the dare tournament

bakugan · 11-03-2013, 07:17 PM

part:1

There was four best friend they were:Max(a 16 year old horny boy),Alex(a 15 year old who play t or d),Dan(a 17 year old who loves studying) and last there was Ken(he is Dan's younger brother he is 14 years old and love studying as well)
One day after school,Max and alex wanted to play truth or dare and they knew that Dan and Ken only have time for studying,so they wanted them to play.They went up to Dan and asked"Hey Dan want to play a game with us today?" Dan replied"Sorry i can't i am studying." Max then said"come on you only have time for studying why can't you play just once" Dan sigh"Fine i'll go." Alex said "ok meet me at my house at 8 o'clock cuz i have the house all to my self! Oh and Dan bring Ken along to ok."

End of part 1 will continue if i have comments

boxerbitch · 11-05-2013, 10:10 AM

cant wait for more!

joht2891 · 11-05-2013, 10:13 AM

It's still too short to get an idea of the story ... Part 1 just stated the characters and that they are meeting up. Apart from this, try finding an editor ... the grammar needs some touches.

Other than that ... go on and keep it up! Just try to write longer parts which are edited by somebody proficient in grammar!

bakugan · 11-07-2013, 05:47 PM

thanks and this is my first time posting a story so i can have grammar mistakes

cantthinkofanythin · 11-08-2013, 10:10 AM

Whenever a new character is speaking, make a paragraph. It will make your story look better and it will be easier to read

gpguy · 11-13-2013, 09:35 PM

To set it up properly I think it needs a couple of girls although of course you're hoping for boy to boy action, you can still make that work. It needs to be fleshed out, not just what happens but also describing how the characters are reacting or feel about playing such a game etc... Good luck you're writing what you want to write about so go for it.

11-03-2013, 07:17 PM	#1
bakugan Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 2	the dare tournament part:1 There was four best friend they were:Max(a 16 year old horny boy),Alex(a 15 year old who play t or d),Dan(a 17 year old who loves studying) and last there was Ken(he is Dan's younger brother he is 14 years old and love studying as well) One day after school,Max and alex wanted to play truth or dare and they knew that Dan and Ken only have time for studying,so they wanted them to play.They went up to Dan and asked"Hey Dan want to play a game with us today?" Dan replied"Sorry i can't i am studying." Max then said"come on you only have time for studying why can't you play just once" Dan sigh"Fine i'll go." Alex said "ok meet me at my house at 8 o'clock cuz i have the house all to my self! Oh and Dan bring Ken along to ok." End of part 1 will continue if i have comments

11-05-2013, 10:13 AM	#3
joht2891 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Somewhere in Europe Posts: 344	It's still too short to get an idea of the story ... Part 1 just stated the characters and that they are meeting up. Apart from this, try finding an editor ... the grammar needs some touches. Other than that ... go on and keep it up! Just try to write longer parts which are edited by somebody proficient in grammar! __________________ 33 Male Straight Submissive 5ft 10" 170lbs LIKES: Light Bondage, Bodywriting, Orgasm Control, Tease & Denial, Dirty Talking, Being Controlled, Slave Positions LIMITS: Family, Pain, Public, Webcam, Pee/Poo, Diapers, Anal

11-07-2013, 05:47 PM	#4
bakugan Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 2	ok thanks and this is my first time posting a story so i can have grammar mistakes

11-08-2013, 10:10 AM	#5
cantthinkofanythin Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: nj, USA Posts: 39	Whenever a new character is speaking, make a paragraph. It will make your story look better and it will be easier to read __________________ hello everybody. I am a straight male Limits: piss, shit, cum, and piercing Bulls

11-05-2013, 10:10 AM	#2
boxerbitch Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 21	cant wait for more!

11-13-2013, 09:35 PM	#6
gpguy getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 252	To set it up properly I think it needs a couple of girls although of course you're hoping for boy to boy action, you can still make that work. It needs to be fleshed out, not just what happens but also describing how the characters are reacting or feel about playing such a game etc... Good luck you're writing what you want to write about so go for it.