Speaking out for the newbies xxx

[*Bite-Sized*]

1st off sorry if this is in the wrong place, if you are a modarator and think this would be better somewhere else please move it for me as i hadnt a clue where to put this.

i need to state that, i do know, as this site is on the internet it reaches the world, that includes all types of people, not just in race, sex or age, but to all people with all different personallities, beliefs, and different levels of confidence.

so many people have said to me that they admire the currege i had, to put on my post that i had realised i am not ready for a long turm D/S relationship, and that they find people in this situation will just delete there account and dissapeir. and people are fed up with that happening.

Well maybe its because of how they are treated when they arrive here, i know that some people come her to look for something very serious long turm and fully commited relationships,
but others may have just stumbled on the site and wanted to check it out, put up an ad of there own to see who they attracted. and in return for a newbie wanting to explore and find themselfs,
they get...
people who disrespect them as a person imedeatly.
People who are dam right rude to them before even having introduction.
People who are very possesive with out even conversation.
the list goes on!!! i recieved a total of 148 replys to my add by PM, MSN, and E-MAIL, all within 24 HOURS!!! which i LOVED!! as a newbie i was so flattered! but it took me along time to get through all my replies as you can imagone, and buy the time i had, i was getting e-mails saying...WHY HAVENT YOU REPLIED TO MY MESSAGE YOU HAVE TO REPLY TO ME NOW!!! or when i believed i had found my master i had people sending me nasty messages on how i was a dirty hore because i hadnt chosen them.
THIS ISNT FAIR
i am also ASHAMED of alot of you!! it took me at least 2 days to find out there was a thing called A SAFE WORD, people sent me lists of there rules before i had even asked or we had even decided we where compatable, and practickly none had any mention of a safe word.
i have spoke to to alot of sub's and slave's and nearly all of them have said that there 1st relationship didnt last long, and it wasnt till after finding there 2nd or 3rd master that they where respected enough to find out what it really ment to be a sub or a slave

please remember as a master, (extra speshally) to a 'newbi', it is also your ersponcibillity to keep them safe, teach them the rules, and help them on a road to discovery!!! ......NOT TO SCARE THEM AWAY FOREVER or to TAKE ADVANTAGE of there nievaty

and a small note to all new sub's and slave's
please please go and find out what the difference is between a sub and a slave, this will really help you work out what you want
and remember to start with this is only a web site there is no need to run, delete, or hide, and maybe like it has for me, it can become your gateway to self discovery, and lots of fun!!!!

if there are any people out there (and i know there is) who agree with what i have said or have a similer story of there own, please dont PM me please speak out and reply on here for all to see xxx

im not doing this to try to change how you all go about doing things, i just want to prevent people from running away in the future, as you may very well be, scaring off the sub/slave of your dreams xxx

[Obedient_Calf]

People conduct themselves in different ways, in both Dom and sub aspects. Personally you've got to discover this yourself, which in its end result will improve you and let you discover what (in better detail) it is your looking for.

Ultimately be the best sub you can be to yourself and ignore the poor, fakes, wannabes, careless and out right unprofessional Doms out there.

Rather than haplessly trying to change the outlook and views of a 1000 Doms, just change yours and search deeper (though the hoards of poor Doms), for your perfect owner.

You gotta break a few eggs and all that'.

+ nothing happens overnight.

[garder80]

Nice post :-) And I think you are right.

However, there is a guide here, that should teach you the basics:
http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=38317

Most dominant people don't really have the finesse it takes to own a slave, but you should still take responsibility for yourself anyway :-)

[*Bite-Sized*]

in reply to GARDER80 -
i think you are right some people just lack as you said the finesse.lol.
i did take responsibility for myself thats why im still here, but to start with, and for others in a place like this it is hard to know how to take responsibility, when your not sure whats accepted and whats not, and thanx for the link to the rules wish i had thought of putting it up, as thats what this post is for, just to help .

cheers xxxx

[autumnneo]

Well said, i hope to see this thread in the tops for sometime have a good day

[Res Grata]

Originally Posted by Obedient_Calf

ignore the poor, fakes, wannabes, careless and out right unprofessional Doms out there.

Rather than haplessly trying to change the outlook and views of a 1000 Doms, just change yours

This is pretty much what I wanted to say (just much shorter and more to the point).

When reading your (*Bite-Sized*) original post... I'm torn.

Of course I agree that probably 99% of the answers you get after putting up an ad are total bullshit (one way or the other). I also agree that it "isn't fair" when people start insulting you because you didn't answer yet or because you didn't choose them. And yes, behavior like that probably scared some serious former "slaves" away, which is a bad thing.

On the other hand: everyone is responsible for themselves and some common sense doesn't hurt.
It sucks that there are so many ignorant wannabe-doms, yes, but even after just skimming through the forums here (or just the section with the ads), one should already know what kind of responses to expect after putting up an ad (especially if you're female and offer pictures) - and to speak frankly, why bother with the dumbasses in the first place? If someone sends you offensive messages, a set of rules without even talking to you first or is in any other way acting in a way you don't feel comfortable with, just put them on your ignore list (and/or report them to a moderator if they're insulting/threatening you) and that's that. Move on to people who actually deserve your time.
Putting up a thread here won't change the situation one bit, because the people you are talking about won't read it. They're probably even newer to the whole bdsm thingy then you are and they're probably a lot less serious about it than you are, too. They're just looking for some fapmaterial, not a relationship of any kind (and certainly not for one as complicated and time-consuming as a real d/s relationship).

And as far as the "it took me at least 2 days to find out there was a thing called A SAFE WORD"-part goes: okay, you're new, you don't even know yet if this whole thing is for you and so on - I understand that. But seriously: just reading the first two paragraphs of the wikipedia-article about BDSM (and pretty much every other site on the net that deals with BDSM in some way, wikipedia is not the greatest of sources out there) would've told you what a safeword is. A sticky thread in the ad-section here on the forums (LilAngel's Guide to BDSM [updated regularly]) explains it as well (along with a lot of other stuff that might be interesting, especially if you're new).
It's never wrong to try and get familiar with the basics of something on your own first and in this case it's really easy, too.
I don't want to sound like an asshole here, but, well. If someone dared you to swallow some razorblades or to jump in front of the next truck that drives by, you wouldn't do it and then complain that they didn't tell you about the risks, would you?
Try to inform yourself first and if you're not comfortable with something someone asks from you, just say no or take your time to think it through. On the internet, you're always in control. Just pull the plug if it gets too much.

[LaurenLC]

I have this odd recollection of telling you as much when you first came here...

Anyway
On Topic

It is true that some dominants simply assume that a newbie, of any kind, is up for anything, and treat them like experienced patrons. While this isnt always bad, it shouldnt be a prequisite. It should come with time, and experience rather than impatience. Of course, if the submissive asks for it, theyll get exactly what they asked for. But for those who arent after a fully bound and bundled affair, even if they state as much, theyre ignored.

[*Bite-Sized*]

Res Grata

1st off - thank you for your input its very much apreshated. and the kind of desscusion i believe is needed.

and 2nd - i must once again state - i did take respocibillity for my self, or i wouldnt still be on the site, and of cause i (as well as everyone else) would never do anything i/they ultimately didnt want to do. we all know that would just be foolish.

to all- just to make clear
the reason i put this post up is because i had ALOT of people PM me after i added to my ad, "that i had decided i wasnt ready for a relationship yet"

the responce i got was a mix of thanks for telling us and not just dissapering, to i had the same problem but didnt feel like i could share this because of some of the previous comment i have recieved, and someone even congratulated me for speaking up. so i believed this maybe a topic in need of exploring.

and though i know, this proberly wont change ANYTHING at all, it may get people to just think 1st. and remember not everyone on hear wants to be Abused.

SURELY THIS SITE IS ULTIMATELY ABOUT HAVEING SOME WKD FUN???

[sweetsong]

OMG, try using spellcheck? It will make you "sound" more mature and like I should listen to you.

Anyways, there's a lot of us on gD who aren't even interested in playing M/s at all and nobody harasses us. There's also a lot of creepers.

Just pick the right "crowd" to hang with.

[Obedient_Calf]

Originally Posted by *Bite-Sized*

and though i know, this proberly wont change ANYTHING at all, it may get people to just think 1st. and remember not everyone on hear wants to be Abused.

I have to disagree with that a little, this site caters for a lot of people with different wants and needs, such as the s/M crowd for example as this sites title would assume ToD only which its doesn't, so you should be openly aware that you may get replys who dont share the same common ground as yourself.

As far as subs are concerned (I'll say it again - everyones different) some are here to be abuse while others like myself and you are not.
As you have openly said you are new to this area, so theres nothing wrong with learning via discovery.

Just be open minded that on here there are slaves looking for extreme abuse just as much as there are Masters looking to dish out extreme abuse, Instead of posting an open advert for anyone and everyone to contact you why don't you search the Master adds for the right person your looking for without the hassle of 100's of pushy emails.

SURELY THIS SITE IS ULTIMATELY ABOUT HAVEING SOME WKD FUN???

It is but 'wkd fun' comes in many different forms for different people.