Punishment and Penalty

If you spend ten minutes in chat you will probably notice how often someone will say something along the lines of, "Looking for someone to punish me. My kik is *insert kik name here*" Now, while this might be somewhat annoying, it's fine to want to find someone to play with.

However, my quarrel is with the casual use of the word 'punishment'. People will also post threads asking for a *like of their choice* punishment and then shoot things down because they don't like them. Let's be clear, you are not supposed to enjoy a punishment.

If you enjoy it then you are not being punished. Of course, some of these people may simply mean they want a task of *insert like of their choosing* or that they want to be dominated and made to do a *insert like of their choosing* task.

But if that's the case, don't call it a punishment, because it is not a punishment.

What Sinister does, and maybe he doesn't even know he's doing it, is he calls things like that a penalty. The difference being that maybe I don't really want to do a penalty, but if he pushes a little I will.

For example, I'm bratty (spoilers) and when I'm bratty to Sinister (you may have witnessed this rare thing in chat) he will give me a penalty. He'll make me wear my kitty collar for an hour or describe an embarrassing moment publicly. Things I sort of want to do, but I need to be pushed into doing them. Things that turn me on, but I won't admit it. A penalty is a response to me being bratty and wanting to be dominated.

Now, a punishment, for me at least, is much more serious. There aren't too many times when I ask for a punishment because I usually don't need one or Sinister will provide a gentle one before I need to ask.

But recently, I felt I messed up in a scene. He disagrees, but I felt at fault and like I had disappointed him. It feels horrible. I had this awful guilt and shame in the back of my mind and I did things, almost subconsciously, as a sort of self inflicted punishment.

When my dom punishes me it's so I can stop punishing myself. I thought he was going to be mad at me or disappointed and when he said he wasn't, I didn't believe him. I needed to be punished because I had failed and even if Sinister didn't agree with that he understood that my guilt was basically driving me insane.

After a very long conversation, during which he stated several times that I was not at fault, he eventually agreed to give me a punishment. It's such intense relief. Like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

Maybe it's different for other people, but I only want a punishment when I believe that I've ruined everything. The only time I need a punishment is when my dom has to let me know he forgives me because otherwise I don't believe him.