Fiction: The trouble with nerds...

nosman112 · 02-07-2010, 06:03 PM

Hannah groaned when she spotted Timothy coming towards her.Generally,she was a nice person,but Timothy was creepy.And besides that,they were total opposites.Hannah was your typical goody-two-shoes cheerleader.She had electric blue eyes,curly blonde hair that fell slightly below her shoulders,and the perfect body.She was only fourteen,but she looked a year or two older.She was every teacher's favorite student,and normally got straight A's,even though she didnt do most of the work.Timothy was short for his age,had greasy brown hair,and was the world's biggest super-nerd.Ever since he and Hannah had been put in the same sixth-grade homeroom,he'd sort of stalked her around all the time.This was only made worse by the fact that he lived next door to him.

And so,when Hannah saw him coming up the hallway,she just assumed he was passing by hoping to get a look at her butt like normal.But this time,he stoped and said something really wierd. "Hope you dont have plans tomorrow night!" Hannah had no idea what he was talking about,and before she could ask,he had disapeared into the end-of-day locker traffic.She shrugged to herself and tried to pass it off as some nerd joke that had gone over her head.Still,she had this wierd feeling,like he knew something she didnt.

***
The next day went about like any normal friday.Except for Timothy.In every class,he stared at her with a yellow-toothed grin.She tried to pretend she didnt notice,but his stare was seriously creeping her out.Then suddenly he disapeared from classes.All anyone knew was that he had gone home early,though he wasnt sick and hadnt had any apointments.Hannah was starting to get a really bad feeling about her super-nerd stalker.Then,at lunch,Hannah checked her text messages(The cafeteria staff didnt really care what school rules were broken at lunch as long as nobody asked for an extra packet of ketchup).After responding to several messages from her friends,she found a picture message from a number she didnt recognize.When she opened it,her heart stopped.

It was a picture of her.She was in her bed,wearing only her bra and underwear.If that wasnt bad enough,her hand was right *there*,making it obvious that she was rubbing herself.Under the picture was a short message:In the gym,after school.Dont be late.Hannah knew she didnt have any choice.As the class got up to leave from lunch,Hannah's mind raced with all the worst things she could think of.Too bad the reality would be much,much worse.

vivala_dare · 02-07-2010, 06:19 PM

great start! Can I suggest one thing? turn there ages to 16. If there going to get up to things it would just feel better if they were 16 and not 14 that is all

Nice start keep up the good work.

person on get dare! · 02-07-2010, 06:42 PM

i like it please keep going

owned · 02-07-2010, 08:37 PM

use the space button. its the long button at the bottom

CollaredBlondie · 02-08-2010, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivala_dare

great start! Can I suggest one thing? turn there ages to 16. If there going to get up to things it would just feel better if they were 16 and not 14 that is all

Nice start keep up the good work.

Quoted for emphasis.

Other than that, quite enjoyted it. If he's nerdy, he might come up with some very intereting things.

sweetart · 02-08-2010, 08:37 AM

Great start! Please continue quickly!

Mr Very Daring · 02-08-2010, 11:54 AM

as per i don't really see the difference of 2 years- unless it's sex- but you haven't indicated that jet and i doubt it is. thou this could just be me coz i am 14 and prefer a 14 to a 25 for obvious reasons.
what i do is don't say ages -leaving it up to the reader's preference.
about the space bar- don't have a problem reading it and i think he's being tight and strict- it's not an English essay and all that matters is that i can be read and its content.
Also aren't they both a bit nerdy- or is it just my definition of a nerd.
great start please continue.

Slenderman - Doctor · 02-08-2010, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nosman112

Under the picture was a short message:In the gym,after school.Dont be late.Hannah knew she didnt have any choice.As the class got up to leave from lunch,Hannah's mind raced with all the worst things she could think of.Too bad the reality would be much,much worse.

My main (and only) problem with the story is the spacing and how it's set out, as shown above. Gaps are needed between sentences, and maybe quotations would help.

Under the picture was a short message: "In the gym, after school. Don't be late".

Hannah knew...

Just make sure there are spaces between the sentences and it's a good start. Don't rush into things - you have some description, but it seems to go quite quickly. Don't feel you need to get to the main action/story straight away. Build-up is always good.

But yeah. Good start so far

Star Shadows · 02-08-2010, 12:03 PM

Great start there

should turn out interesting...
(even if it is another blackmail story)

Funny pie · 02-10-2010, 06:00 PM

Has potential, don't change the age, Yeah sure they might be young, but thats how old I am... anyways, keep going, Im interested.

Funny pie · 02-18-2010, 05:56 PM

Are you gonna write more anytime soon?

02-07-2010, 06:03 PM	#1
nosman112 Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 31	The trouble with nerds... Hannah groaned when she spotted Timothy coming towards her.Generally,she was a nice person,but Timothy was creepy.And besides that,they were total opposites.Hannah was your typical goody-two-shoes cheerleader.She had electric blue eyes,curly blonde hair that fell slightly below her shoulders,and the perfect body.She was only fourteen,but she looked a year or two older.She was every teacher's favorite student,and normally got straight A's,even though she didnt do most of the work.Timothy was short for his age,had greasy brown hair,and was the world's biggest super-nerd.Ever since he and Hannah had been put in the same sixth-grade homeroom,he'd sort of stalked her around all the time.This was only made worse by the fact that he lived next door to him. And so,when Hannah saw him coming up the hallway,she just assumed he was passing by hoping to get a look at her butt like normal.But this time,he stoped and said something really wierd. "Hope you dont have plans tomorrow night!" Hannah had no idea what he was talking about,and before she could ask,he had disapeared into the end-of-day locker traffic.She shrugged to herself and tried to pass it off as some nerd joke that had gone over her head.Still,she had this wierd feeling,like he knew something she didnt. *** The next day went about like any normal friday.Except for Timothy.In every class,he stared at her with a yellow-toothed grin.She tried to pretend she didnt notice,but his stare was seriously creeping her out.Then suddenly he disapeared from classes.All anyone knew was that he had gone home early,though he wasnt sick and hadnt had any apointments.Hannah was starting to get a really bad feeling about her super-nerd stalker.Then,at lunch,Hannah checked her text messages(The cafeteria staff didnt really care what school rules were broken at lunch as long as nobody asked for an extra packet of ketchup).After responding to several messages from her friends,she found a picture message from a number she didnt recognize.When she opened it,her heart stopped. It was a picture of her.She was in her bed,wearing only her bra and underwear.If that wasnt bad enough,her hand was right there,making it obvious that she was rubbing herself.Under the picture was a short message:In the gym,after school.Dont be late.Hannah knew she didnt have any choice.As the class got up to leave from lunch,Hannah's mind raced with all the worst things she could think of.Too bad the reality would be much,much worse. __________________

02-08-2010, 08:37 AM	#6
sweetart Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 77	Great start! Please continue quickly! __________________ Likes: small anal, A little bit of toothpaste, wedgies, commando, ice, dildos made out of household items. Limits: pee/poop, food insertion/food play, family, too public, full nudity without closed doors or shut windows, & no access to buttplugs/vibes/dildos. (sorry) PM me with dares. Be Creative! Turn me on. Make me wet. (owned) and no, I do not have msn or aim! I have email, that is all. Thanks guys! xoxo Sweetart

02-08-2010, 12:03 PM	#9
Star Shadows Prodigy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 4,707 Blog Entries: 13	Great start there should turn out interesting... (even if it is another blackmail story) __________________ Do not ask me for to be your slave, your mistress, or to give you truths or dares. You're wasting your time. Informative threads: Anonymous S/M advice service Threads of note PM MEGET S/M ADVICE WORSHIPS RACHIE**

02-10-2010, 06:00 PM	#10
Funny pie Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: US Posts: 96	Has potential, don't change the age, Yeah sure they might be young, but thats how old I am... anyways, keep going, Im interested. __________________ Hello everyone. You can read my life story of dares. They are 95% true. Some dialog didn't actually happen, but I needed to edit it for the story's sake (context). You can read it here: http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=35956

02-18-2010, 05:56 PM	#11
Funny pie Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: US Posts: 96	Are you gonna write more anytime soon? __________________ Hello everyone. You can read my life story of dares. They are 95% true. Some dialog didn't actually happen, but I needed to edit it for the story's sake (context). You can read it here: http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=35956

02-07-2010, 06:19 PM	#2
vivala_dare Distinguished Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: earth lol Posts: 551 Blog Entries: 12	great start! Can I suggest one thing? turn there ages to 16. If there going to get up to things it would just feel better if they were 16 and not 14 that is all Nice start keep up the good work.

02-07-2010, 06:42 PM	#3
person on get dare! Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 73	i like it please keep going

02-07-2010, 08:37 PM	#4
owned Account Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: usa Posts: 182 Blog Entries: 1	use the space button. its the long button at the bottom

02-08-2010, 11:54 AM	#7
Mr Very Daring getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 255	as per i don't really see the difference of 2 years- unless it's sex- but you haven't indicated that jet and i doubt it is. thou this could just be me coz i am 14 and prefer a 14 to a 25 for obvious reasons. what i do is don't say ages -leaving it up to the reader's preference. about the space bar- don't have a problem reading it and i think he's being tight and strict- it's not an English essay and all that matters is that i can be read and its content. Also aren't they both a bit nerdy- or is it just my definition of a nerd. great start please continue.