05-11-2012, 06:42 PM
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#1 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 29
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Adventures of A Boy.
The following story is a story about my life and times as a sixteen-year-old boy when I went to Hamilton. It will contain small references to drugs and alcohol. It will portray my quarrels with friends. It will contain male and male relations, as well as female and male relations. It will be a story with a little bit for everyone and anyone. I am doing this for fun and the minute that I do not feel like writing any more I will stop. Updates will be weekly unless I am feeling motivated to please all of you horn folks. I hope you enjoy! I bring you: Adventures of a Boy.
Chapter 1 My name is Theo I grew up in rural Vermont about an hour outside of Burlington. I went to a small grade school where I never truly fit in with anyone with anyone except my best friend Bret. We would take the bus from our small hometown bus station that smelled something like a mix of dirt and rotting eggs. We would sit in the back of the bus and talk until we hit the city. We spent our days just wondering around the town and stopping at local music shops. When we turned sixteen our parents had a big surprise for us. Or so we thought. When we were at his sixteenth birthday party they laid down two envelopes on the table. We both looked at each other and thought we were going to get money or tickets to our favorite band. We tore up the envelope and our jaws dropped. It read: “Congratulations Applicant, You are admitted into the class of 2010 at Hamilton Prep! We look forward to seeing you in the fall. You may move in starting May 30th. Regards, Admissions Office.” Bret was the first to say anything. “Really?” He said in a confused tone. We had dreamed about leaving this small town for boarding school, but now that it was actually here it was coming to fast! “We sent in your grades and you were admitted! You are moving in tomorrow! How great is that?” Our parents said almost in unison. “Awesome!” Bret said while I just sat there astonished. As much as I wanted to leave; I had so many questions about who, what, where, and when. We continued the party not wanting to ruin his special day. I sent him a text later that night around one-thirty. “Are you excited?” “Yeah. But scared at the same time.” He sent back. “What are you brining?” I asked trying to put all of my things together now so that I wouldn’t have to do it in the morning. “Clothes, sunglasses, shoes… the usual.” He said. “Yeah but we are going to be LIVING there.” I sent back to him. I was starting to freak out a little. “Dude, just calm down. It will be fine.” Bret sent back quickly. “I cant you don’t realize that this is a big deal!” Now I was really freaking out. Bret is that guy that always takes things easy and has lots of friends and is cool to be around. “Meet me at FMH at 2.” I looked at my phone confused. FMH was a place in the middle of the wood where we used to go as kids. It was a place where during prime hiking season like early July campers could set up camp under a wooden roof. It was about ten by ten feet and had a small fire pit in the middle. It was an eerie place to be at night. I had only been there once before at night and it was walking through a graveyard sending shivers through your whole body. I opened the back window in my room. Looked over the edge of the roof and jumped the ten feet that I had done so many times before onto the soft grass of my backyard. I walked quickly trying to stay out of the light. Our town was very safe but if anyone saw me they would call the cops and have me sent home with a curfew warning. I reached the entrance to the woods. I checked my phone. It was 1:54. I had six minutes to get there and I was not a late person. I jogged slowly in my black Nike’s with a red swoosh, Nantucket red shorts, and my white button down shirt that I had just bought two days ago. I was out of place fashion wise. Where I’m from people tend to only wear jeans and a random shirt. I have a very preppy style from going to the city so much. I looked around the corner of a large tree and saw the light of a small campfire, like the light at the end of a tunnel I ran as fast as I could to Bret. “Hey” I said panting in between each letter. “You didn’t have to run here like that.” He said pointing to a seat on the ground. I sat down near him and we talked about our futures and how it was going to be at Hamilton. We enjoyed thinking about moving way and all the fun we could have with people that were actually like us. “Have you ever heard of Never Have I Ever?” Bret asked at a silent point in conversation. I was almost stopped. We normally just talked for hours but I hadn’t heard of it so I said id play. It sounded like a good way to learn those things you wouldn’t about each other. He spent the next few minutes explaining how he plays a different way where you put five fingers behind you back and every time you have done something you put one down. Who ever looses first has to do something for the winner. “Like a dare?” I asked. “Exactly. Its just a way to make thing interesting.” Bret said. “Never have I ever…” Bret started. Your comments and ratings. Criticism is actually greatly appreciated. I am always wanting to get better. Be honest of your thoughts. Thanks, maybe more later? Last edited by TheChris; 05-15-2012 at 03:01 PM. Reason: Formating |
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05-12-2012, 08:55 PM
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#3 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 29
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Part 2.
Chapter 2 “Never have I ever had sex.” Bret started. All my fingers were still up. I knew he knew that too. Where is this going? My heart was already beating so rapidly I felt like a lion through the outback was chasing me. “Never have I ever skinny dipped.” I said casually. I actually didn’t know if he had or not. I was kind of intrigued with the idea of being completely free like a star in the deep black night sky. His facial expression was impossible to crack. He was taking this seriously. I had to keep focus and track of my fingers. “Never have I ever gone commando during school.” Damn it. I did thus secretly a few times through the year to get the blood flowing through my body. Down to four. “Never have I ever slept naked.” I knew this was something that most people did at least once in their lives. Some people like it some tried it. I never had an interest. All the things that could go wrong weren’t worth it to me. “Never have I ever wanked twice in one day.” Really? I honestly couldn’t believe that he hadn’t. We never discussed anything like this but I just assumed that everyone did it and if you’re having a boring day why not twice, or thrice? Down the three. “Never have I ever licked out a girl.” Little did I know then how it could be fun for both sides. I, unlike most guys, enjoy the taste now. However, back then it was a mystery, like unicorns. Maybe he had sometime and kept it secret? “Never have I ever wanked in a car.” Guilty as charged. Simple as that. After I watched Hall Pass, I became lets say “inspired”. Down to two. “Never have I ever seen a guy naked.” Obviously I had seen family but it was assumed that I meant not family. People always talk about when they were younger, but I never have. If everything was going right he could be down to one. “Never have I ever watched a porno.” I almost fell off my chair when hearing this one. What! Every teenage boy has to have seen at least one. I guess I was wrong. Down to one for me. I just noticed that I was sweating through my shirt and was becoming mildly aroused by this game and what could happen if I loose or win. “Never have I ever worn women’s clothing.’ Cross-dressing. Not my thing. At all. Its just plain strange if you ask me. “Never have I ever tasted my own cum.” Fuck. I just lost and now he would know that I tried it. Let me explain myself here, I had read that different foods affect the taste so I ate a lot of my favorite food. Let me be the first to tell you. It taste bad. Like the worst pretzel salt you will ever taste in you life. Don’t do it. I slowly pulled my hand from behind my back. I knew he could see my face blushing in the flickering light from the fire. He showed me his had with only one finger left. Wow. My first was more of a troublemaker than I thought, and liked to have some fun when I am not around. “So what will it be?” I asked him in a half scared half anxious tone. “Well you said you never skinny dipped.” I should have seen this coming. He was going to use everything that I said had never done against me for as long as possible. We walked slowly over to the nearby pond and just talked like it was a normal day until we hit the end of the beach. “Ok.” He said in a commanding tone. “Take off all your clothes except your boxers.” I did so since it was nothing new to us. This last part though, it was something completely new. “Ill give you and option… I can go with you or you can go alone.” Right when he finished his sentence I said alone. I didn’t want to make our friendship weird or anything like that by seeing each other naked. “Go on.” He said waving his hands. I dropped my boxers covering my semi erect cock with my hand and ran into the water. How cold it actually was didn’t hit me until I was chest deep. My body started to seize and my throat was tightening. I was flailing and kicking my arms as fast as possible but they were turned to stone. The water was now starting to go above me head. COMMENT PLEASE AND ALSO … I am interested how many did you loose fingers to? Last edited by TheChris; 05-15-2012 at 03:03 PM. Reason: Formating |
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05-13-2012, 01:34 PM
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#4 |
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Baby Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
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Keep going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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05-13-2012, 02:32 PM
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#5 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 29
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Update today.
Update later tonight!
Blobbers and Demonking .. I thank you kindly for your support. It is greatly appreciated. If you like this story please use the ten seconds it takes to rate and comment. Those few seconds transfer to hours of me writing. Also suggestions? Thanks again fans! |
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05-15-2012, 01:42 PM
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#6 | |||
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getDare Sweetheart
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 425
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Sooo, finally, I'm done with my thesis paper and have the time to post on gD again
 First of all, I'd like to read more from this :3 I like it in general, but as you asked me whether I could give you some review, you will get some. ;P First of all, the length is very good, keep it like part 2 or a little longer, not much longer than part 1 tho. Vocabulary is okayish, nothing special but good to read and not too simple. Information is good, you can add a little bit detail here and there but it's good how it is. Content: Awesome :3 Never ever carries some nice memories from my denmark trips xD The story is pretty good, in my opinion, it would be great to read more about. Those are the things that I would recommend to work on/improve: Quote:
that could be visually more appealing  I'd consider working this over and have one of our nice, kind and awesome mods edit it for you :3 Also, I'd recommend decide for one font, size, etc. and keep it for all chapters. you can moderatly use different formattin for thoughts, different persons, etc. but just because is no good reason ^^ same of the letter in the beginning, you could've used a different font or just italic for that. Quote:
Important stilistic thing: Quote:
You can start sentences with so many different words, why do you use about 3 or 4 in your whole text Using when was good, but using when we twice in a row wasn't so good then.... you can use, after, before, instead, even though, as, since, later, earlier (this morning e.g.) etc... also you can use other nouns... to describe things The cold air breezed into my face ; instead of: I could feel the cold air breezing into my face... etc. etc.. also you can use gerunds... Jumping out of the window, I saw... Running towards the water, I could hear... then you don't have the I in the first place, that makes it way better to read... Very typical mistake, it's not so bad, but it just doesn't sound as good :3 Maybe I'll point out some more stuff in chapter 2, haven't really had the time to check that... but I didn't want to let you wait another day. :3 Love <3 |
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05-15-2012, 03:00 PM
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#7 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 29
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Chapter 3
That review to the first part was amazing. You should consider being an editor. You’re the best ^^… An amazing friend with inspiring thoughts. I have been inspired to put more effort into my writing. I’m going to increase vocabulary to actually give you a word or two you’re going to need to look up. In the midst of finals I will do my best to keep the post rolling. ~Chris CHAPTER 3 The deep black water was flowing over my head. My deep blue eyes felt as if they were becoming glazed over with ice. My chest was contacting in an out rapidly as my lungs begged for air. My feet hit the bottom on the lake. It took every last bit of oxygen in my fatiguing body to push of the bottom and rocket my body toward the shore. My body escaped the cold water for a short second, only long enough to be kissed by a cool zephyr floating moving the lake. A large splash rippled across the lake as I reentered the water flailing like a fish out of water… As I slowly peeled my eyes open I found myself lying next to a roaring fire in the sand adjacent to me. Lifting my head slowly sent shooting pains down my spine. It was obvious that they still needed time to recover. I noticed Bret coming back towards me wearing only his black American Eagle boxer-briefs. His body was godly. A faint snail trail was barely visible in the flickering light of the fire. The contrasting light only enhanced his features, casting vivid shadows off of his toned stomach and chest. There he was, my savior, keeping me alive. “Hey! How are you feeling?” Bret said with a sleepy voice. “Ok, just a little sore. What even happened?” I asked starting to slowly feel better. “Well you went in and then you started to sink. You really freaked my out George. I was scared for you. I went in to save you after you flopped on your side. I will never make you do anything like that again. I am so sorry.” Bret said in a compassionate and sad tone. “A dare is a dare. It is in no way your fault.” I said trying to make him feel better about everything. I really didn’t blame him for anything. There was no way for him to have known what was going to happen. “If there is anything I can do just tell me.” He said as I sat up in the sand. Putting all of the pieced together was giving me a devious outlook on this whole ordeal. My pants and boxers were both on. I was lying next to a warm fire. This all means that he did this while I was asleep. My mind was racing like a racehorse at the Kentucky Derby’s final stretch. Injuries and pains in my body were a thing of the past. This was an opportunity my recovering horny body could not pass up lightly. Play it cool, play it cool, I repeated in my head over and over again. “Really, it is ok. Let’s just act like it never happened and continue with our game.” I said casually. The mere five seconds that it took him to respond were like an eternity. I could have run a marathon or cured cancer! “If your fine, sure! But, Let’s play D-D-T!” My body went limp. If it wasn’t for all the blood rushing to my dick I’m sure I would have fainted. For those of you who don’t know what the game D-D-T is I will explain it briefly. D-D-T stands for Dare-Dare-Task. It starts with just two normal dares. The “T” is what makes the game interesting. The task can be anything. From no underwear for a week to… Well you’ll find out soon enough. I do know that this is a shorter chapter but this is a good place to stop in my opinion. Thank you for your continued support it is greatly appreciated. |
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05-15-2012, 06:47 PM
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#8 | ||
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getDare Sweetheart
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 425
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Chapter 2 is good. It's not perfect, but the large amount of direct speech makes up the syntax irregularities. And the changes you did on chapter 1 are great :3
I'll only talk about chapter 3 now because the change is a huge one xD Quote:
My eyes, head, chest, feet -> my body, in the first moment I tought hm a bit repititive but actually I really like it... some really awesome (contentional) Anaphora. Real great! Also in general the vocabulary has improved a lot, there were actually a couple of words that I had to look up. Sentence beginnings: (not counting sentences in direct speech, not looking at attributes and articles) 10 nouns 4 personal pronoun 1 conjunction of time (as) 2 gerund (lifting, putting) 5 name/personal pronoun + verb of speaking (I said/...) 1 adverb of place (there) (even tho here not in the meaning of a adverb of place) (stopped counting on: I was lying next to a warm fire.) your beginnings became better, now you use way more nouns and you add usually a my, the or a to them to have a little change... Another way to get change into nouns is to leave the article(a/the)/possesive pronoun (my/his) out and just use an adjective: Pale blue eyes were starring at him. - this works only in special situations tho... can be way more conjunctions and adverbs... after, even tho, if... (already used there and this) 5 minutes later, later, quickly (quickly I ran towards the water) etc... there is a lot of good sentences tho, just showing what you can further improve  Quote:
kissed by - awesome wording, nice metaphora cool zephyr floating - da fug? xD I can't even properly translate this... so a zephyr is a west wind? It took me quite a bit research... so zephyrus is a greek god of wind (okay I could've know that, I'm having latin as a major) and in english slang/colloquial/archaic/whatever english you use that for west wind? :3 A large splash rippled across the lake - nice picture, awesome description as I reentered the water flailing like a fish out of water - awesome metaphora (comparison actually) and idk what to call it but it's great I really had fun reading this, learnt some new words And lol I should stop writing i'm just destroying this thread xD I wanna know how it goes on! Really great that thing with getting safed and so... awesome base for more
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05-18-2012, 03:31 PM
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#9 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 29
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Weekend.
Everybody's looking forward to the WeekEND!
Its friday, friday... *covers ears* New update since schools over. Check back here tonight 1:00 A.M. (EDT) |
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