Just a rainbow with some kink.
My views on submission over time... :) too.
I just read **Mandi**'s blog on this same topic, and thought I should write my own too!
How I used to be.
When my thoughts about submission were being driven solely by fantasy (and reading... lots of reading) I would think of someone who without thought for my happiness commanded me to do what they wished. I would do it, all of it, but without any joy in my heart. At least that is how the fantasy went. I don't know that I believed I would ever really have the chance to realize it, but I hoped to find someone that wanted to do it in the bedroom at least.
Then I had a dominant wife, for 10 years, and we played, but it was still that dark place. I didn't have a voice, there was very little joy in it, it was D/S, I did what she said, she was often demanding when she was domming, and if I asked for something or brought up something new, or talked about what I wanted, it was sometimes listened to, but never with excitement. I felt a lot of shame.
Enter getDare.
I have had a few doms in the past 2 years on getDare. All of them had joy in their hearts and cared for me. All of them made sure I was having fun too, that it was enjoyable for me. I learned that I can be me and still submit. I can be happy and playful and silly, and still fill my desire to submit. I love the contrast of the very kind soul, someone who cares about me, asking me to do evil twisted things. It gives me a lot of joy!
And now...
And then I found Deschut... and over time I learned that with a large amount of trust, not only could my submission be filled with joy, love and care, but it can be absolute. I learned what it is like to feel fully protected, physically and emotionally, while submitting to someone. I don't even know how to explain how liberating it feels: I really can and will do anything he asks of me, no matter how hard or uncomfortable or painful it is. I get joy and feel so fulfilled from catering to his every whim. I feel appreciated for every single thing I do. He makes me feel strong, powerful, and cared for. Submitting to him makes me calmer, stronger and happier in my real life, at work, with my friends, out in the community.
Over time my limits just melted away. The barriers in my mind of, "I don't like that." and "I can't do that." just fell down. Almost all of the things that I don't like are twisted around now to "I like it if it makes him happy." I never knew it could be this way, that doing things I don't like can be filled with so much joy and love and care. The excitement we both feel when I conquer something new, or he pushes me and I overcome fear is an incredible feeling.
I often think that him and I are a lot like 2 big children; easily excitable, quick to laugh and goof around. The truth is that we are, in a way, but we are also fully capable of expressing deeper emotions, saying what we think, even when it is hard, and listening with wisdom to what the other has to say. Things get very serious when they need to, for whatever reason they might need to, and then quickly move back into the silly happy place.
I often bring things to him, things I want to try, things I have been thinking about; and he always responds with understanding and excitement and love.
When I give him something: a picture, a video, a story, a limit, a very difficult task; he always replies with joy and excitement.
When I am getting too close to the edge of my tolerance; he always backs off at the exact right time (magic).
When I share insecurities, fears, vulnerabilities; he always responds with reassurance and respect.
When I mess up (and I do); he always responds with wisdom and care.
The amount of trust this kind of caring consistency has built over time is just mind blowing.
I had no idea any kind of relationship could be like this, let alone a D/S relationship.
Now I know.
And I am free.
How I used to be.
When my thoughts about submission were being driven solely by fantasy (and reading... lots of reading) I would think of someone who without thought for my happiness commanded me to do what they wished. I would do it, all of it, but without any joy in my heart. At least that is how the fantasy went. I don't know that I believed I would ever really have the chance to realize it, but I hoped to find someone that wanted to do it in the bedroom at least.
Then I had a dominant wife, for 10 years, and we played, but it was still that dark place. I didn't have a voice, there was very little joy in it, it was D/S, I did what she said, she was often demanding when she was domming, and if I asked for something or brought up something new, or talked about what I wanted, it was sometimes listened to, but never with excitement. I felt a lot of shame.
Enter getDare.
I have had a few doms in the past 2 years on getDare. All of them had joy in their hearts and cared for me. All of them made sure I was having fun too, that it was enjoyable for me. I learned that I can be me and still submit. I can be happy and playful and silly, and still fill my desire to submit. I love the contrast of the very kind soul, someone who cares about me, asking me to do evil twisted things. It gives me a lot of joy!
And now...
And then I found Deschut... and over time I learned that with a large amount of trust, not only could my submission be filled with joy, love and care, but it can be absolute. I learned what it is like to feel fully protected, physically and emotionally, while submitting to someone. I don't even know how to explain how liberating it feels: I really can and will do anything he asks of me, no matter how hard or uncomfortable or painful it is. I get joy and feel so fulfilled from catering to his every whim. I feel appreciated for every single thing I do. He makes me feel strong, powerful, and cared for. Submitting to him makes me calmer, stronger and happier in my real life, at work, with my friends, out in the community.
Over time my limits just melted away. The barriers in my mind of, "I don't like that." and "I can't do that." just fell down. Almost all of the things that I don't like are twisted around now to "I like it if it makes him happy." I never knew it could be this way, that doing things I don't like can be filled with so much joy and love and care. The excitement we both feel when I conquer something new, or he pushes me and I overcome fear is an incredible feeling.
I often think that him and I are a lot like 2 big children; easily excitable, quick to laugh and goof around. The truth is that we are, in a way, but we are also fully capable of expressing deeper emotions, saying what we think, even when it is hard, and listening with wisdom to what the other has to say. Things get very serious when they need to, for whatever reason they might need to, and then quickly move back into the silly happy place.
I often bring things to him, things I want to try, things I have been thinking about; and he always responds with understanding and excitement and love.
When I give him something: a picture, a video, a story, a limit, a very difficult task; he always replies with joy and excitement.
When I am getting too close to the edge of my tolerance; he always backs off at the exact right time (magic).
When I share insecurities, fears, vulnerabilities; he always responds with reassurance and respect.
When I mess up (and I do); he always responds with wisdom and care.
The amount of trust this kind of caring consistency has built over time is just mind blowing.
I had no idea any kind of relationship could be like this, let alone a D/S relationship.
Now I know.
And I am free.
Total Comments 10
Comments
-
Great blog, Happyme! You really have found your true D/s style. I agree most of all with the part you wrote about submitting and still being you. It doesn't have to be the strict and evil kind of play, you can just have a fun time being you and acting silly, while still doing what your Dom wants you to do. You have a great personality, so any Dom not wanting to experience that is a fool. Luckily Deschut is no fool!Posted 09-14-2014 at 12:49 PM by drwarschauu 
-
YAY!
I am happy that my blog made you write one of your own (: Yours is way more concise than mine haha but I tend to write way more than is necessary!
Your writing about now, with Deschut, is going to be similar to my part two I think
And that makes me happy cause I know how wonderful those feelings are so I am happy you feel them too!Posted 09-14-2014 at 01:04 PM by **Mandi**
-
Squeeee! I love your blog! And I think you're absolutely right. The most beautiful part about a healthy relationship is the knowledge that you can be yourself and be wanted for yourself.Posted 09-14-2014 at 01:23 PM by kittenlyss
-
Lovely <3 You have absolutely packed this with so many wonderful things, particularly the discovery that you can submit while still being yourself. I am so happy for you, and wish you all many, many years together
Posted 09-14-2014 at 01:42 PM by naughtylittlegirl
-
Eeeee! This could be one of my favorite blogs of all time! You two are so incredible together, I've told you millions of times but I'm so happy you found each other!
Posted 09-14-2014 at 07:38 PM by jlstockton25
-
Just wanted to stop by and say hi! I'm happy for you and Deschut, just as I'm so happy for many of the other d/s couples on this site!
Reading about happy d/s couple just never gets old, nor does reading about how submitting has helped people in their lives
Posted 09-14-2014 at 08:12 PM by Rose_Angel
-
Drwarschauu: You already know how I feel.
**Mandi***: thank you so much for the inspiration!!! I can't wait to read the rest of yours!
Kittenlyss: I am so very excited I made you Squee!!
NLG: thank you. I really hope it lasts for a long, long, long time too. Mainly because it is amazing, and I love him, but also because now I think I am spoiled but for all of the very best doms.
JL: Your support and encouragement has really meant a lot to me, I am not sure I have ever told you that, but it does. I am so glad Deschut and I found each other too, it seems unbelievable!
RoseBrat: I am so glad it doesn't get old! And thank you so much for your happy thoughts, those are my favorite kind!
All of you: Thank you so much for your kind words!!!Posted 09-14-2014 at 09:41 PM by Happy Me
Updated 09-14-2014 at 09:44 PM by Happy Me -
What a journey, Happyme - and it's a journey that's led to a place where you truly are happy.
I guess it's often the case that we don't appreciate what we have without having seen the dark side of life first, and your journey certainly seems to have given you that perspective.
My wish for you is that you and Deschut go on being this happy, for a long, long time to come (pun intended! )Posted 09-14-2014 at 11:56 PM by Wardell
-
Amazing blog post, and I really am glad that you were able to find somebody who can allow you to be submissive while being your amazing incredible self. Anybody who wouldn't want to experience that is just a fool.
I could comment more, but I am feeling like I may need to continue this trend with my own blog :PPosted 09-15-2014 at 12:18 PM by Butterfly
-
Wardell: Thank you so much for the kind words! A lot of my life has been like that, I am partly so happy just because I have been through a lot. It makes me like the buddha I guess, it takes a lot to get me down!
Also, I don't want it to be a long long time until I cum!
Butterfly: Thank you so much! I read your blog too! I love it!Posted 09-15-2014 at 03:32 PM by Happy Me
