Have you ever felt down?

I'm posting this for anyone who feels down right now. That might be a little sad, or staring headlong into the void of despair. This is for you. Read it, and know that someone is thinking of you.

I've never opened up about my depression before. I was horribly depressed in 2013/14, so much so that I contemplated suicide five times, tried once, and isolated about 90% of people who truly liked and loved me. I didn't leave my bed for a sustained period for about 5 months. I would spend between 16-88 hours in bed on an average session, and tell anyone who knocked on my door to "fuck off and die." What a guy, eh? Fortunately, I had help.

I had a network of people all around me who were desperate to get me on my feet. They didn't have to, and most of them probably didn't want to - but they did it because people are, basically, amazing. My family supported me as soon as I told them, and I told them everything unabashedly. They found out they were one of the causes, and they looked me in the eye and said "we'll be better with you". They were.

What I'm saying is that depression is only a beast that rips fucking great big gaping wounds out of your belly when you're alone. Depression is like being in space with a spacesuit on that's running out of oxygen 10 times faster than everyone else's. You look at them and wonder why they don't feel the same panic and hopelessness as you. You look at the freezing, empty void and think that your only fate is there. Unless you tell someone.

If you talk to someone they'll pump oxygen in your tank. It's hard to say that you can't breathe, but if you do someone will give you air and guide you back to safety. If you're looking deep into a black eternal nothingness look at it with someone else - they'll point something out to you that you couldn't see before. And don't be afraid to cling to that person either, because they want you to cling to them, and they want to cling to you.

Depression is a bully that runs away to hide when your friends confront it. It might stay inside you, in one deep fucked up corner of your mind, but whenever it gets any big ideas about coming out you can ask your friends to start throwing stones at it. Stones made of squeaky toys. Imagine your depression crying from being hit by squeaky toys being thrown by your friends - suddenly depression isn't ol' Billy Big Bollocks any more.

If you feel down talk to someone. Anyone. Online or in person. Friend, family, authority figure or stranger. You can't beat it alone, and you're an idiot if you think you can. I was that idiot once, and if I hadn't been talked out of it I wouldn't be on this earth to type this for you.

If you need help and you don't know where to start - start with me. I've been there, and I can help you.

Why am I writing this here and now? I feel mine coming back, and I want to beat it at source. I've told my family, I've told my friends, and now I'm telling you. I've faced it alone once, and almost lost. I'm never facing it alone again.

Even if you think no-one likes you, someone either does or will. You're wrong - that's hard to hear right now but you're so, so fucking wrong. It's time to stop being alone.