Being a slave to a cute stranger (fiction)

kitty63 · 02-15-2009, 12:39 PM

Okay, this is my first story and I'm sorry if I don't post for a long time, because I have classes and everything, but it's a 90% chance that I'm going to go through the entire story without ditching it, because I know how annoying it is whenever people do that.

When I post the first part (which should be today), I'd like some feedback or at least let me know that you're reading it. And I like receiving constructive criticism and suggestions as to how to make the story better.

kitty63 · 02-15-2009, 01:28 PM

I brushed my extremely wet hair out of my face as I trudged through the pouring rain. There was no one out on the street but me, so when the rain soaked through my white T-shirt and made it see-through, I couldn't care less. This wasn't normal for me. Usually, I was very self-conscious about what people could see. Now, it didn't matter. There was no one out here, and even if there was, I still wouldn't care.

I had a bra, but I hadn't had a chance to put it on, so I might as well have gone completely topless.

I had run away from home, and all I had was a backpack full of clothes and everything I would need. Except a jacket. I was freezing, and I needed to get to a phone. I didn't even know who I was going to call. I didn't even have any money. I guess asking to use a phone was just an excuse to get somewhere warm.

I looked around. All of the stores were closed, and the houses looked as if there was no one home.

I stopped at a house that was nice, but it didn't look like the person living there had taken care of it very well. The front lawn was covered in weeds and there was a swing hanging from a tree, but it looked like it was going to snap in half if anyone used it. I walked up to the porch and rang the doorbell. About 30 seconds later, the door opened.

A boy answered. He looked about my age, but I'd never seen him around school. I could've sworn I saw him smirk a little at my see-through shirt.

"Um," I said, uncomfortable under his close gaze. "Could I use your phone?"
"Sure." His voice was really deep.
I walked in. The house was unbelievably nice on the inside, completely different from the outside.
"Here." He wrapped a towel around me and led me into the kitchen/living room. The TV was tuned to the news channel.

He picked up the phone and listened for the tone, but it was dead. "Um, I think the storm cut off the phone lines."
"Oh, okay. I guess I'll just go. Thanks anyway." I was about to walk out, but he stopped me.
"Hey, wait. Do you even have a jacket?" His eyebrows knit together in worry.
"Well, no, but--"
"But nothing. You're staying with me, at least until the storm lets up. Come with me. You can change into dry clothes in my room."

***

That's it for part 1. I know it's kind of slow, but I promise that it'll follow the title by part 2, which I might be able to post today. Please comment and tell me what you think!

batman · 02-15-2009, 02:31 PM

this is cool its got real potensial

kitty63 · 02-15-2009, 03:01 PM

Part 2

When I arrived in his room, I saw him staring at his computer screen, which was on his getDare profile. I walked toward it and realized that he was looking for a slave. He looked at me.
"I'm Mark," he said, holding out his hand.
"Isabel." I shook it.
"So how about it? Want to be my slave?"
"Um, I don't know..." I knew about the whole slave/master thing and had been extremely curious about it. But I had read stories about it and I knew that I'd never have the guts to do things slaves do. I wasn't the most wild girl in the world, and I barely knew this guy.

Mark must've sensed my hesitation, because he said, "Come on, I won't make you do anything too wild. And there isn't much we can do inside."
"Um, okay. But I've never done this before, so--"
"No worries. Give me your backpack."
I obeyed, and he poured the contents of my backpack on his bed.

I shifted from foot to foot in embarrassment. There was a miniskirt, 2 thongs, a pair of short-shorts, 2 lace bras, a t-shirt, and a tube top. I didn't have enough room to put jeans or anything any less revealing in there, so I took what I could.
Mark smiled and looked at me.
"Okay, strip," he ordered.
"Completely?" Deep down, I knew he meant completely, but I had never done this before and was nervous.
"Yes, completely." He gave me a look that said, "Duh."
I slowly took off all my clothes and gave them to him.
Mark smirked at my breasts, which were still hard after being so cold. He gave me a lace bra and a thong to put on. Then he made me crawl back down to the living room in my hands and knees.

As we watched TV, I sat on his lap. When it was 7:30, the rain was letting up a bit, so he sent me out for groceries. He gave me a shopping list, money, and a list of things to do while at the store. Also, I had to wear a tube top with a miniskirt with no bra or panties.

The list of things to do went like this:

-You must give an employee a clear view of your ass
-I only gave you half of the money needed to buy all of the groceries. You must do whatever it takes to avoid paying that other half
-I'll drive you to the store, but after you've walked out of the store, you must take your top off and hitchhike back home.

***

that's it for part 2! please tell me what you think!

doomed_soul89 · 02-15-2009, 03:27 PM

a little short and you could stand to have more detail to help the story flow from one part to the next and you didn't really set up the slave thing right, it went from her thinking it and him asking for her to be his slave without him even knowing she saw it, but for a first story it's pretty good

jac_sicarius · 02-15-2009, 04:09 PM

quite good i agree with doomed but definetly{sorry for spelling sleepy :\} looks like it has potential

batman · 02-15-2009, 05:34 PM

these are good but you need to make them longer

coolio5 · 02-16-2009, 11:59 AM

good start, but a couple suggestions

you havnt really given a lot of detail on the characters (age,looks, etc.)

also, it seems a little unlikly that a girl would just strip and become a slave to some random guy shes never .

but other then that, nice story with potential.

Officelover · 02-16-2009, 12:27 PM

What the hell was that? Instantaneously this girl decides to be a complete stranger's slave? Really. Seeing that there is no blackmail, this is almost an insult to BDSM.

coolio5 · 02-16-2009, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Officelover

What the hell was that? Instantaneously this girl decides to be a complete stranger's slave? Really. Seeing that there is no blackmail, this is almost an insult to BDSM.

thats a little harsh. not all s/m stories have to have blackmail.

i will admit that not a lot of detail was given on why she became a slave.

but good luck, this story could have a lot potential

doomed_soul89 · 02-17-2009, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Officelover

What the hell was that? Instantaneously this girl decides to be a complete stranger's slave? Really. Seeing that there is no blackmail, this is almost an insult to BDSM.

dude lol your obviously not a good master if you think you need to blackmail a girl to get her to be your slave but what I think this story could use, is her need to be a slave, since she doesn't want to go home and needs a place to stay

Officelover · 02-17-2009, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doomed_soul89

dude lol your obviously not a good master if you think you need to blackmail a girl to get her to be your slave but what I think this story could use, is her need to be a slave, since she doesn't want to go home and needs a place to stay

A) I'm not a master, I'm a switch with an attitude more towards sub.

B) I don't think that all relationships like this should have blackmail. I think that if a girl walks into a stangers house, and is asked out of the blue "Want to be my slave?" She should call the cops, no matter the situation. It seems to me that BDSM relationships have to be taken SLOWLY Not "Sure I'll be your slave" after two seconds of thought.

Smile · 02-17-2009, 06:51 PM

i think you would be able to get away with the "sure i will be your slave" thing if it was more light hearted and he proved to be an unexperienced master, but he made her do more serious tasks.

Also it moved too fast, and could use more description, if it was one of those "the master is powerful and dominating" things then you could get away with the mystery of it, but since it isnt, like that and he treated her as a friendly stranger then he has a definded personality ect

(im very tired, may not have made sense, not sure)

02-15-2009, 12:39 PM	#1
kitty63 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 3	Being a slave to a cute stranger (fiction) Okay, this is my first story and I'm sorry if I don't post for a long time, because I have classes and everything, but it's a 90% chance that I'm going to go through the entire story without ditching it, because I know how annoying it is whenever people do that. When I post the first part (which should be today), I'd like some feedback or at least let me know that you're reading it. And I like receiving constructive criticism and suggestions as to how to make the story better.

02-15-2009, 02:31 PM	#3
batman getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 352 Blog Entries: 2	this is cool its got real potensial __________________ In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move. douglas adams loves....public,orgasm,nudity limits.....familly,pain,poo. looking for people my age to do dares with and dares to do in school, pm me

02-15-2009, 05:34 PM	#7
batman getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 352 Blog Entries: 2	these are good but you need to make them longer __________________ In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move. douglas adams loves....public,orgasm,nudity limits.....familly,pain,poo. looking for people my age to do dares with and dares to do in school, pm me

02-16-2009, 11:59 AM	#8
coolio5 Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Pennsylvania, U.S. Posts: 223 Blog Entries: 1	good start, but a couple suggestions you havnt really given a lot of detail on the characters (age,looks, etc.) also, it seems a little unlikly that a girl would just strip and become a slave to some random guy shes never . but other then that, nice story with potential. __________________ 16 year old male Limits: permanent, illegal, family, poo, anal, extreme pain PM me with any good dares HIGH QUALITY READING MATERIAL: FINISHED "Strip Basketball"!!!! http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=11996 (3rd place in the 2008 Storyteller's Choice Awards!!!) IN PROGRESS "That crazy school trip..." http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthrea...904#post182904

02-16-2009, 12:27 PM	#9
Officelover Truth or Dare Enthusiast Join Date: May 2008 Location: New England Posts: 2,602 Blog Entries: 107	What the hell was that? Instantaneously this girl decides to be a complete stranger's slave? Really. Seeing that there is no blackmail, this is almost an insult to BDSM. __________________ 20 Trans Femme Nonbinary Ass Collector Writes Poetry On Aluminum Foil with Gold Gel Pens Fills Mason Jar with Vodka I'm Doing A Cleanse White Kid with Black Nails

02-15-2009, 01:28 PM	#2
kitty63 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 3	I brushed my extremely wet hair out of my face as I trudged through the pouring rain. There was no one out on the street but me, so when the rain soaked through my white T-shirt and made it see-through, I couldn't care less. This wasn't normal for me. Usually, I was very self-conscious about what people could see. Now, it didn't matter. There was no one out here, and even if there was, I still wouldn't care. I had a bra, but I hadn't had a chance to put it on, so I might as well have gone completely topless. I had run away from home, and all I had was a backpack full of clothes and everything I would need. Except a jacket. I was freezing, and I needed to get to a phone. I didn't even know who I was going to call. I didn't even have any money. I guess asking to use a phone was just an excuse to get somewhere warm. I looked around. All of the stores were closed, and the houses looked as if there was no one home. I stopped at a house that was nice, but it didn't look like the person living there had taken care of it very well. The front lawn was covered in weeds and there was a swing hanging from a tree, but it looked like it was going to snap in half if anyone used it. I walked up to the porch and rang the doorbell. About 30 seconds later, the door opened. A boy answered. He looked about my age, but I'd never seen him around school. I could've sworn I saw him smirk a little at my see-through shirt. "Um," I said, uncomfortable under his close gaze. "Could I use your phone?" "Sure." His voice was really deep. I walked in. The house was unbelievably nice on the inside, completely different from the outside. "Here." He wrapped a towel around me and led me into the kitchen/living room. The TV was tuned to the news channel. He picked up the phone and listened for the tone, but it was dead. "Um, I think the storm cut off the phone lines." "Oh, okay. I guess I'll just go. Thanks anyway." I was about to walk out, but he stopped me. "Hey, wait. Do you even have a jacket?" His eyebrows knit together in worry. "Well, no, but--" "But nothing. You're staying with me, at least until the storm lets up. Come with me. You can change into dry clothes in my room." *** That's it for part 1. I know it's kind of slow, but I promise that it'll follow the title by part 2, which I might be able to post today. Please comment and tell me what you think!

02-15-2009, 03:01 PM	#4
kitty63 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 3	Part 2 When I arrived in his room, I saw him staring at his computer screen, which was on his getDare profile. I walked toward it and realized that he was looking for a slave. He looked at me. "I'm Mark," he said, holding out his hand. "Isabel." I shook it. "So how about it? Want to be my slave?" "Um, I don't know..." I knew about the whole slave/master thing and had been extremely curious about it. But I had read stories about it and I knew that I'd never have the guts to do things slaves do. I wasn't the most wild girl in the world, and I barely knew this guy. Mark must've sensed my hesitation, because he said, "Come on, I won't make you do anything too wild. And there isn't much we can do inside." "Um, okay. But I've never done this before, so--" "No worries. Give me your backpack." I obeyed, and he poured the contents of my backpack on his bed. I shifted from foot to foot in embarrassment. There was a miniskirt, 2 thongs, a pair of short-shorts, 2 lace bras, a t-shirt, and a tube top. I didn't have enough room to put jeans or anything any less revealing in there, so I took what I could. Mark smiled and looked at me. "Okay, strip," he ordered. "Completely?" Deep down, I knew he meant completely, but I had never done this before and was nervous. "Yes, completely." He gave me a look that said, "Duh." I slowly took off all my clothes and gave them to him. Mark smirked at my breasts, which were still hard after being so cold. He gave me a lace bra and a thong to put on. Then he made me crawl back down to the living room in my hands and knees. As we watched TV, I sat on his lap. When it was 7:30, the rain was letting up a bit, so he sent me out for groceries. He gave me a shopping list, money, and a list of things to do while at the store. Also, I had to wear a tube top with a miniskirt with no bra or panties. The list of things to do went like this: -You must give an employee a clear view of your ass -I only gave you half of the money needed to buy all of the groceries. You must do whatever it takes to avoid paying that other half -I'll drive you to the store, but after you've walked out of the store, you must take your top off and hitchhike back home. *** that's it for part 2! please tell me what you think!

02-15-2009, 03:27 PM	#5
doomed_soul89 Account Banned Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: bc canada Posts: 438	a little short and you could stand to have more detail to help the story flow from one part to the next and you didn't really set up the slave thing right, it went from her thinking it and him asking for her to be his slave without him even knowing she saw it, but for a first story it's pretty good

02-15-2009, 04:09 PM	#6
jac_sicarius Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: UK Posts: 29 Blog Entries: 1	quite good i agree with doomed but definetly{sorry for spelling sleepy :\} looks like it has potential

02-17-2009, 06:51 PM	#13
Smile Account Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: "I just don't give a fuck" Posts: 1,402 Blog Entries: 6	i think you would be able to get away with the "sure i will be your slave" thing if it was more light hearted and he proved to be an unexperienced master, but he made her do more serious tasks. Also it moved too fast, and could use more description, if it was one of those "the master is powerful and dominating" things then you could get away with the mystery of it, but since it isnt, like that and he treated her as a friendly stranger then he has a definded personality ect (im very tired, may not have made sense, not sure) __________________ 4 Days Left. Note: If I use "" it is meant to be as a dazed daydream look, not an insult.