[Fiction] Around the Fire [MxM]

[Eagle eye]

I've read several of the stories on here and decided I'd give it a shot. Let me know what you think. Constructive and positive criticism is always appreciated! So here goes nothing!

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A Night Around the Fire
Chapter 1

I lay in the grass looking up at the stars, my finger intertwined with his, just lying there, staring out into space. I turned over and locked eyes with him. I lost myself staring into his beautiful blue eyes, as if staring into the ocean waiting to catch a glimpse of some majestic beast. He reached out and ran his fingers through my rugged dirty blonde hair. He slid his hand down the back of my head then pulled me in. Our lips met and the feeling of ecstasy shot through my body. We lay there in the grass our tongues wrestling the others, under the dark night sky the stars shining down on us. As we broke apart he leaned in to my ear and whispered, “Matthew you know I lo….”

All of a sudden I was shaken from my daydream, Mr. Higgins was standing next to me saying, “If you don’t get up now your going to be late for fourth block.”

“Sorry Mr. Higgins, I didn’t realize I fell asleep again.” I said sluggishly pulling myself up from my desk and shoving my books into my bag.

“If you keep falling asleep like this you’ll never be able to pass my class, or Ms. Dale’s at this rate, get going before you’re late to her class too.” Mr. Higgins retorted.

Mr. Higgins was a nice teacher and always sarcastic about me sleeping through his class. He knew even though I slept through his class I had the highest grade in math, and always would.

I rushed out into the hallway fighting through the mobs of people just standing around as if they had eternity to get to class. I couldn’t help my mind wonder off to the daydream I had just had.

I had always considered myself straight but I kept having these dreams about my friends. I would never consider doing anything like that in real life, or never thought I would. But why would I keep having these dreams then? Did this mean I was gay or at least bi-curious?

I managed to squeeze through the traffic and was about to make it into Ms. Dale’s class. As I walked through the door the late bell rang and I slipped into my seat before Ms. Dale noticed. She was a pretty laid back teacher but took the rules way too serious, even for a German teacher. She walked up into the front of the class and looked straight at me. She then looked back down at her roll and seemed to be changing something as she snorted, “Good to see you finally decided to join us on time Mr. Taylor.”

“Sorry Ms. Dale, I had to stay after in Mr. Higgins class, he needed to talk to me.” I responded in vein, as if it would change anything.

“You beat your record from last week at least.” She spat back slightly amused at her satiric comment. “Now everyone, machen Sie Ihre Bücher auf und wenden Sie sich Seite ein hundert zweiundneunzig.”

I hated it when she gave us directions in German. Even though I understood what she said she’d say it way to fast to understand what she was saying.

I looked over at my friend Daniel who leaned over and whispered to me. “Cut that a bit close today did we? Hey what page did she say to turn to?”

“Sorry man I keep falling asleep in math and having the weirdest dreams, and I don’t have a freakin’ clue.” I whispered back, hoping Ms. Dale wouldn’t hear us.

“She said one ninety two.” Katy spat out from behind us.

“Thanks!” Both Daniel and I said back, half sarcastically while we franticly flipped the pages in our books there before she started teaching.

Ms. Dale began teaching her lesson about properly conjugating verbs in weak and strong past tense. Why does German have to have so many different forms of the same words?

“Hey man are you doing anything this weekend?” Daniel looked over at me while Ms. Dale had her back to the board.

“Nah, you guys doing something?” I asked back right before Ms. Dale turned back around and looked at us.

“Yeah, the guys are all getting together and going camping. You want to go?” He muttered under his breath so Ms. Dale hopefully wouldn’t hear him.

“Sounds like fun! Text me the info after school so I can ask my mom.” I hurriedly said back before Ms. Dale got onto us.

“Daniel, Matthew, Do you two have something to tell us?” she hissed.

“Sorry Ms. Dale, I was just asking him how to properly conjugate to leave in past tense.” I replied sarcastically hoping she wouldn’t catch on.

“You say it like, Schließen Sie und erhalten Sie zurück, Herrn Taylor zu bearbeiten.” She retorted clearly catching on to my sarcasm and responding with her own muse.

The rest of class went uneventful except for the speaking test half the class forgot about, but luckily it was easy enough. As the bell rang we all shot out the door. It was the weekend and nobody was going to hang around in German on their weekend.

As we rushed out the door Daniel hit me on the arm and said, “I’ll send you the text as soon as I get home, and we’re going to leave some time around five. That good with you?”

“Yeah man, I’m pumped!” I said while hurdling some freshman that dropped his books in the hallway. “See you then man.”


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Let me know what you think. Hope to have chapter two up soon!

[ExtremeMaster33]

This is great and the beginning really got me and I can't wait for chapter 2 so

[Demon Thief]

I'm interested to see where this goes...

[Demonking]

Sehr gut ich liebe Deutsche Ich bin nach Deutschland gehen vom ersten August bis zum neunzehnten

[Eagle eye]

Ich liebe, auf Deutsch zu sprechen, da die meisten Leute es nicht verstehen.

[Saphir]

Heey :3

First of all I avoid writing critique on a 3+ Beer state, but this first chapter kinda got me to still comment. Hoping it's not too bad.

I do like your writing and would like to read more from it.

Vocabulary is good (for me personally very good), description is appropriate, the first paragraph is kinda cheesy but very fitting. :3

So far I don't see a problem with monotony of sentence beginnings (which is a very common problem), very good for a first try!

The content builts up slowly... is it rather going to be romantic or "porno"? Either way is good, also I really like when the first chapter does NOT start like "she walked along the street" and ends with "she was tied up for 24 days now and 23728357 men had peed on her!" ^^

You definitely should continue this!

Feel free to send me a message and as me for feedback when you update. _)

Some details:

Ms. Dale began teacher her lesson about properly conjugating verbs in weak and strong past tense.

teaching?

about properly conjugating verbs in weak and strong past tense.

You really call it that? ^^ Isn't it strong and weak verbs in the past tense? (the verbs are called weak and strong because they change their basic form... or am I mistaken in this case/do you just call that differently in English?) - no prob if you can't reply to that... it's just grammatical blabla... just being interested... :3

“Now everyone, machen Sie Ihre Bücher aus und wenden Sie sich an Seite ein hundert zweiundneunzig.”

“Now everyone, machen Sie Ihre Bücher auf und wenden Sie sich Seite einhundertzweiundneunzig zu.”

Numbers are written as one word, Bücher macht man auf. Feuer, Kerzen den Computer und das Auto macht man aus. (open/off)

idk how to put that with books better but wenden would be used with zu (as it derives from (sich) etw. zuwenden

Rather minor mistakes tho, very good with the capitalization... are you learning German at school? Looks very good so far!

“You say it like, Schließen Sie und erhalten Sie zurück, Herrn Taylor zu bearbeiten.”

I didn't quite catch this one, was it meant to be just random or actually to mean something?


Btw, if you want to include any German sentences in your Story, feel free to shoot me a message for reading/correcting them. :3

It was the weekend and nobody was going to hang around in German on their weekend.

What's wrong with you man never been to Germany? Never drank German beer? Eat German Wurst? Partied with German teens who look like children to you and drink you totally under the table? ;D
What's wrong with a German weekend, besides the hangover maybe :P

jk ;D

Looking forward to your next chapter and your respond about your German and where you learnt it

Love

[Eagle eye]

Thanks for the check. I was learning german in school, the problem was my german teacher wasn't very good, hence no one liked to stay in her class. I love german just not her.

[Demonking]

Ich auch... haben Sie nach Deutschland gegangen?

[Saphir]

Sounds cool! :3

Ich auch... haben Sie nach Deutschland gegangen?

Verbs of movement (gehen, fahren, fliegen, laufen, etc.) are always used with sein (to be)
-> bist du auch nach Deutschland gegangen (better: bist du auch in Deutschland gewesen)


Do you mean me? I've been living in Germany for my whole life

And you're coming to Germany this summer, demonking, if I caught that right? Whatcha gonna do over here? :3 Holidays with family? student exchange? know the city yet? :3

@eagle: And do you still use your German now and then/do you know some Germans or just abandoned it? (Rammstein? )

By the way... where is the story set? US? UK? Any state in particular?

[Eagle eye]

I do use my german still, i live in an area where there are a lot of germans moving in and its nice to be able to talk german with them. As far as the story goes its based in US and more will be revealed in the upcoming chapters.

[TheChris]

Continue Please you are an amazing writer. Like... if you dont post again soon theres going to be problems.

Just kidding

~Chris

But really

[Demonking]

Originally Posted by Saphir

Sounds cool! :3



Verbs of movement (gehen, fahren, fliegen, laufen, etc.) are always used with sein (to be)
-> bist du auch nach Deutschland gegangen (better: bist du auch in Deutschland gewesen)


Do you mean me? I've been living in Germany for my whole life

And you're coming to Germany this summer, demonking, if I caught that right? Whatcha gonna do over here? :3 Holidays with family? student exchange? know the city yet? :3


@eagle: And do you still use your German now and then/do you know some Germans or just abandoned it? (Rammstein? )

By the way... where is the story set? US? UK? Any state in particular?

I'm going for a student exchange and sorry I'm in low level German so we haunt gotten to anything past the basics but I try

[Eagle eye]

Thank you all for the comments and feed back. So without further ado here is chapter two. (ha that rhymed)

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After a long car ride home I walked into my house and went right up to my room. I quickly proceeded to change out of the atrocious thing our school calls a dress code into something a little more um… liberating. As I walked back down stairs to get a snack from the kitchen my phone went off back upstairs. “Ugh it never fails….” I muttered under my breath, while turning around and heading back up the stairs. When I got there I saw Daniel had sent me a text.

‘We’re headed out to Indian Boundary, up in the Cherokee forest. My mom is driving and will pick you up around five-ish. They can’t stay because they have some concert to go to so it will just be us. Will your mom let you go?
Daniel-man of myth’

As I sat there reading it thinking, he still has that stupid signature… I typed up my message.

'Yeah, she’s not home yet but I’m sure she won’t care we’ve been there a thousand times. Who all is going with us?
Matthew-change your freaking signature!’

I grabbed my phone and headed down stairs to, successfully, get my snack. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a can of soda and opened the freezer to see what “child proof” snacks my mother had bought for me. After choosing from the boxes of Hot Pockets she’d bought I threw one in the microwave and went to lay down on the couch in the living room.

As I lay down my phone went off again.

‘It’s you, Jonathan, Connor, and I. I figured you could bring your tent and I’d bring mine and we’d decide who’s sleeping where on the way up. You getting pumped yet, we don’t have school Monday so we’ll leave Monday some time around lunch.
Daniel – His mythical signature!’

Did he really do that…? Of course it’s Daniel. I thought. Jonathan, Connor, Daniel and I for a whole weekend would be fun. Wait we didn’t have school Monday?

‘I didn’t know we didn’t have school Monday, but yeah that sounds sweet! We going swimming up there or just hanging out?
Matthew – His more mythical signature!’

As I hit the send button the timer on the microwave went off so I hopped up and went to the kitchen to get my snack. I pulled the half popped Hot Pocket out of the microwave and went back to the living room to plan what I needed to pack.

I sat there eating, texting Daniel about random crap when I got a text from Connor.

‘Hey! Daniel told me you’re going with us this weekend. Sweet we’re going to have so much fun ;-) Make sure you bring your iPod and camera.
Connor – “insert signature here” ‘

Connor and I always played around like we were gay winking at each other in the hallway and making sexual innuendos about each other but we never really meant it. But today, that dream I’d had, did it mean anything or was it just me thinking about us joking around. I really wasn’t sure. Why did he want me to bring a camera? My IPod I understand but my camera? What did he have in mind?

‘I’m pumped dude! WE ARE going to have so much fun; we don’t have to tell Daniel and Jonathan. XD jk. Why do you want me to bring my camera?
Matthew – His more mythical signature!’

I had just finished my snack and thrown it away so I went upstairs to pack all my clothes and gear. It was physically obvious I was excited about this weekend, but why?

After several minutes of packing I looked up at the clock and noticed it said it was nearly four thirty. My mom would be home soon and I’d be leaving soon. As the thoughts about this weekend where swirling through my head I remembered they wanted me to bring my IPod and camera so I grabbed them and threw them inside my bag. Then I remembered Connor never answered why he wanted me to bring the camera.

About that time my mother walked in from the garage, worn out and collapsed on the couch. I came trotting down the stairs all my gear in my hands and dropped it by the front door.

“Hey mom some of the guys are going camping this weekend up in Tellico can I go?” I asked in my little kid who really wants the lollypop voice.

“Sure, who’s taking you guys? There is an adult going right?” she asked in her protective mother mode, as she sat up on the couch to look at me.

“Yeah Daniel’s Mother is driving us. She’s coming at five to pick me up.” I said, partially leaving out the truth about her not staying, but hey she asked if anyone was going not staying.

“Alright, what time are you going to get home?” She continued to quiz.

“Sometime around three on Monday. Did you know I didn’t have school Monday?” I asked flipping the questions on her.

“Yeah, I was just not going to wake you up Monday let you have a day to rest.” She said while laying back down on the couch to have her afternoon nap.

“Oh, thanks….” I replied kind of upset she hadn’t bothered to tell me.

I walked into the kitchen and filled up my Nalgene with water and ice and got ready for Daniel’s mom to pick me up at five.

I laid down on the love seat in our living room to rest up till five. I began to drift of to sleep when suddenly there came a storm knocking and ringing at the door.

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Hope this chapter is as good as the last. Things will start to get a little more interesting after this chapter.

[Demonking]

Great chapter can't Waite to see what the camera and iPod are for

[Saphir]

hey, I like it

Nice idea with the sms's and the signatures, I liked that
I would've formatted it differently tho... probably in italics or something and maybe done it rather in sms-shape, so you don't have like 2 long and 1 short line but rather like...

‘It’s you, Jonathan, Connor, and I. I figured you
could bring your tent and I’d bring mine and we’d
decide who’s sleeping where on the way up. You
getting pumped yet, we don’t have school Monday
so we’ll leave Monday some time around lunch.
Daniel – His mythical signature!’

Ah I don't know, doesn't look perfect either...but I think the way with the centered but else not distinguished paragraphs is kinda not so nice to read... at least to me it was^^

But I like it... really looking forward to more

Love

edit/ps: @Demonking: correction is always meant to improve, not to make you look like a fool or something Your German is better than the one of many other students I know. Send you a message btw :3