make anyone feel worthless or even to insult them, But i once had a sub who requested to be labeled "My worthless sub" by myself... If she ever felt put down or insulted then that is a result of her request.

What a lot of people don't realize on here is that, For example i am dom.
My position means i enjoy to control a submissive in HER way, She may be sub but in the end they have the ultimate control and call the shots, As a dom i will make her submission as interesting as i can whilst obeying HER limits and in a strange way doing what SHE wants.

So as you can see, Subs in the end only get and be treated the way THEY want to ... Meaning the responsibility lies with them and not the dom.

[lez.lexi]

Quiet - This is a great post even the humiliationsluts have human needs

[selfbondageslave]

I think the dominating should be careful , he should use these words , but not always . Especially in an offline relationship , such words can destroy a person . Also these words have to be used , but the number of times a person keeps using them , really makes one sad .

[Your Dom]

But would you not agree that any sub wanting to include name calling should be responsible for how often?

I only use words that have been requested, Although i dont tend to over use words anyway as it gets boring, I do think the submissive should point out they want them used like only when in role play mode or when dom is giving a task etc

[hennaedhair]

I agree with Your Dom, parameters have to be set at the start of a relationship and it's the sort of thing which should be discussed or pointed out near the beginning or when the dom is approaching a line.

[Sharp Shooter]

I very much agree with the caution how the constant use of certain degrading or humiliating words can have a cumulative effect on a submissive. Eventually the meaning and intent of the words will go deeper into the sub's psyche than anyone may have originally intended.

For that reason, it's even more important for the dominant to take control of the situation, to modify or even stop the harmful behavior (ironically one that the sub wants yet the dominant makes happen) to protect the wellbeing of the sub.

The final responsibility belongs to the dominant, regardless of whether the sub "asked for it" or not. Failing to protect the sub is probably the most serious fault a dominant can have.