Fiction: Twin Slaves (Will have incest...) - Page 2

Kisune Karnon · 09-05-2010, 05:38 PM

Your actually doing fine. However the only reason why I commented like I did was because, yes you gave out what the notes were, but now what? A little bit more coninuation before a break would have been good. The suggestion I guess I'm making is, watch the length and where you break your chapters out.

Sweet270 · 09-05-2010, 10:28 PM

Looking forward for more. Its looking good.

SeeNaked · 09-05-2010, 11:16 PM

Ah, thank you very much for the tip KisuneSoldier. I understand what you are saying, and i'll try to watch that next time. After I posted i felt like i should have added more, but i didn't have the time to Edit it...

Thanks again

rahamn · 09-05-2010, 11:35 PM

no offense but if you don't have the time to edit don't post it. You want you readers drawn in and you want them yearning for the next post. I guess im agreeing with Kisunesoldier in a way but not in a way too ... i would have broken before you did not try to make it longer ... it would have been a cliff hanger something to make them want to come back to see what was on the note or on the cell phone for that matter ... just take your time and write how you want but if your gonna break it up into chunks do so with the intent of leaving that last little bit unknown.

LovelyLiz · 09-06-2010, 11:06 AM

Really good continue! this story is getting on the right track

spazpat · 09-07-2010, 07:08 AM

this is a great story, really developing into something good

DaringChicka · 09-07-2010, 02:47 PM

GOOD!!!! post more!

firenight · 09-08-2010, 11:56 AM

please go on want to here more

truth · 09-14-2010, 12:30 AM

more more more more more

insane44 · 10-02-2010, 11:13 AM

Amazing can't wait for another chapter

ursoweird123 · 10-02-2010, 09:44 PM

Please continue. It's a great story!

undertaker · 10-07-2010, 10:57 AM

Guess this story is discontinued

ursoweird123 · 10-07-2010, 07:25 PM

My guess. That's quite sad. This was a great story and definitely had a lot going for it. Oh well. I won't be mad if you continue by the way XD!

SeeNaked · 10-07-2010, 08:06 PM

Your wrong!!

This isn't discontinued! I've just had so much going on, I havn't had a chance to finish the next section... don't worry! it's coming!

truth · 10-08-2010, 06:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeeNaked

Your wrong!!

This isn't discontinued! I've just had so much going on, I havn't had a chance to finish the next section... don't worry! it's coming!

YAY ive been checking like every day

09-05-2010, 05:38 PM	#16
Kisune Karnon GetDare Ninja Join Date: May 2010 Location: Imagination Land Posts: 12,192 Blog Entries: 7	Your actually doing fine. However the only reason why I commented like I did was because, yes you gave out what the notes were, but now what? A little bit more coninuation before a break would have been good. The suggestion I guess I'm making is, watch the length and where you break your chapters out. __________________ Male/Married/Straight/Switch/32/190 lbs Likes and Limits Toys (So Far) PM Dares Utilizing Keywords Version 3 Kik: Kisune22 My goal is to give good dares and receive them because that is how I enjoy the game. I will send reports when I choose to or if I am asked. If you give me a repeated dare or a "do your own dare," I will be very disappointed because I like to be surprised and challenged.

09-05-2010, 10:28 PM	#17
Sweet270 Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: NV Posts: 71	Looking forward for more. Its looking good. __________________ public, stripping, pics, masturbation, contact with the opposite sex extreme pain, crap, piss, gay or bi things, permanent, getting arrested

09-06-2010, 11:06 AM	#20
LovelyLiz Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Italy Posts: 3	Really good continue! this story is getting on the right track __________________ Will do almost anything not in my limits Limits: other people, permanent, illegal, really messy, EXTREME pain and anything involving my own fluids or someone elses. I am now solely the property and owned by Master Siggi.

10-02-2010, 11:13 AM	#25
insane44 Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: US Posts: 77	Amazing can't wait for another chapter __________________ 16/m/us i'm chill, ask anything, i'm not putting limits here send me the dare and i'll tell you. interested in finding a female dare partner age like 13-16 17 at the oldest

09-05-2010, 11:16 PM	#18
SeeNaked Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Illinois Posts: 170	Ah, thank you very much for the tip KisuneSoldier. I understand what you are saying, and i'll try to watch that next time. After I posted i felt like i should have added more, but i didn't have the time to Edit it... Thanks again

09-05-2010, 11:35 PM	#19
rahamn Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Texas retired now Posts: 167	no offense but if you don't have the time to edit don't post it. You want you readers drawn in and you want them yearning for the next post. I guess im agreeing with Kisunesoldier in a way but not in a way too ... i would have broken before you did not try to make it longer ... it would have been a cliff hanger something to make them want to come back to see what was on the note or on the cell phone for that matter ... just take your time and write how you want but if your gonna break it up into chunks do so with the intent of leaving that last little bit unknown.

09-07-2010, 07:08 AM	#21
spazpat Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 16	this is a great story, really developing into something good

09-07-2010, 02:47 PM	#22
DaringChicka Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: In an apartment with a roomate. I'm unwilling to involve her. Posts: 80	GOOD!!!! post more!

09-08-2010, 11:56 AM	#23
firenight getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: mi Posts: 370	please go on want to here more

09-14-2010, 12:30 AM	#24
truth Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 76	more more more more more

10-02-2010, 09:44 PM	#26
ursoweird123 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: New York, NY, US Posts: 243	Please continue. It's a great story!

10-07-2010, 10:57 AM	#27
undertaker Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 40	Guess this story is discontinued

10-07-2010, 07:25 PM	#28
ursoweird123 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: New York, NY, US Posts: 243	My guess. That's quite sad. This was a great story and definitely had a lot going for it. Oh well. I won't be mad if you continue by the way XD!

10-07-2010, 08:06 PM	#29
SeeNaked Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Illinois Posts: 170	Your wrong!! This isn't discontinued! I've just had so much going on, I havn't had a chance to finish the next section... don't worry! it's coming!