Alex's Luck Changes [FICTION]

amy.32 · 07-27-2008, 10:55 AM

This is my first story so you can give me ideas if you want. It is just the intro, so abit short

OK, Background
++++++++++++++
Alex was ok. He wasn't very popular at school, not because he looked or acted strange, but because of a rumor. A rumor that hap been spread by
the "best" group of girls in his school, the "hot" ones. He had no idea how this had started, because none of them had anything against him.
So life was hard. But all set to change.

The start
+++++++++
One day, he noticed the girls where standing in a circle around James, one of the "rude boys". Normal, Alex thought. Suddenly one of the girls
reached out and slapped James full on across the face. He went red and started crying. Alex just walked on to his next lesson. Everyone seemed
to be leaving him alone today.

The next day was Saturday. He was having his breakfast and the doorbell rung. It was Alice, one of the girls who had been spreading rumors.
"What do you want?” Alex spat.” Calm down," she said "I can explain". "Ok" said Alex Suspiciously. "Well..."
_________________
Shall I carry on? I know it’s a bit short but its the intro.

Amy

Davros · 07-27-2008, 10:57 AM

Nice set up. Felt rushed, but you got the raw details there. I notice how you didn't tell us the rumours, or why James got slapped - some mystery already. This has some good potential

anonimousbob · 07-27-2008, 01:31 PM

could have been longer, but started the story nicely and as Davros said it has a nice level of mystery, which means I will be waiting for the next part intently

cj123 · 07-27-2008, 02:39 PM

i say keep going could be a good story depening on what u do with it so keep going but add more details

the_boy · 07-29-2008, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Davros

Nice set up. Felt rushed, but you got the raw details there. This has some good potential

if you add more verbiage it will be a very good story.

Hephaistos · 07-29-2008, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_boy

if you ad more verbiage it will be a very good story.

ad Pronunciation: \'ad\ advertisement

ver·biage Pronunciation: \'vər-bē-ij also -bij\ : a profusion of words usually of little or obscure content <such a tangled maze of evasive verbiage as a typical party platform>

Perhaps what the boy was trying to say is a little more descriptive text will go a long way

07-27-2008, 10:55 AM	#1
amy.32 Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 26 Blog Entries: 1	Alex's Luck Changes [FICTION] This is my first story so you can give me ideas if you want. It is just the intro, so abit short OK, Background ++++++++++++++ Alex was ok. He wasn't very popular at school, not because he looked or acted strange, but because of a rumor. A rumor that hap been spread by the "best" group of girls in his school, the "hot" ones. He had no idea how this had started, because none of them had anything against him. So life was hard. But all set to change. The start +++++++++ One day, he noticed the girls where standing in a circle around James, one of the "rude boys". Normal, Alex thought. Suddenly one of the girls reached out and slapped James full on across the face. He went red and started crying. Alex just walked on to his next lesson. Everyone seemed to be leaving him alone today. The next day was Saturday. He was having his breakfast and the doorbell rung. It was Alice, one of the girls who had been spreading rumors. "What do you want?” Alex spat.” Calm down," she said "I can explain". "Ok" said Alex Suspiciously. "Well..." _________________ Shall I carry on? I know it’s a bit short but its the intro. Amy

07-27-2008, 01:31 PM	#3
anonimousbob Distinguished Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: UK Posts: 918 Blog Entries: 5	could have been longer, but started the story nicely and as Davros said it has a nice level of mystery, which means I will be waiting for the next part intently __________________ 27/M/GMT Ask me anything http://anonimousbob.tumblr.com/ask yes: secluded public, crossdressing,, chastity sexual, anal (including enemas if you want), slight pain, anything else not on the above list I can't think of right now no: openly public/involving others, bodily waste, extreme pain Add me at [email protected] Check out my profile and album on Kinktalk I am looking for a mistress to serve right now

07-27-2008, 10:57 AM	#2
Davros Account Banned Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 2,943	Nice set up. Felt rushed, but you got the raw details there. I notice how you didn't tell us the rumours, or why James got slapped - some mystery already. This has some good potential

07-27-2008, 02:39 PM	#4
cj123 Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: um.......the voice in my head says Iran, but the street sign says Canada Posts: 47	i say keep going could be a good story depening on what u do with it so keep going but add more details