getDare Book Club

[The Slutty Princess]

Before I begin my review on Larkspur, I just wanted to thank Joanna for sharing her feelings. I choked up hearing your story and I wish you nothing but the best in chasing your dreams. Just like you, I could relate the story back to myself and I can relate your personal stories back to myself as well. I've experienced the similar situations and I understand just how hard it is.

I went through a similar experience as you when I was you. (Well, I guess I still am young.) I have always had these thoughts about girls. I would think about girls that were closed to me both sexually and emotionally. I denied myself from my thoughts, wiping them away. I told myself they were nothing. I told myself I was just growing, I was just curious, nothing more. I forced myself into a relationship with a guy that only shattered me. Things started off smoothly and I really did think I liked him, not love, but just really liked him. After a few months, he wanted sex. I was young and I didn't feel quite ready for it but he got the best of me. I nodded my head and quickly regretted my decision and I told him that. I told him I didn't think I was ready, I trusted him but he shattered the trust. He became forceful, choking and throwing me onto the bed. My whole body told me to fight back but I withered up. I let him do it. It still leaves my stomach twisted at just the thought of it. It was never how I envisioned losing my virginity. I never envisioned so much pain both physically and emotionally. I cried for days on end afterwards and the only person that I could tell was my sister and my friend. To this day, only my sister and one of my friends know this story, it's hard for me to post this on a public website like this. It developed, even more, trust and love for my own gender. I couldn't find a man's shoulder to cry on, I didn't want to find one. It developed a distaste for men but again, I have forced myself into another relationship with another man you I now can say I love. I love him but I love a friend even more. I need to let him go and embrace what I have always wanted. I guess my past with men has left a certain distaste in my mouth. I love my boyfriend but I have a hard time putting all my faith in him. I have a hard time telling him things that I can openly tell my sister, my neighbor, and even my friends. I have been healed by my friends and my sister. My past is one of the main reasons I'm not a strong advocate of BDSM, Dominant & Submissive relationships, rough sex, etc. Yet I find myself on a website dominated by all of this. I tried to ease my way into it. I experimented with it and I enjoyed it partially but what killed me is the constant need for a Dominant to insist on punishments. I can't be punished. I can't sit in a corner, I can't spank myself, I can't hurt myself. It only brings up my past that I want to forget. I don't like the use of force, the emotional factor of another partner thinking he is in control because he is stronger. I dislike it all. I believe a relationship, both partners should be held equal, nobody should be viewed as better than the other, and nobody should be degraded. It's a reason why I love passionate sex. I can't have sex any other way. Again, I have abandoned that relationship. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't give myself up for another person and most of all, I couldn't stand to be hurt by another person. Some people find it crazy that I can be into this stuff jus based on my past but I just want to make sex fun for myself. I don't want sex to be a burden or a bad memory from the past.

I also understand the pain created by Alzheimer's. Though it did not affect an immediate family member, I can still understand going through it. MY grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and it tears me apart watching him slowly drift away and not being able to enjoy the things he once did. Not being able to remember his very own friends. It kills me to see that. Since he was diagnosed, I pledged to myself that I would run in fundraising events to find a cure for this awful disease. It's the least I can do for my grandfather who has given me so much in life. I have participated in three races so far, each race I have spent countless hours, weeks, going door-to-door trying to raise fundraising money. Every tip I receive as a waitress, I put 25% of it off to the side to donate. I never thought I would have been affected by a disease so much.

Like you, I have been too close to death. My friend Taylor passed away just a few months ago. She wasn't sick, she wasn't hurt, she died painlessly. She went to sleep and never woke up. A brain hemorrhage. When I heard of her passing, I was completely destroyed inside. I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to do anything. I had a tough time getting through every day, not seeing Taylor sitting across from me in the classroom, not seeing her a track practice, not seeing her beautiful smile that enlightened everyone around her. She was way too young. It was struck fear inside me. I never know when I may pass and I try to use her death as an inspiration to chase my dreams before it is too late. God bless your soul, Taylor. Rest easy sweet girl.

Alot, has changed.
Like you, these open wounds are slowly healing through love, Love that I have found from my family members and friends dearest to me. Love has and will continue to help me push towards my dreams of becoming a teacher. Thank you for sharing your story Joanna, I know I'm younger but if you ever want to talk about anything, I'll listen with open ears. Anyway, onto my review of the story.
(Sorry for my bad wording/rambling, I have a hard time writing about personal events)

Review of Larkspur by Anya W. Vossand
Firstly, the story was beautiful, I loved every aspect.
I loved the writer's style. She introduced and described each character very well and I felt a connection between the two. Her detailing was incredible! I was able to picture every scene as though it was right before my eyes! The story was a mix of emotions for me as well. I have a friend you can connect to Alana and Abby's story almost exactly but it hasn't reached the happy ending yet. She is lesbian and has been seeing a girl for over four and a half years but their relationship has a few problems. They are only allowed (financially) to see each other once a year. One lives in Belgium, while the other one happens to be my neighbor. They have been in love ever since they met while my neighbor was studying abroad in Europe. Just recently did the both of them come out to their families. Both families did not take the news lightly. My neighbor's family refuses to talk to her while her girlfriend's family refuses to talk to her as well. They only have each other and sadly, they are separated by a large body of water all due to money. Now this doesn't tie in with the story but it gave me hope. I hope that just like Abby and Alana's families, Hailey and Anna's families will accept them for who they love. The story also strikes a little fear into me as well. I want to be with my girlfriend but I am scared of what that will be like. I am scared facing the judgment of going out in public as a couple, I am scared of coming out to my family and friends, I am scared of their reactions.

I liked all aspects of the story but I liked the scene towards the end the best when Abby turns the tables on Alana. Abby quickly has Alana in control and begging. I couldn't help but smile at that scene, Alana trying to fight off Abby but have to commit to her in those few minutes but then Alana quickly gaining control and reasserting her dominance by catching Abby in the bathroom and forcing control over her. The playfulness between the two left a smile on my face. The story is full of surprises and scenes that'll make you smile. I loved the ending, there is nothing better than a happy ending!

I did see a comment that rather disturbed me.
An anonymous user on Literotica left a comment saying:
"This story lacks originality. Same old lesbians in dirty sneakers or boots, the young one going thru the same old coming-of-age angst. Same old don't-fit-in, hate-this-school. Throwing in a little Irish language doesn't cut it for originality. Same old professor exploiting a vulnerable student - with a lesbian twist at least - but even that's not original. Worst of all: the idea that this naive young woman could suddenly go from zero writing to pouring out her magnum opus on the first try. Anybody who has ever tried to write professionally knows what nonsense that is. and the quote from the SCOTUS ruling at the end is totally gratuitous."

I found his comment rather rude and completely false. I disagree with every statement that he makes. I though the author's adding the quote from Justice Anthony Kennedy wrapped up the entire happy ending. I think this user was just being a little bigoted.

Love,
Lia

[Joan Sky]

Originally Posted by Isabellakim50

Im interested

Thanks for being interested in the book club Isabella. If you and others wish to review you are most welcome, and honestly we look forward to reading each other's honest perspective and diverse style. Don't be shy

***

@The Slutty Princess

Lol, I know how you feel. I'm still pretty young, and look younger, but I feel kinda old too sometimes.

Oh my goodness, Lia. That's horrible that he raped you after you told him you changed your mind. I haven't had that happen to me. I can imagine how earth shattering it may be, but I don't want to think about it too much because it is disturbing and despicable. I'm very sorry that happened to you Lia. I'm glad we are still the beautiful people we are today despite what we have endured.

We rarely find love in our first relationships. We all are growing up, and learning ourselves. It's usually just 'like' and 'puppy love' early on.

I tell you, if that happened to me if I was fourteen to sixteen I would've probably kicked his ass successfully. I was already my maximum height at fourteen (5'7") and I was a tough cookie. I went through a goth/grunge/punk lite phase and wore combat boots to school at one point.

Or even now. I'm pretty enough, have an average build, and though I don't look it I'm pretty strong for a woman. And kind of naturally good with reflexes kind of like a mixed martial artist or just kung fu. People ask me if I am police or in the military on rare occasion. Whenever I work, I always look exceptional and efficient. I usually blow people away, whatever the field. I'm a pretty good learner and versatile.

I wish I was your friend back then, so I could have probably kicked his ass for you... I don't want to imagine.

When I lost my virginity, I thought I should have waited until I was really sure. There was nothing special about it.

And since that was back then, before I spent a school year with my father and stepmother and when I was more outgoing, I was the more dominant one back then. Even though deep in my subconscious I wanted to them to be. I wanted to be courted, wooed, and romanced. Who thinks about that when they are young, lol

I kinda did and didn't. It's like a sense of what I wanted, and since I wasn't a great communicator then, I didn't understand it. So it was permeating and overwhelming, wishing to be expressed and known kind of like a mute trying to be understood. Back then drawing was my talent since childhood, but that didn't help me decipher my tumultuous feelings.

I'm glad you had the courage to open up about something so hard to share, something you kept under wraps and secret. I've done the same just now too.

I'm glad you have people you can talk to. I have my best friend, but she is not really known for being an emotionally warm and cuddly person. What else would you expect from a Viking at heart, eh?

But she's my true pal. And I can't really talk to my Mom about stressful things because it might affect her health. Those are the only two who really care about me. And the most important people in the world to me. So it seems I have no one to talk to. No one I care about that I'm truly able to talk to. I often feel like I'm talking to a wall and not understood. More often then not it isn't helpful, but sometimes it is.

So usually I just keep my feelings to myself, like a deep ocean, and find other outlets (hobbies) that give me peace. Or I pray a little. I dunno. I have always felt lost like a gypsy.

A friend of mine on here doesn't like punishments as well. I don't think that's an absolute rule. I think it's really dynamic, subtle, and intricate. It's a spectrum. Tailored to everyones needs. I think a really skilled, caring, and considerate Dominant can still give someone a great experience, make them learn more about themself and their limits, and make them grow with minimal punishment if that's what was needed. Sure, not everyone can pull it off, but I believe it is possible.

Regardless of gender, I think it isn't always that another partner thinks they are in control because they are stronger or Dominant. I think it is a special relationship that each choose and give permission. The Dominant and submissive choose each other, there is no inequality about that. Both are equal, it is a symbiotic relationship. They fulfill each others need. They bring each other harmony. Kinda like two opposing waves canceling each other out and finding equilibrium. Kinda like opposing polarities attracting each other like magnets. Kinda like Yin and Yang. It is the Dominant's responsibility to take very good care of their sub. And if the Dominant isn't suited for that particular sub, to find the one they are suited to instead of halting the sub's opportunity to find the right one for them.

And a sub chooses to submit too. And if they have anything they wish to talk about that is important to them they can. Everything is choice. You don't have to do everything, but communication and clarification is important. Limits and safe words are there for a reason ~ and everyone is different. It is not for everyone, but I imagine I can understand it either way. I believe sex can be passionate either way, vanilla or not doesn't determine that. It is the chemistry and desire of both that sets the tone of passion. Force isn't one shade. Everyone wields it differently. It can be tastefully done. It can be seductive. It can be passionate, enchanting, and slow or fast. It can go at the necessary pace and intensity the moment requires for both. Do not judge it all by those who wield it dishonorably and disgracefully, or to subjective tastes. "Whatever floats your boat" as they say.

With Alzheimer's, my best friend said her father would always remember her, but sometimes would forget his wife. One time her Mom was cooking for him in the kitchen and when she walked in he told her "Help, that woman is trying to poison me." And another time he was trying to make a sandwich to eat with raw pork, but she caught him before he ate it and threw it away. He said "But I was going to eat that" and she said "But I want to cook for you Dad." And he was fine with that.

I think that is very sweet and admirable of you to be so generous. I'm glad you are called to do so. You are an inspiration and bring a smile to my face.

My childhood best friend named Emily (MiMi) passed away when I was nine. We grew up together, and our family were/are friends. She was older and more responsible for her age. She was an old soul. We were the same age, but she was like my older sister teaching me things and playing with me. She was my dearest childhood friend. I remember that she was tall and skinny. I remember her face from memory.

She passed away when I was on summer vacation at my aunt's family house in California. I couldn't make it back for the funeral. She had asthma, and her parents were in the backyard. She had an asthma attack and used her inhaler, but it was all used up. She couldn't get to a backup inhaler in time.

And my first girlfriend when I was fourteen and she just turned eighteen. She was a cheerleader. It was a really short relationship. We were together everyday for two weeks. It was more pure and innocent... And she really cared about me. And we both were attracted to each other. I don't know how she was attracted to me then, I was in that brief awkward transition and have looked better, but she still thought I was pretty. And she stood up for me and spoke up for me in that short amount of time together. And she was sad when she last saw me. She didn't want me to go, and I didn't want to either. I thought we would see each other again. She gave me detailed contact information, but her parents didn't want her to be contacted. When I came back to my hometown a few years back, I thought about looking her up again to catch up about how life has been for both of us. I found out she passed away three years after I met her. She was so beautiful. She had light brown hair that almost looked blond. And I have never seen eyes like hers before. They were so unique. I looked into them and lost myself in them. They were as intricate as a thumbprint. They were so blue and reminded me of beautiful icebergs for some reason.

Yes, we never know when we may pass. We should go after our dreams and do what we love. We should cherish the moment. I have forgotten that. Thank you for reminding me.

I am awesome, but it is hard for me to get motivated and find my drive on a regular basis. This story and you have certainly motivated me.

I think you will be a great teacher. You are very sweet and inspiring.

I remember the teachers who made a difference to me.

Age has nothing to do with anything. It's what's inside that matters. I like talking to you and feel relaxed. I wish I could.

It is hard for me to open up sometimes and talk about what I want to get off my chest and share, including my feelings. I don't feel comfortable sometimes. I feel like I'm alone. Or that I won't be understood. Or that my voice will echo and crickets will chirp when I am talking to someone.

I'm glad you have a good support system full of love. I have a lot of love, but they aren't really affectionate or know how to be there for me. They do it in their own way, and I understand that.

This story gave me hope too, just as you have gave me hope too. I hope for Anna and Hailey as well. And I hope for myself.

Maybe they will get married one day, and be with each other every day

Take your time with coming out. Do it when you feel it is right. No rush.

I actually came out when I was 14. My younger brother is gay too. My family is okay with it. Everyone's family is different.

Ah, every once in a while you get a spoiled fruit in the bunch. And everyone has their own preferences. Some like horrors, some like comedies, some like both. Some even like bad, dramatic, and/or miserable endings. Imagine that.

I love the story.
And there is certainly nothing better than a happy ending, I agree.

Thanks Lia,
~Joanna

[thewilds]

This thread is becoming an oasis in the desert. It is refreshing coming here to find real discussion and emotions and experiences here. For those reading, I feel there is healing in the sharing. All of us who frequent GD are a little bit twisted in a way, or we would not be here, but despite that, there are real, thinking people here. It takes a strong person to open up and be vulnerable in front of their peers.

I love that in one paragraph one can be reviewing an intensely sexually charged story, and in the next, sharing deep emotions and honesty.

I might not be that person who shares so openly, but i sincerely respect and appreciate those of you who do.

Once again, thanks for sharing...

[sarahsarah]

Review of Larkspur by AnyaWVossand

Spoilers ahead

After the replies above, I'm not sure I can do this story the same justice as others already have, but I am going to try. I cannot say that it touched me and effected me as much as it has some people on this thread. However, I am certainly glad that it has. I cannot relate quite as well to the situation, but it doesn't mean I can't appreciate its meaning.

I am glad it has had such an effect because in the simplest terms, the story is an incredible, emotional and riveting piece of writing. I wouldn't say it is perfect, but as far as free erotica stories go online, it is up there with the best that I have read.

The two main characters are built and developed very well. I also think it is a good talent to be able to write in a way to make me read in an accent. Even when the lines contain no misspellings to represent the dialogue, because of the earlier phrases, I still read the comments in an Irish accent. I think I also benefited from this as I do have a bit of a thing for Irish accents.

Both Abby and Alana are relatable and understandable in the sense of the desire for company, friendship and support. The relationship felt somewhat real, something that I find the majority of erotica stories struggle to grasp. The feelings of both characters are clear and it is obvious that they are meant to be together throughout the whole thing.

The story is also paced very well. The relationship isn't rushed and the developments to the point where they decide to date are logical and realistic. I then like how they are both so ready to embrace the relationship, that they can't wait to be intimate, as if they have been together for weeks in heart but just not in a physical sense.

As I said earlier, I don't believe it is perfect, and there are a few points I wasn't sure about. I didn't like the moment they decided to date, I thought that conversation sounded a bit contrived about her friends deciding they should date each other. I think that other peoples opinions on the dating could have been interesting to hear a bit later.

I also thought although the erotica scenes were done incredibly well and certainly caused a stir within me, it possibly lacked that one more scene towards the end in my opinion. I loved the first scene, the dominant scenes both ways and everything in between. The subtleties in the little details were very nice but I feel the development could have been slower to get to those points, and had a few scenes of Abby coming to terms with submitting to such an extent might have been nice. The scene in the bathroom seemed a little rushed as well and I think could have built up more suspense, especially with such a sudden ending to it.

However, don't believe that I didn't like the story. I thought it was absolutely phenomenal and I was absorbed into it from the first word until the last. I commend the author in telling such a great story in a fairly short amount of time and without a doubt, I will be reading some of the authors other stories. In particular there seems to be a long 10 part series I look forward to trying.

Overall, the best piece of erotica I've read for a while and I'm glad everyone else seems to have enjoyed it as well.

Thank you very much for the suggestion of this story and if anybody else has any suggestions please get in touch. I will be selecting another story on Friday or Saturday this week.

With love,
Sarah
X

[sarahsarah]

It's that time again people, and since I didn't receive any new suggestions I decided to go ahead and explore literotica, since that's where we got the last story from. I haven't read the story I've selected properly yet, only the first few paragraphs, and I was intrigued. That seemed enough of a reason to select it.

It is titled 'Innocence Passing' and the link to the story is below

https://www.literotica.com/s/innocence-passing-1

I look forward to reading all reviews of the story

Your favourite superstar

Sarah x

[LitDarkness]

Contains Spoilers
The story is of a girl earning her womanhood.

Veronica starts out as a sheltered girl, this seemed to conflict with the fact she learned so fast. It feels it could've been slowed down a bit. Fast learners are a thing but you can't teach someone from a sheltered state in three months.

However the Mistress stating she was afraid of moving too quickly made up for that.

It does think where she seemed so eager for sex conflicted with her sheltered nature a bit but at the same time it isn't a major concern.

The author does a great job of showing the Mistress to be a strict yet kind, caring one. For example slapping Veronica's hand away. And caring telling her how she is doing well. Along with the beatings. (The author even tends to get the "trance" and what it consideres aftercare in there effortlessly.)

Also, it isn't a story it would recommend reading if you aren't allowed to enjoy a orgasm. It has had to stop and take a break many times due to the fact the story itself kept it close as it was reading the story. If you want in the mood so to speak along with some realism (some, not complete) it would recommend the story.

[The Slutty Princess]

Review of 'Innocence Passing' by Ms Vyxyn

(Caution: Probably Contains Spoilers)

To start, I thought the book was incredible and would highly recommend it to any readers. I agree with the above statement, you may find yourself taking a few breaks while reading! The book is so enriched in detail that the acts seem to play right before your eyes. I liked that most about the story. The author did a great job at describing everything; from the manor, to herself, her Mistress, her lovers, and of course, the sex scenes. All were described so well that they seemed to be real! It didn't seem as though I was reading a book, but rather I was watching a movie! That said, some of the detailing went a little overboard. There were scenes that were enriched with detail that quite frankly didn't need that much detail. Also, I had a hard time trying to figure out the time period. I thought it could be medieval times but then some of the scenes made me think it could be the early 1900s. Some of the clothing styles didn't seem to match the time period, but then again, I'm not real certain of the exact time period but it didn't take away from the fact that it was a well-written story. In my opinion, I wish Veronica was a little more 'innocent'. I thought the author could have done a better job at this. Veronica had spent 18 years not knowing hardly anything about sex besides what she had learned from peeping and reading medical journals but in her first few sexual scenes with her Mistress, it seems as though she already knows quite a bit. I think the author should have made her a little more timid in some of the scenes, especially with Simone and her Mistress. Maybe have her scared to taste another's sex, or scared to have her own tasted, since it was her first time. I thought the author also could have described the pains in anal sex and her first time with Loren just to give it a little more of an innocent feeling. Nevertheless, the author kept me wet and I guess that's the goal for any erotic writer!

[sarahsarah]

Review of Innocence Passing by Ms Vyxyn

Some Spoilers ahead

I have been extremely busy recently, hence why I haven't updated any of my stories. This will have to be a quick review as that's all I have time for. I only just about had time to read the story.

Overall, I mostly agree with what has already been said. It is very well written, and some scenes really do put you in the moment. I am certainly not ashamed to say that I got more than excited when reading some scenes, particularly the scene of her first time.

My only criticism is I felt it lacked much of a significant overall story arc and the story part itself seemed rushed to make room for the sex scenes. The setup felt a little forced and there was some lack of continuity with regards to her experience and feelings.

However, I certainly enjoyed reading and it certainly made me aroused so in terms of an erotic story, it is very well done and I would recommend it to others.

[sarahsarah]

It is that time again people. I haven't had time to find a story, but thankfully, I have been recommended one to review.

The story is 'Rent Free' by interesting and the link is below

http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=258613

I look forward to reading any reviews. Also, if anyone wants to review a something from earlier in the thread but missed that time, feel free to review it anyway.

Sarah
X

[The Slutty Princess]

Review of Rent Free...Kind of

I'll just begin, the book wasn't my cup of tea in the least. In fact, I couldn't finish it. I read the first three pages and I never really got into the story. Don't get me wrong, I thought the author did a great job as far as writing goes but I couldn't grasp my interests around the topics in the book. A Mother-Daughter relationship combined with prostitution didn't spike my interest, I found it to be a rather turn-off. Now that's just me, we all have are different interests, I couldn't find mine in this story and for that reason, I couldn't finish it. For all I know, the ending may have been really good but I couldn't even make it there.

Again, I'll stress this. I couldn't make it to the end because of the topics in the story, they didn't interest me. From what I did read, the author is a great writer and the story is written really well, though I think some of the sex scenes could be a little more detailed since it is an erotic story.

In my opinion, it's one of those stories that need the right audience.

Love,
Lia

[MasterDaddy02]

I have to say, that it was a very interested story. The complete complex of this story was one of those that is not for everyone. The thoughts in which the writer put into are not just that normal imagination.

It does take time, if you can get into. On the other hand will not keep your attention if you are looking for a very deeper type story.

[sarahsarah]

Review of Rent Free by Interesting

Unfortunately, I found myself in a very similar situation to Lia. I apologize to the person who suggested this story but in my current situation where I have little spare time, I wasn't engrossed in this story enough to read it fully, especially considering its length.

I do find this a shame as the author is clearly talented and the story is written incredibly well, but I have to say that it wasn't for me and I struggled to get into it. The main plot points did not appeal to my personal taste, and despite having written stories including incest, I found the relationship between mother and daughter difficult to stomach.

I will stress that this is entirely a personal preference and I do believe some people will enjoy this story, and if the themes are to your liking then it would probably be a big hit.

Apologies to the author as I really wanted to get into the story, knowing how much effort must have gone into it, but at the end of the day, it wasn't a story I desired to spend my time on.

[sarahsarah]

Sorry I'm a little bit late people. Busy Busy Busy. I haven't received any more suggestions so have picked out a story myself. It is a story I have followed from beginning to end.

The story is 'The Cabin in the Woods' by Runesmith. The link is below
http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=256541
I hope everyone enjoys reading it and look forward to all reviews.

I do urge people to join and contribute if you are casually watching and to read some of the stories already posted. Some are brilliant works by authors who have worked really hard to please us. Any input is valued.

All the best.
Sazzles

[The Slutty Princess]

Runesmith's The Cabin in the Woods Review

I read up to the end of the second page and I was appalled. I don't mean any offense to the author by saying that it was frightening, that's just my viewpoint towards the story. For me, there was too much degradation, ignominy, and abuse to find any sort of sexual arousal or amusement that erotic stories are intended to provide. I'm not an advocate for rape, degrading, or ignominious fantasies. Never have been nor will I. I can't comprehend how someone can find it enjoyable to read, especially when the story's intent is to pleasure oneself. How can you possibly pleasure yourself by fantasizing about degrading yourself or others in order to do so? I don't understand it.

Besides having no preference to read such material that portrays women as worthless fucktoys, I had a hard time ignoring the grammatical errors that appeared throughout the story. Being American, I was also lost with all the German features of the story. As a future reference, I wouldn't suggest going into too much detail of location. Rather than spending time on providing the reader with an exact location (Weberstrasse, Vier-Eichenau Tunnel, Hauptstaetterstrasse, etc), I think it'd be better to give the reader a descriptive location so they can picture the location and the mood it creates. By telling me that she had gone under through Hauptstaetterstrasse, it meant nothing to me because I've never been to Stuttgart to be able to picture it. Keep your locations generic. Since it is a fictional story, you don't have to even state the location of the story, create your own in your head.

For example, "After leaving the restaurant, she walked aimlessly, keeping her head down. She was too frustrated to care about the journey her legs were taking her on. After walking for what felt like miles, she stopped and looked around. Her legs were tired but that was the least of her worries. She looked down the street and swallowed the lump in her throat. It was like an unfinished painting, dark and gloomy but illuminated by a red glow. She looked around at the featureless, repetitive brickwork buildings that all seemed to glow with the ever-so-familiar burning red incandescence cast by the lights. She knew exactly where she was...the red light district."

Another area that could have used more detail is the room. Convey the room as a dark, strange & scary place to set a better tone for the reader. The room was a main focal point in the beginning of the story and I thought a little more effort should have went into it to set a tone for the reader and the character herself.

Another piece of advice to keep in mind while writing a fictional erotic story, put yourself in the character's shoes will describing them. Your descriptions of the characters seemed to be from another person's view, more specifically, a man's point of view. The majority of women, when asked to describe themselves, will not give an exact breast size. Rather, the majority of women would refer to their breasts as large, small, firm, medium-sized, heavy, petite, etc. Keep this in mind. Also, the majority of women don't tend to use the word "ass" when describing oneself or themselves, rather they refer to it simply as a butt! Even if the story is a fictional story, put yourself in a women's shoes and try to describe them as they would describe themselves!


I know I may have seemed a little bitchy and rude in my review but please don't take it that way. I'm only offering constructive criticism. I understand that everyone has their different kinks, fantasies, and thoughts. Some of them I just don't understand but don't take it harshly, everyone is different. Maybe others will find the story more suitable to their preferences than I did.

-Love,
Lia

[LitDarkness]

Contians Spoilers

Unlike Slutty Princrss, it has more positive things to say about the story. Can it be biased? That may be a possibility, Runesmith is its Sir. It would be wrong to say there's no possibility of a biased review from that.

Anyway, to The Cabin in the Woods.

It liked the theme. And it didn't really mind women being portrayed as fucktoys. The degradation and abuse can be extreme at times but he makes it flow nicely. And te extremity is a good thing in its eyes (of course it has to flow, which his writing did) and it especially liked the abuse she encountered when she tried to escape//the renaming/the earning food.

Theme is subjective, if you don't like extreme degradation, abuse (this especially includes rape) and women being portrayed as things/fucktoys, you will not enjoy this story.

The story is very extreme in those regards.

It didn't really notice the grammatical errors but isn't the grammar God itself and actaully has a hard time with grammar. So maybe he does and it flied past it. So if he does have grammar errors, they don't take away from the story. It didn't even notice if he does.

It admits, it was a little confused with the locations itself. It agrees that this didn't really need put in there and it was distracting. It's a "where's that?" kind of thing that pops into your head and bags and bags at you.

Tbh, it gets where Slutty was coming from with the room as it wasn't detailed. But, it only cares about the actions described in detail. Which Sir did. You can completely visualize the actions throughout.

Yes, the character was mostly as described from a man. Which, since this was in third person, it can forgive. But if you're trying to imagine what a female is thinking, it may be a little harder to get into it.

But, if you can ignore that, he does have some good portrayals of her conflicting thoughts etc.

If this was in first person, this would have been less forgivable.

Speaking of third person, normally it prefers first person. But this was amazing and reading third person actually made it a bit better, and flow nicely. (It probably was a good thing that this wasn't in first person.)

It was aroused during this and the story kept it aroused. It's not bad. And is good for keeping you wet/hard (if you like those extreme kinks, if you don't, you may find yourself completely dry/soft).

So it would give it 9/10.