when to break a hard limit?

[Sir Vicarious]

I was recently contacted by a sub I had for a while and asked to help her resolve an issue she had with her present master:

So that you understand everything let me give you a little background info:
Our relationship was a purely telephone, internet master/ slave relationship. I believe I was her first dom, but since me she has had at least 2 others.

The reason she left was 2 fold, one her husband had a problem with the orgasm control techniques I was using, and two she wanted to start going to local munches and meet a dom in person (so as to have the oppurtunity to try new things bdsm wise, cause lets face it, whipping over the phone is rather hard). During this whole time she had a few hard limits, among these were: meeting in person (ie: where it was only dom and her) and penetration (ie: sex).

The problem:
The last dom she had, broke three hard limits. They were meeting behind her husbands back during that session they broke three hard limits, including having sex during a bdsm session. Also, she said that at the time of the event (because of subspace, heat of the moment etc.) she wanted it.

The present master did know all of her hard limits, also is presently pressuring her to break her remaining hard limits.

I told her that if it was me i wouldn't break her hard limits (at least until we had a new discussion about hard limits etc.), even if she said during the bdsm that she wanted it. Mainly because a person can want something while in the heat of the moment, and yet after, doing it can cause them harm, whether mentally, emotionally physically etc.

After all this is suppose to be something that both people enjoy, and if the sub regrets it / feels guilty etc. after, then even if at the moment it was pleasureable, you can't really say both people enjoyed it, not really. Besides, the fact she came to me to get my opinion talk about it etc. tells me at some level she is unsettled about it.


My question to you, is this. I have always felt that hard limits shouldn't be crossed, even in the heat of the moment. What is your opinion?

[Mistress Amethyst]

It depends on the limit. If it's something that is not going to hurt the slave (perhaps watersports, as an example), I think I would allow them to break it naturally in the heat of the moment. A hard limit that is sex with others... I would not break that, except after extensive discussion about it when not aroused. I would never break that with a slave in the heat of the moment.

Generally though, I would not break hard limits when asked during arousal. If the slave wanted to ease into overcoming it, then of course - but after talking about it first of all. It's not something you do on a whim.

[Sir Vicarious]

Originally Posted by Mistress Amethyst

It depends on the limit. If it's something that is not going to hurt the slave (perhaps watersports, as an example), I think I would allow them to break it naturally in the heat of the moment. A hard limit that is sex with others... I would not break that, except after extensive discussion about it when not aroused. I would never break that with a slave in the heat of the moment.

Generally though, I would not break hard limits when asked during arousal. If the slave wanted to ease into overcoming it, then of course - but after talking about it first of all. It's not something you do on a whim.

my opinion exactly. Thanks.

Also thanks for pointing out that some smaller hard limits can he pushed, but in general not broken.