[Fiction] kidnapped and sold ??

[boundgirl]

This is tie first time i am
writing a story. So pleaseread it and give any
feedback . K lets begin

chapter 1
Julie was a sixteen year old virgin .She was quite tall and beautifull . She had long pink hair , big tits ,cute butt . Overall she was one of the most hot girls in her college .
More than twelve boys had proposed her and she had rejected all of them.Shehad a big crushon her neighbour clark .clark was sixteen ,strong ,but skinny guy . He livedalone in the house .Clark too loved julie but did not have the guts to propose her considering she had rejected everyone who had proposed her till date .

This took place on a summer evening . Julie's parents were out of station for a month . This was the first time julie would be alone in her house . She took this chance and invited clark for a sleepover . Clark was overjoyed and accepted .

Julie could not wait for the night . She had planned to propose clark that day and strip for him . Just as she was thinking about it the door bell rang . She opened the door and found nobody there . She was just about to turn back when somebody from the chloroformed her . . . . .

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Waiting for feedback . All ideas are welcome . :a

[boundgirl]

SO HERE IS THE THIRD CHAPTER . PLS GIVE FEED BACK . WILL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON. PLS POST REPLIES GIVING FEEDBACK................



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Julie regained her consciousness and woke up.She tried to move around but discovered her hands were tied at elbows and wrists together behind her back.
Her legs were tied together. She was gagged and blindfolded.There was an earphone attached to her ears. All she could listen was a big beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep through it. She tried struggling and tried to move ,but could'nt move a muscle. The earphones were frustrating her.

Suddenly she felt somebody touch her nipples and patted her butt . Her earphones were removed and she could hear a bit.. The guy said ,"hello cutie , how are you? oops i forgot you could not talk ha ha ha ... Now you are under my control . So what should I do with you ??? ha ha ha "

[boundgirl]

Julie tried to move but could'nt . The hit her on her nipples and "its no use struggling . I have tied you very tight . So what should i do with you . Since you are totally helpless now . You will be my slave for one month and do anything and everything i tell you . You got that ??? Can you guess who i am ???. I am peter. . . " . Julie felt a big shock through her nerves when she heard the name. Of all the people it had to be him. (a small note on peter . He was same age and same class as julie . He was the captain of tie school soccer team ,was strong ,six one in height ,and had proposed her five times without success) . So now it was revenge time ."hello i asked you a question . You ready to accept my deal or prefer to stay tied up . And for your info i have tied you up in your own house and in your own room. Think and decide i will be back in a minute ." .saying so he put the ear plugs back on her and went away . Julie was now in a fix . She did not have any choice but to accept . An addition to that she was kidmapped in her OWN HOUSE . . .




Fourth chapter will be put tomorrow . So what do you think about it . Comment your feed back. . . .

Thanks for reading .

[coreymason18]

there are some flaws in your story like going to college at 16 purposed and some spelling mistakes but it is a good story

[boundgirl]

Originally Posted by coreymason18

there are some flaws in your story like going to college at 16 purposed and some spelling mistakes but it is a good story

yes i meant to type eighteen but thought it was too old . So changed it to sixteen .
As for my spellings will try to keep them correct .

Thanks for your feed back . . .

[boundgirl]

Julie was their tied up . All her senses were blocked . She was gagged,blindfolded,and she could'nt hear anything . And all this in her own house . Suddenly she felt her earphones being removed . He asked "what have you decided ??? You ready to be my slave ??". She accepted and nodded her head in acceptance . .


"now thats good " he said and removed her gag . Julie breathed down heavily and asked "what do you intend to do to me now ??" . "lets see if i f**k you it will be like forcing you . I will sell you to someone as a slave . I need money now . I know i can easily rob your house but i dont wanna do it . So heres the deal . You are FOR SALE ." . Suddenly something flashed through julie's mind her neighbour would come for a sleepover . He would rescue her . Atleast she hoped . The door bell rang. . .









So how was it . Pls comment and rate . Next chapter after 3 days or earlier . !!

[tnimeerf]

Im new im not an expert, the story is already on a good way. But the chapters are to short, can you give them more details, for example when in the story she is bound with a rope, scribe something about the rope, for example what how it feel on the skin or, the color, or its cold(better for chains)

And Please don start with

Julie was a sixteen year old virgin .She was quite tall and beautifull . She had long pink hair , big tits ,cute butt . Overall she was one of the most hot girls in her college .
Pink is a littel bit strange, tra to say that she color the hairs pink, or something and most important thing about the Character before you think about their pink hairs or something, is he more an rebel or an pussycat?

Or something like that
i learn englisch @school but in my text is (i think so) not so many spelling Mistakes. Try to improve this,
And you are on the best way to get an good writer, that writes wonderfull stories.

[boundgirl]

Yes you are right i am keeping the chapters a bit short . Will try to make them large .
As for the details you had asked ,i have kept them for the next chapter
About the introduction part ,i too feel it should have been eighteen . Also i added the word 'virgin ' because it will play a huge role in the coming days . .









Overall i like to thank you for your feedback . Feel free to give any feedback in future also . Will probably post the next chapter tomorrow . . .

[boundgirl]

let me male this clear to all
DO NOT BRING ANY NAME OF ANY RELIGON /CASTE INTO THIS . THIS STORY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT . . .

[tnimeerf]

Can write about the conflict between her proud and his orders, and don forget Peter needs a great leverage to get a girl to a slave. I hope the story get good. Don't make 4 Chapters for Introduction, additional details, if their is a tree in the story say, what type for example: an leaf tree or an conifer. Try to find good reasons why people do what they do. I deleted the one Post that get you so angry u delete your to?


Back to her story, i hope its good. And i hope its come soon, :-)

[Fled-is-that-music]

You asked for feedback, so I'm going to give it as gently as I possibly can but, it's not going to be entirely pretty.

Stop and rewind a minute. I'm coming at this as a writer and not someone fapping off, read what you've written. Seriously, read it out loud.

"Julie was a sixteen year old virgin .She was quite tall and beautifull . She had long pink hair , big tits ,cute butt ."

Using so many short sentences together is boring, it sounds wrong and it puts anybody off. You actually do it a lot in all of your chapters. Also look at the spelling/grammar, given if English isn't your first language there's so many spell/grammar checks out there; if you don't use them everything looks lazy and sloppy.

Another critical thing is to never tell a reader, show them. She doesn't have a 'cute butt' instead 'the cloth of her skirt pulled into a wrinkle at the back, hugging her firm rear.' make it sound erotic, paint that image that the readers need.

I know it sounds harsh, but erotic writing is the hardest sort to pull off, so if you can't manage to master the basics it's going to look grim. I'm sure your plot underneath is fine, but getting to it means going through so much technical error it hurts.

[boundgirl]

YES YOU ARE RIGHT I too feel the starting could have been better.Also I know that I have hurried through the chapters.Will rectify these in the front. I like to thank you for replying with your feedback.This is my first story.So will improve with time. Please continue to read and feel free to comment anytime.........

[boundgirl]

Julie lied there tied up.She tried to guess how long she was out cold and what was the time now.Suddenly she notice she was only in a red bra that just hid her breasts which stood out because of the rope harness which was connected to her elbows which were in turn tied to the chair.She later noticed that she was wearing a black thong that pressed against her pussy because of the crotch rope that were connected to her wrists.She was now scared coz her outfit was changed and probably she was seen nude by her master(that's what she was supposed to call him ). She now got scared if there were any pictures of her which was taken. Julie , who had rejected so many boys was now controlled by one of them. She was at his mercy.While she was busy thinking about it,the flow of her thoughts stopped when she felt someone touch her. She cou;ld feel the hands,they were soft,smooth...Who could this be ??



wait for the next chapter


SO GUYS AND GALS LIKE IN ANY OF THE ABOVE POSTS ANY FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED. MINIMIZED THE MISTAKES IN THIS POST

[tnimeerf]

Julie lied there tied up.She tried to guess how long she was out cold and what was the time now.Suddenly she notice she was only in a red bra that just hid her breasts which stood out because of the rope harness which was connected to her elbows which were in turn tied to the chair.She later noticed that she was wearing a black thong that pressed against her pussy because of the crotch rope that were connected to her wrists.She was now scared coz her outfit was changed and probably she was seen nude by her master(that's what she was supposed to call him ). She now got scared if there were any pictures of her which was taken. Julie , who had rejected so many boys was now controlled by one of them. She was at his mercy.While she was busy thinking about it,the flow of her thoughts stopped when she felt someone touch her. She cou;ld feel the hands,they were soft,smooth...Who could this be ??"

Its much better, than before. Thabks to "Fled-is-that-music". You said really clear, what want to say. Not marked is also great, youre on the best way to bee a great writer.
Pls look at the read places, there i see problems, the green are how its good. Im not a Pro. I also don't speak englisch well. Youre story is getting more "hot".

[boundgirl]

Hurray . This story just completed a thousand views . Next chapter coming in a day or two