Contacting an Ex

[Stellz]

I can't decide what I should do in my current situation. I was with my ex boyfriend for two years before we broke up once about a year ago and then again last may. It was a pretty messy break up, you could almost say that it took us from february until may to totally finishing breaking up. There really hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't thought about him and regretted what happened and the way things were left between us. I've been trying to get over it, but nothing really seems to work. I just don't feel at peace with the whole situation. I don't really know what I want or need to happen, I just feel like things aren't ok and I can't get over him and move on until we talk. The problem is, he and I left off with him never wanting to speak to me again. Well, that's what he said at the time.

I guess my questions are:
Should I even bother trying to talk to him, even if it continues to make me feel hurt and uneasy? What would be the best way to contact him? Should I send him a facebook message? An email? A handwritten letter? I can't call him because I deleted his number, plus the international call will kill my phone bill.

Thanks!

[snoogins9110]

Hey, i just wanted to say that im in a very similar situation and that i know how hard it is. the choice of contacting them. i dont really have a good answer for you because i havnt done anything for my own case. i just wanted to say good luck and just follow your heart. i hope you find your answer :]

[keykitty]

I would try to contact him and try to find closure. He may be feeling the same way who knows but if you try at least you can say you know what happened right? No regretting that you hadn't that way.

[florida87x]

I think it really depends what you expect to happen. I guess I'm not a big believer in closure. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't, but I do not believe we should bang our head against a wall trying to find closure when there isn't any.

Do you think the two of you will actually be able to make anything better, clear anything up?

[Kisune Karnon]

Even though he said that, you can probably still talk to him. Just send him a handwritten letter stating you want to talk and that you don't like the way things ended and just how you feel. Whether he responds or not is his issue, but at least you told him about what you wanted. Should make you feel better. Email is ok, but not the best and any other way is not the greatest. Also even if you had his number, it probably would have been a bad idea to call him, because well a letter is more personal.

[Vela]

I think you should handwrite him a letter. This way you have the chance to organize what you want to say before hand and not feel pressured, but it's more personal than a facebook message. Plus, who doesn't love getting something besides bills and trash mail? If you breakup was a decent amount of time ago, I doubt he will have an emotional breakdown roid rage episode because you sent him a letter and chances are he'll take the time to actually read it.

[Xrider]

Should I even bother trying to talk to him, even if it continues to make me feel hurt and uneasy?
If talking to him hurts there must be a reason. Try and see what this is. Is it because you're still attached to him or just because of what happened ? If you still care about him, what are his feelings towards you ? Loving someone who doesn't love you in return is really hard.

What would be the best way to contact him? Should I send him a facebook message? An email? A handwritten letter?
Emails and facebook is quick and easy. A letter is much more personnal, shows that you have really taken care of writing it. To me sending a letter is a way of sending a part of myself...

"Conclusion"
Unfortunatly there is no easy answer. It is up to you to choose how much you want to commit yourself into trying to rebuild your relationship. But the more you commit, the more you'll suffer should things go bad.
I know this may not help a lot, but some decisions in life you have to make by yourself. Good luck !

[moxie]

I will preface this by saying that I have been there and that I feel your pain and that I don't give what I know is painful advice lightly. My advice would be to let him go. I realize that is much easier said than done but that in the long run in the type of circumstances that you describe that is usually the best. When you are apart and you have distance from things it can be easy to see only the good things and forget or minimize the bad things that happened.

All of that said, I know it is VERY hard to move past it, but until you do it will continue to hurt.

I hope it all goes well for you!

Moxie