Car Wash

[JohnKim2020]

I read a few of the stories here, so I thought I should try my hand at writing one. If I get a decent response to the first post, I will continue. If I do not get a good response, I will leave it with the written chapter. Tips would be great, but as this is my first story, don't go too hard on me.

CHARACTERS
Adam(M)-17 years old-main character of the story
Jake(M)-16 years old-New member of the club-Close friend with Adam
Bebe(F)-18 years old-President of the club
Yoneda(F)-17 years old-Vice president of the club
Eve-(F)-17 years old-Member of the club, close friends with Yoneda
Chelsea(F)-15 years old-Newest member of the club-Only knows Eve
Bethan(F)-16 years old-Member of the club


CHAPTER 1
There was this club on campus (just a regular plain club, not a sex club or anything) which has an annual fundraiser car wash in the summertime. Adam was excited for the car wash because if they earned enough money, the club might be able to go on a week camping trip together. He had a secret crush on Eve and would love to go on a camping trip with her. When he arrived, Jake, Bebe, Eve, Bethan, and Chelsea were already there getting the materials ready for the car wash. Little did Adam know that he was in for an adventure that he would never forget.

[Honestman]

It's ok. I would give more details. For me it's details, Details, DETAILS. Also we don't know were the story takes place. It could be year one in Antarctica. A good setup should have a who (covered), when (need), where (also need), and then later a how (turning point). The set up of the how is the attention grabber and helps decide what, where, why, and who things happen to. I would like you to continue to see how this goes. Also try to make the chapter long but don't ramble on and on unless nessesary to make a cliffhanger. (note on cliffhangers, don't stop right after an interesting scene. Stop right before the climax, let it build then stop. Creates anticipation for next chapters and gives time for you to think how to go about things.) don't forget to correct it and check spelling. You can't believe some stories, horrible grammer, and the chapter is a giant block instead of paragraphs and remember the quotes. It's funny, I was talking about not rambling on and here I go, I'm ok(sarcastic). It's not bad of a start. I've seen worse, espesially in class.

[JohnKim2020]

Here is part two, hope you enjoy. Feel free to post any tips or criticism

CHAPTER 2
Everyone already there greeted Adam as he approached. Adam helped the rest of the members prepare the materials for the car wash and in half an hour, everything was ready and the rest of the club, including Yoneda, had arrived. After getting many cars the first hour, things began to slow down. An hour later, all the club members had left except for Adam, Jake, Bebe, Yoneda, Eve, Chelsea, and Bethan. Everyone was getting bored washing cars. So while waiting for more cars to show up, Jake suggested they make things little more interesting. He asked "Hey, I think we are all getting tired of just washing cars. How about we make washing the next round of cars more interesting?" Everyone was ready for some excitement and was eager to hear his idea. Bethan asked "What were you thinking?"
Jake replied "How about we divide into guys and girls, and which ever team cleans their car first can assign a dare to the losing team" Bethan loved bets so she immediately agreed. One by one, the rest of the group all consented to participate in the race except for Yoneda. Yoneda was really shy, but with little peer pressure from the girls, finally agreed. Adam complained "But there are five girls and two of us guys, that hardly seems fair" Chelsea thought, to make it more fair, that they should have to wash 2 cars, while the guys only have to wash one. The rest of the group was satisfied with the suggestion. They decided to draw straws to see who gets the pick of the cars. Adam drew for the guys and Eve drew for the girls. The guys got the longer straw and therefore would get the first pick of the car. Ten minutes later, three cars arrived to be washed and the race began!!

[andom4444]

Sounds promising!

[HHHobo]

This interests me. Keep it going!

[JohnKim2020]

Here is chapter 3. Hope you enjoy it and keep the comments coming

CHAPTER 3
The guys got a head start, but the girls caught up quickly. By the time that the guys had finished spraying the car with the hose, the girls had finished their first car. The girls worked together flawless, from sponging to drying while Jake and Adam were blaming each other for falling behind. Girls were drying the second car while the guys were still sponging. Then the guys caught a break, Bethan was preoccupied with the thought of embarrassing the guys that she didn't look where she was walking and accidentally knocked over the water bucket, getting both the car and the rest of the girls wet. Not only did it make the girls re-dry the car, it also caused enough distraction for the guys to finish drying their car before the girls could. The girls had lost. The guys helped finish the girls car and collected the money from the drivers. Adam and Jake got in a huddle to discuss what kind of dare they should assign the girls while the girls were drying themselves after the water bucket incident. They were very annoyed at Bethan for costing them the competition. Finally, the guys got out of the huddle and turned to the girls. Adam looked at the girls with a smirk on his face, "We won, now its time for you girls to pay up. There is two hours left before the end of the car wash and for the rest of the time. The dare is, for the rest of the car wash, all of you have to wash the car completely naked!"

[Honestman]

This looks very promising, keep it up.