Advice-Being too nice/lenient?

hebe · 10-15-2012, 05:37 PM

Those who know me know I haven't been doming very long and my cute pet recently got sick (like vomiting and feverish). When things like this happen my first priority is to be sure he's being taking care of within my abilities (he's a few hours away, you see) and I won't be rough with him until he's at 100% for my own peace of mind and his best interests . In times like these he apologizes for being sick to the point of groveling and to be honest I don't blame him, I mean its not like he asked to be sick.

I guess my question is do you think that's too lenient? I don't want to encourage this behavior, I just want him to get better. Do any of you cease all play while your sub/slave/pet is sick??

(My apologies for typos I wrote this on my phone!)

OverThe · 10-15-2012, 11:05 PM

A Dom's first priority is the well-being of their sub, and a sub should never feel guilty or apologize for things that are out of their control, that dilutes the meaning of apology for when it is really needed. I don't know if you can't do any type of play until he is 100%, it might be fine to do some things when he is 80 or 90 percent, but over all, I think you are on the right track, and i think you should discourage him from feeling guilty about things that are not his fault.

I would also point out that there are elements to a D/s relationship besides play, for example, a Dom cares for and guides their sub. When your sub is sick, this is more the side of the relationship that comes out, even if you aren't playing, that doesn't mean you're taking a break from the relationship, it just means it looks different for a short time.

That's my stance.

ooh · 10-16-2012, 01:42 AM

It quite simply comes down to communication. If your sub says he is feeling well enough to play, play. If he says he is feeling to tired then you really have no say in the matter.

Safe sane and consensual, the first and most important rule in BDSM.

hebe · 10-16-2012, 03:00 AM

Thanks guys, I really feel much better! I guess 80 or 90% would be fine too but the apologizing for being just bothers me since it's beyond his control. He's the opposite of me though, when I'm sick I just want to lay around and get better but he's like turbo horny and wants to play! I'll just speak to him and discourage him from apologizing for being sick. Just tell him to take care of himself (which is really all I want).

Thanks so much!

10-15-2012, 05:37 PM	#1
hebe Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: US Virginia Posts: 18	Advice-Being too nice/lenient? Those who know me know I haven't been doming very long and my cute pet recently got sick (like vomiting and feverish). When things like this happen my first priority is to be sure he's being taking care of within my abilities (he's a few hours away, you see) and I won't be rough with him until he's at 100% for my own peace of mind and his best interests . In times like these he apologizes for being sick to the point of groveling and to be honest I don't blame him, I mean its not like he asked to be sick. I guess my question is do you think that's too lenient? I don't want to encourage this behavior, I just want him to get better. Do any of you cease all play while your sub/slave/pet is sick?? (My apologies for typos I wrote this on my phone!) __________________ 23/f/va Forcing guys into dresses since 1999. Keep calm and carry on~

10-15-2012, 11:05 PM	#2
OverThe Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: 'Murica Posts: 71 Blog Entries: 1	A Dom's first priority is the well-being of their sub, and a sub should never feel guilty or apologize for things that are out of their control, that dilutes the meaning of apology for when it is really needed. I don't know if you can't do any type of play until he is 100%, it might be fine to do some things when he is 80 or 90 percent, but over all, I think you are on the right track, and i think you should discourage him from feeling guilty about things that are not his fault. I would also point out that there are elements to a D/s relationship besides play, for example, a Dom cares for and guides their sub. When your sub is sick, this is more the side of the relationship that comes out, even if you aren't playing, that doesn't mean you're taking a break from the relationship, it just means it looks different for a short time. That's my stance. __________________ "Are you in love with the art in yourself or yourself in the art?" -Constantin Stanislavski 23/m/us Dom About Me Seeking a sub

10-16-2012, 01:42 AM	#3
ooh Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 24 Blog Entries: 1	It quite simply comes down to communication. If your sub says he is feeling well enough to play, play. If he says he is feeling to tired then you really have no say in the matter. Safe sane and consensual, the first and most important rule in BDSM. __________________ 23/M/Switch Who I am and what I am into cannot even remotely be described in the few lines I have available here. However feel free to take a look here: http://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=8017

10-16-2012, 03:00 AM	#4
hebe Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: US Virginia Posts: 18	Thanks guys, I really feel much better! I guess 80 or 90% would be fine too but the apologizing for being just bothers me since it's beyond his control. He's the opposite of me though, when I'm sick I just want to lay around and get better but he's like turbo horny and wants to play! I'll just speak to him and discourage him from apologizing for being sick. Just tell him to take care of himself (which is really all I want). Thanks so much! __________________ 23/f/va Forcing guys into dresses since 1999. Keep calm and carry on~