An Open Letter to My Little Sister...

Before I begin, I don’t usually share things like this. I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything to share, you’d get to know me a little more, and you’d have a better understanding of what family means to me.

My sister is an avid reader, she tends to read about a book per week. My parents, grandparents, and other relatives (including me) spoil her by buying her lots and lots of books. She has a large wooden trunk in her room stacked full of books she hasn’t even touched yet. I’m not exaggerating either, every square inch of the trunk has a book scrunched inside of it, in fact, she even has a small stack of three or four books next to the trunk because the trunk can’t fit any more books. Leaving for college, I knew I’d miss my family but out of everyone, I’d miss my sister the most. Before I left, I wanted to tell her just how special she was to me for the past 16 years of her life. When she was at work, I managed to creep into her room. I had spent the last few weeks writing a letter to her. My initial idea was to give it to her in person before I left but I had come up with an even better idea. I carefully removed a few layers of books from the trunk and stashed my penned letter in a book. I didn’t just stash it in any book, I wanted to pick a book that had a creative title, something that would describe my sister. Though there were many good choices, I had found the perfect book about halfway through the chest, Pretty Baby by Mary Kubica. I folded the four-page letter neatly, keeping it thin so it wouldn’t create a bulge in the book, and tucked it in the first page of the book. Here’s what the letter said:

Dear Aleah,
Suprise! You probably weren’t expecting to find this in a mystery novel! I have no idea when you may find this but I wrote this before I left for college. Despite living with you for 16 years of my life, I never have gotten the chance to tell you what you mean to me.

To say “I love you” isn’t large enough.
You are the peanut butter to my jelly,
The gravy to my mashed potatoes,
The horizon to my sky,
The ink to this pen,
The strength to my fears,
The comfort to my sorrow,
The beat to my heart.
Enough of these sappy-ass phrases.

You know what the best gift Mom & Dad ever gave me?
Not the art easel that I got when I was nine….
Not the acoustic guitar I got when I was eleven…
Not the camera I got when I was thirteen….
Despite how ecstatic I was, not even the car they got me when I was sixteen….
Not the 5H tickets they got me when I was seventeen.
The best gift Mom & Dad got me came when I was only three years old on July 6th, 2000.

I may not remember the day you were born but I remember the endless memories we had growing up as little girls, sleeping in the same bedroom for almost ten years before Dad added on the extra room upstairs. I remember you curled up in the small little trundle next to me and we slept like that until I was at least nine. I always whined and complained to Mom & Dad to buy you your own bed yet you told them you wanted to stay in that damn trundle. I still remember being so annoyed by you. I wanted you to have your own bed and better yet, I wanted to have my own bed. I didn’t care about sharing a room, that came a few years later. Yet you insisted to Mom & Dad that the trundle was fine and you wanted to stay there. I was blind. At the time, I was the worst big sister you could ask for. You annoyed me. You clung to me like a sloth on a tree. I wasn’t mature. I called you names, I picked on you, I did whatever I possibly could to try to convince you to ask Mom & Dad for your own bed yet you never once complained. Instead, I’d wake up each and every day to your pretty little smile and go to sleep with a goodnight hug from you. It never mattered to you how angry I was, how sad I was, how tired I was, you always gave me a hug before you went to sleep. After a little while, Mom & Dad listened to my complaints and bought you a bed and I was the happiest little girl there was. To you, I was probably the bitchiest sister you could have asked for but you still didn’t care. I still received the same treatment, a pretty face to wake to and a goodnight hug before bed, every single night. After we settled down in our own beds and ended our little war that had gone on for a few years, I could finally tolerate you.

We became best friends, just like you always had wanted. From playing with our dolls to movie marathons, we got finally were maturing and getting along. We had our silly occasional feuds but we always forgave each other. As a team, I’d say we drove Mom & Dad crazy quite well!

The school came and I lost my best friend. I remember that I hated the first three years of school. I couldn’t stand school, I cried every morning for Mom to keep me at home and I faked sick too my times that I can’t even count on my hands. That changed when you finally entered kindergarten. My best friend had finally entered school and I found my love for it. I actually willingly participated in classes, engaged with other students, and played games at recess because my best friend was now by my side. You got me through school. You don’t see that. Usually, a big sister is supposed to help her little sister get through life but you have always been the bigger sister. It annoyed me at first. It annoyed me just how fast your intelligence was growing, how many friends you had, how everyone seemed to drool over the adorable little sister, not even bothering the older sister. Heck, it even annoyed me that we shared a similar name! I’ll admit, you were adorable babe, the most adorable! My annoyance was strictly based off jealously. You had and still do learn things quicker than I do. You matured well before I ever matured. You stayed beautiful ever since you left the womb and your beauty has only grown as you grow.

As I matured, we switched roles. I became that annoying, clingy sister. I always had been dependent on you but I became even more dependent on you as I entered high school. It bothered me. I wanted to be a strong, independent women but I always found myself running to my younger, smarter, and prettier little sister with all my high school problems. I became your little sister and it bothered me. As a big sister, it’s hard to admit that your younger sister is smarter than you, more courageous, prettier, and sweeter but I’ll admit it all. You became my little vault. I came to you with every problem I faced, some small, and some rather large and no matter the severity, you sealed my secrets within the vault. You know secrets that Mom & Dad don’t even know and you’ve kept them from them for years. Believe me, I tried my absolute hardest to be there when you needed me but I failed at times. No matter the time of night, no matter if I was at a friend's house, you were there for me. I can’t say the same and it’s my fault. I should have been more caring. Despite all of this, you will still always be my baby sister!

You are the most perfect person to ever enter my life. You are not only a little sister, you are a mentor to me and an inspiration to everyone who is blessed enough to know you for who you truly are. You are the greatest thing anybody could ever ask for. The love and compassion you hold in your heart is something I have always admired from you. Your heart and knowledge are the greatest I know of. Never let go of that. You’ve been there when I cry, when I am heartbroken, whenever there have been rough times, when I’m mad, when I’m happy, when I laugh, when I’m down, when I’m sad, when I’m jealous, when I’m crazy, when I’m pretty, when I’m ugly, and when I’m torn into pieces. Basically, you’ve been there with me through everything and I will endlessly love you for it.

As a big sister, I am supposed​ to give you the best advice you could ask for but all my advice is cliche. You know it all. Nevertheless, I will remind you of it anyway. As you enter Junior year in high school and for the rest of your life always remember these things:

-Never think you are anything less than beautiful. Baby, You are the most beautiful girl I know and anyone that can’t see that is either blind or deserves to be blind. Embrace yourself and be confident about yourself and you’ll grow into that strong woman that I know you will be. You are already one of the strongest people I know. Don’t lose that.

-Don’t go to sleep irritated or angry. I know, it’s the pot calling the kettle black, I fail to do this. Life will always give you those bad days but don’t let them take over your life. Get some sleep. When you go to sleep angry, whether it be at yourself or someone else, it’ll only hurt you further. When you head hits those pillows, clear your mind of the world and wake up the next morning and fill the world with that positivity that shines within you.

-Be your own dream catcher. I know you know this one. You told me this when I questioned you about Sammie, I’ll just make sure you remember it. Don’t let others persuade you, you do you and fuck what others think. When someone doubts you, give them that sly smile of yours with the twinkle in your eyes and show them how wrong they are. The most important day for me was when you were born, and the most important day for yourself is when you figure out why. Don’t let others figure it out for you.

-And Lastly, keep being you. You are perfect. You are flawless. There is nothing I’d change about you and nothing that you should strive to change.

Aleah, you have changed my life. I consider myself the luckiest woman in the world to have someone like you connected to my soul and a part of my existence. You are my role model and my best friend. I never knew that someone so much younger than I and so innocent could impact me so much. Just remember, side by side, or miles apart, we will always be connected by heart.

-With Endless Love,
Your annoying older sister.