It follows me around all day. My muscles tighten, jaw clenches, heart races. Anxiety fills my veins, making each breath I take icy.

Scenes relax me. Talking to my boy toy, watching Supernatural, hugging my cat, drinking hot chocolate. These things relax me.

Have you ever made a fist so tight that your hand starts to shake? And then relaxed? It's like a relief in your muscles instead of just your mind.

I'm a tense person. I worry and fret about everything,...

If you spend ten minutes in chat you will probably notice how often someone will say something along the lines of, "Looking for someone to punish me. My kik is *insert kik name here*" Now, while this might be somewhat annoying, it's fine to want to find someone to play with.

However, my quarrel is with the casual use of the word 'punishment'. People will also post threads asking for a *like of their choice* punishment and then shoot things down because they don't like them....

It has been a very rough nine days. Not only was my dom out of town, so our communication was very limited, but I was also in denial. I still am. Plus, a lot of personal things I was dealing with.

It has truly been a tough week. I can't remember the last time I cried so often in such a short span of time, but cry I did. As I said, tough week.

So, even though he said he'd only check gd once a day and send me a message then, he comes online twice and sometimes three times...

It's nothing really; a small silver chain around my neck. I wear it constantly because it makes him happy for me to have a reminder.

I also wear it as a reminder to myself. Not of my submission, although it gives me fun memories of that, but of the relationship that we have.

Every time I touch it, I'm reminded that there is someone who cares. Someone who has spent time and a significant amount of energy making me happy. Someone who I trust, to an extent, and who hopefully...

I've cried after scenes. Hell, I've cried during scenes. Not for the reasons that most dominants want. I never shed a tear from pain and any crying done post-scene was from a subdrop.

About, two days ago, around 2am, I decided to be a total brat to my dominant. Now, this isn't exactly news and I was doing it in a playful teasing way. So, he decided to 'express his dominance' in a playful and teasing way.

So, yesterday, after wearing my Kitty Collar for about an hour, with...

Wear His Collar at all times

Penalty: 1 day of no touching and at least an additional 2 days of denial. During that time, wear a diaper at all times, when unable to, wear 3 panties

No orgasm without permission

Penalty: Varies on the circumstances, but probably denial, just going on a limb here

Say "Thank you" after each orgasm

Penalty: Denial until gratitude is expressed

Be polite and respectful to Sinister in public chat

Penalty: Public apology (if I refuse, it's I think

...