Signs of Abuse
Posted 06-13-2011 at 12:24 PM by Counterfeit_Fantasy
Unrealistic expectations: One of the most common mistakes on both sides. A Dom expects a sub to be perfect, meet his every need, and have no limits. A sub expects a Dom to be perfect, understand their every need, avoid all mistakes on the top, and know everything.
Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters as “causing trouble”; the abuser may deprive you of a communication and transportation methods.
Extremely Controlling: Interrogates you about small things, such as coming home late, meeting someone, or changes in behaviour. Said person may keep possession of your money and demands you ask permission.
Immediate Commitment: The partner pressure for commitment almost immediately. This allows little time to connect to each other; these loose chains usually led to discontent on both sides. Make sure you get to know each other; short conversations before expecting one another to get along will shorten your time together in the long run. Saying “you’ll get to know them better while under commitment” isn’t enough. If they say you’re asking too many questions, this shows traits of impatience and misjudgement. Difficulty in leaving.
Jealousy: A excessively possessive nature may seem cute at first but being called constantly or unexpected visit will begin to become an act of abuse; “You might meet someone” should not be used as a complaint. A Dom/sub should know the difference between threat and common interactions.
Blames Others for Problems and Mistakes[/B]: It is always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong. This nature may fall onto you where “I’m angry” becomes “I’m angry at you” and begins to pin the blame for miscommunication on your singular self.
Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming. Switches from being sweet to horrid suddenly. Rants about the injustice of things which are part of life. Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse. Said person has lost their way in knowing what verbal insults are part of play and those that hurt your feelings. This does not only happen on the Dominant side, subs may criticize a Dom’s behaviour as being “too rough” “too gentle” “not enough” “pathetic” “wrong”. This person may have past problems with violence.
Not consensual: Continues acts even after being said not to. Said person has misunderstood a bottom’s no’s and continues. Ignores discussed limits. Threats of violence: Says things like, “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “Everybody talks that way” or “I didn’t really mean it.” Does not know the line between rough play and hostility.
Fixed Positions: Dom expects sub to stay at the bottom constantly. Believes a sub is a literal possession with no voice of opinion. Often ignores a sub's need and advice. Believes a sub's job is to please him and does not feel the need to return or take care of their bottom. Sub expects a Dom to stay at the top constantly. Believes a Dom has to control them to be a Dom. When asked for their say, they believe this is passive rather than compassionate assertive. Believes increased care shows decreasing dominance.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I swear your blogs are brilliant C-F It is really impressive stuff.Posted 06-13-2011 at 01:22 PM by Star Shadows 
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thank you so much for your blogs. they make me think, which takes some effort. a lot of things i try to look past but you always remind me that i shouldntPosted 06-13-2011 at 01:35 PM by meeacaroline
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The one I've run into most frequently in my travels is hypersensitivity. I think this problem is actually worsened by the medium of communication which is the most common today in the BDSM world - the internet.
In "real life" interaction, if one party is really up for some play, but the other is tired with the flu or something, then the other can see it, can get the feeling of the other persons inability to be at their best at that point. When the communication is basically just text there is an inherent tendency in humans to read what they want into the words of others. What they want sometimes being a result of their own insecurities.
Mr Clingy says: "Want to do something tonight?"
Mrs Whippy says: "No, sorry, I've had such a long day at work and I desperately need to sleep"
Mr Clingy thinks: "She's with someone else! I'm no good anymore! The bitch! Waaaaaah!"
A bit off topic, and please don't take this the wrong way, but are you really 18 Ms Counterfeit? The vibe I get from your blogs are that you have far more experience than someone I would expect of such a young age.Posted 08-13-2011 at 04:53 AM by spiders
