Fiction: First meeting

Markbassplayer · 01-28-2011, 11:13 AM

Below is the first part of a story I wrote a while back. I recently realized something very interesting about it, and I went back and made a few changes. The updated version is below.

Let me know what you think. Also let me know if you notice the interesting angle I did

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You’re sitting in your room, waiting. No one else is home. It’s completely silent all around. A book is open in front of you, but you’ve been staring at the same page for the past half hour, unable to concentrate. Your eyes keep flitting to the clock. You freeze every time a car drives by, listening to see if it stops…and finally, one does.

You want to run to the window and look out, but you are frozen in your chair. You hear footsteps out front, walking to the door….and then a knock. You make yourself stand, and glance down—you’re wearing jeans and a tight black shirt, just as ordered. You quickly walk to the front door, then pause before it. Taking a deep breath, you flip the lock and turn the knob.

The world stops. I’m standing there outside the doorway. You freeze again, eyes locked with mine, not knowing what to think. It just didn’t seem real, that it could actually happen. We gaze at each other for a long time. Finally, you stammer “Come in….” and I step inside.

We stand there, silent for a moment. Your mind is a blur, thinking about everything that’s about to happen, thrilled and scared and excited all at once. Your heart is pounding.

I reach out my hand, and holding your breath, you take it. The first touch.

“Lead on,” I say.

You lead me upstairs to your bedroom. As we enter, you see my eyes take in the chair in front of the computer…the chair where you sat while we talked, while we joked, while we discussed life and relationships and everything else.

I let go of your hand, and you turn to face me, an arm’s length away.

“Have you done exactly as ordered?”

You try to talk, but can’t form the words. You nod your head.

“Good.” I say. I pause, then “Shall we begin?”

You nod again.

“Remove your shirt.”

You reach down and grab the bottom of your shirt, and quickly pull it over your head. You’re a little surprised at how quickly you do this….you’re so used to responding to my orders that it was almost automatic. That thought is both exciting and a little bit scary.

“And now your pants.”

You slowly unbutton your pants and slide them off, stepping out of them and setting them aside. You stand up slowly, now in just your underwear. You can feel your face reddening as you feel my eye on you. The air is cool on your exposed skin. You have to force yourself to look up and meet my eyes.

There is a long pause, as I look you up and down. You can feel your blush deepening, while at the same time that warm tingle of excitement you’ve been feeling all evening is increasing.

“Stand perfectly still. Close your eyes”

You sense me step closer to you….and then nothing. Silence. You crane your ears, hoping to hear me move. Then, suddenly, you feel the brush of my fingers against your neck. You shiver. They trace down slowly to your shoulder, sliding smoothly down your chest , down your stomach, lower and lower….stopping just past your bellybutton. I pause there….lingering. My other hand brushes your back, moving the opposite direction, low to high…just barely touching.

You sense me lean in closer, your eyes still shut. You feel my breath against your ear, soft and warm. “Are you ready?”

You whisper….”Yes.”

I whisper back….”Think back to when we talked. When I told you about us in the park. What I would do to you. Keep your eyes closed…and do what you did while you were reading my story. Now.”

And you sense me step away.

You feel your arm moving, almost on its own…the response is so automatic, to do as I say, and now I’m here whispering it in your ear…..you slide your hand into your underwear, gasping a little at the first touch….you’re so ready…..you begin to rub, slowly, savoring the sensation….it’s been three days since you’ve been allowed to touch, and a week before that since you have been allowed to cum….The feeling intensifies quickly, and you increase your speed, rubbing faster….you know I’m standing there, watching you, and that makes it even more intense…you are trying to control yourself, trying to maintain your composure, but your breath is quickening, and you feel yourself wanting to gasp….you fight it, trying to remain calm, all the time your fingers going faster and faster, and now you’re getting closer and closer….remembering my orders from yesterday, when we discussed everything that would happen tonight, you keep going….and now you’re right at the edge….and you open your mouth and gasp….”Sir….may I cum?”

Silence….you keep rubbing, not letting up, holding it off….it’s so hard to hold it off, but you know you’re not allowed to slow down…you ask again, more desperately “Sir, may I cum?”

Silence…..you can’t hold back much longer, you can feel it almost starting….and still no answer….frustrated, confused, you open your eyes…..and see me standing there, arms crossed, watching you….you feel so ashamed and embarrassed and unbelievably horny, still rubbing, gasping out loud now, unable to hide it….and then I say “Stop.”

You pull your hand away, every fiber of your body crying out to continue, but you automatically respond to my order. Standing there, hands at your side, still trembling on the edge, you stare into my eyes, confused….

I stand there, arms crossed, staring down at you. “I didn’t say you could open your eyes. But you did. I was going to let you cum….but since you disobeyed, I’ve changed my mind. You will have to be punished.”

You stand there, tingling, still on the edge, mind racing, staring into my eyes, wondering what else is in store…this wasn’t part of the plan….you were going to get yourself off like this first, and then there would be other things….your legs tremble a bit, as you feel yourself gradually easing away from the edge, frustrated, aching for more contact, wondering what will happen next….

Rachie · 01-28-2011, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Markbassplayer

”Sir….may I cum?”

Silence…..

wondering what will happen next….

You have taken the words write out of my mouth - i am wondering what will happen next

DELETED PARAGRAPH AT WRITER'S PERMISSION (related to story but wanted readers to discover)

Keep up the great work

Love Rachie (always hear to help if needed)

GetMeon44 · 01-28-2011, 02:41 PM

Coming from a fellow author.

I enjoy how it is so easy to put yourself in the position with you perspective. This is very original.

Remember to stick to this format.

Keep it up, Post often.

You got a 5 Stars story going, Sir.

Well done.

pymani96 · 01-28-2011, 03:21 PM

Really good. I think you grammar needs improving, but very good.
Pymani96

Ch3rry B0mb · 04-18-2011, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pymani96

Really good. I think you grammar needs improving, but very good.
Pymani96

So quaint to comment on the needs of grammatical improvement in another person's post while your own grammar sucks balls. Kudos. >=/

Quote:

Corrected:

Very good. I think your grammar needs improvement, but very good.

saga · 04-21-2011, 05:23 PM

well done, in so many ways!

Memories for Life · 04-22-2011, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ch3rry B0mb

So quaint to comment on the needs of grammatical improvement in another person's post while your own grammar sucks balls. Kudos. >=/

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ch3rry B0mb

Corrected:

Very good. I think your grammar needs improvement, but very good.

Yes, it is very quaint!

Better correction:

Your story is very good. You should make an effort to improve your grammar when writing your next chapter. If you write in a standard word processing application, the program will make suggested corrections to spelling and grammar. Overall, I like the story you're telling. I look forward to your next posting.

olivedivon · 04-25-2011, 08:35 PM

don't let this thread die! it was such a good story. please kelp going!

teenslaveboy · 04-27-2011, 12:23 PM

I found the interesting thing to which you were referring. It was easily discovered, because I used that same device in one of my (non-erotic) stories. I suppose we both had the same goal in mind when we decided to write that way; we both wanted to make an impact on whoever would read the story. However, I didn't think it would be possible to do it within a sexual tale. Indeed, your use of "Sir" does limit the deliberate ambiguity of the story.
To anyone who has yet to understand what I'm talking about, the "interesting angle" is that, while using the second person narrative style, the author never distinguishes the gender of the protagonist. However, as I mentioned earlier, "Sir" removes heterosexual males and homosexual females from the equation, or at least those who refuse to serve males.
My story was about a car accident due to drunk driving, and I felt it was necessary to include all groups of teenagers, to maximize impact. It's easier to internalize a story if you feel like it could relate to you.

cherrygirl · 07-05-2011, 07:18 PM

Please keep going!!!! You know how desperate the "you" feels? Thats how desperate I feel to know what happens next! Please mark!

SoulMore · 07-24-2012, 01:40 PM

Keep going I want to find out if she cums or not!

01-28-2011, 11:13 AM	#1
Markbassplayer Distinguished Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 766	First meeting Below is the first part of a story I wrote a while back. I recently realized something very interesting about it, and I went back and made a few changes. The updated version is below. Let me know what you think. Also let me know if you notice the interesting angle I did ----------------------------------------------------------------------- You’re sitting in your room, waiting. No one else is home. It’s completely silent all around. A book is open in front of you, but you’ve been staring at the same page for the past half hour, unable to concentrate. Your eyes keep flitting to the clock. You freeze every time a car drives by, listening to see if it stops…and finally, one does. You want to run to the window and look out, but you are frozen in your chair. You hear footsteps out front, walking to the door….and then a knock. You make yourself stand, and glance down—you’re wearing jeans and a tight black shirt, just as ordered. You quickly walk to the front door, then pause before it. Taking a deep breath, you flip the lock and turn the knob. The world stops. I’m standing there outside the doorway. You freeze again, eyes locked with mine, not knowing what to think. It just didn’t seem real, that it could actually happen. We gaze at each other for a long time. Finally, you stammer “Come in….” and I step inside. We stand there, silent for a moment. Your mind is a blur, thinking about everything that’s about to happen, thrilled and scared and excited all at once. Your heart is pounding. I reach out my hand, and holding your breath, you take it. The first touch. “Lead on,” I say. You lead me upstairs to your bedroom. As we enter, you see my eyes take in the chair in front of the computer…the chair where you sat while we talked, while we joked, while we discussed life and relationships and everything else. I let go of your hand, and you turn to face me, an arm’s length away. “Have you done exactly as ordered?” You try to talk, but can’t form the words. You nod your head. “Good.” I say. I pause, then “Shall we begin?” You nod again. “Remove your shirt.” You reach down and grab the bottom of your shirt, and quickly pull it over your head. You’re a little surprised at how quickly you do this….you’re so used to responding to my orders that it was almost automatic. That thought is both exciting and a little bit scary. “And now your pants.” You slowly unbutton your pants and slide them off, stepping out of them and setting them aside. You stand up slowly, now in just your underwear. You can feel your face reddening as you feel my eye on you. The air is cool on your exposed skin. You have to force yourself to look up and meet my eyes. There is a long pause, as I look you up and down. You can feel your blush deepening, while at the same time that warm tingle of excitement you’ve been feeling all evening is increasing. “Stand perfectly still. Close your eyes” You sense me step closer to you….and then nothing. Silence. You crane your ears, hoping to hear me move. Then, suddenly, you feel the brush of my fingers against your neck. You shiver. They trace down slowly to your shoulder, sliding smoothly down your chest , down your stomach, lower and lower….stopping just past your bellybutton. I pause there….lingering. My other hand brushes your back, moving the opposite direction, low to high…just barely touching. You sense me lean in closer, your eyes still shut. You feel my breath against your ear, soft and warm. “Are you ready?” You whisper….”Yes.” I whisper back….”Think back to when we talked. When I told you about us in the park. What I would do to you. Keep your eyes closed…and do what you did while you were reading my story. Now.” And you sense me step away. You feel your arm moving, almost on its own…the response is so automatic, to do as I say, and now I’m here whispering it in your ear…..you slide your hand into your underwear, gasping a little at the first touch….you’re so ready…..you begin to rub, slowly, savoring the sensation….it’s been three days since you’ve been allowed to touch, and a week before that since you have been allowed to cum….The feeling intensifies quickly, and you increase your speed, rubbing faster….you know I’m standing there, watching you, and that makes it even more intense…you are trying to control yourself, trying to maintain your composure, but your breath is quickening, and you feel yourself wanting to gasp….you fight it, trying to remain calm, all the time your fingers going faster and faster, and now you’re getting closer and closer….remembering my orders from yesterday, when we discussed everything that would happen tonight, you keep going….and now you’re right at the edge….and you open your mouth and gasp….”Sir….may I cum?” Silence….you keep rubbing, not letting up, holding it off….it’s so hard to hold it off, but you know you’re not allowed to slow down…you ask again, more desperately “Sir, may I cum?” Silence…..you can’t hold back much longer, you can feel it almost starting….and still no answer….frustrated, confused, you open your eyes…..and see me standing there, arms crossed, watching you….you feel so ashamed and embarrassed and unbelievably horny, still rubbing, gasping out loud now, unable to hide it….and then I say “Stop.” You pull your hand away, every fiber of your body crying out to continue, but you automatically respond to my order. Standing there, hands at your side, still trembling on the edge, you stare into my eyes, confused…. I stand there, arms crossed, staring down at you. “I didn’t say you could open your eyes. But you did. I was going to let you cum….but since you disobeyed, I’ve changed my mind. You will have to be punished.” You stand there, tingling, still on the edge, mind racing, staring into my eyes, wondering what else is in store…this wasn’t part of the plan….you were going to get yourself off like this first, and then there would be other things….your legs tremble a bit, as you feel yourself gradually easing away from the edge, frustrated, aching for more contact, wondering what will happen next….

01-28-2011, 02:41 PM	#3
GetMeon44 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Alaska? Posts: 213	Wow. Coming from a fellow author. I enjoy how it is so easy to put yourself in the position with you perspective. This is very original. Remember to stick to this format. Keep it up, Post often. You got a 5 Stars story going, Sir. Well done. __________________ Read my story. Hank A. Golden Ask Me Anything + Dares Send Me PM's with dares or if you just want to talk, I'm always open for a nice chat. <3 Chris 18/M/US

01-28-2011, 03:21 PM	#4
pymani96 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: - Posts: 354	Pymani96@getdare Really good. I think you grammar needs improving, but very good. Pymani96

04-25-2011, 08:35 PM	#8
olivedivon Account Banned Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 34	keep writing don't let this thread die! it was such a good story. please kelp going! __________________ picture Jimi Hendrixs. now picture Jimmy Page. Now picture them together! Isn't that creepy? but the awesomeness of it resembles something close to me. 14/m/usa

04-27-2011, 12:23 PM	#9
teenslaveboy Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 67	I found the interesting thing to which you were referring. It was easily discovered, because I used that same device in one of my (non-erotic) stories. I suppose we both had the same goal in mind when we decided to write that way; we both wanted to make an impact on whoever would read the story. However, I didn't think it would be possible to do it within a sexual tale. Indeed, your use of "Sir" does limit the deliberate ambiguity of the story. To anyone who has yet to understand what I'm talking about, the "interesting angle" is that, while using the second person narrative style, the author never distinguishes the gender of the protagonist. However, as I mentioned earlier, "Sir" removes heterosexual males and homosexual females from the equation, or at least those who refuse to serve males. My story was about a car accident due to drunk driving, and I felt it was necessary to include all groups of teenagers, to maximize impact. It's easier to internalize a story if you feel like it could relate to you. __________________ 19/US I have a male body, but I am gender-neutral. Limits: Extreme pain, messy, scat, moderate to extreme public, friends/family, chastity Soft limits: Cum eating, mild public, moderate pain, cbt, orgasm denial, cum control Likes: Edging, anal, humiliation, pet play, light pain, bondage, age play I'm not looking for a relationship, but I would be happy to perform tasks for you, or do sessions.

04-21-2011, 05:23 PM	#6
saga Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: east coast, USA Posts: 4	well done, in so many ways!

07-05-2011, 07:18 PM	#10
cherrygirl Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 41	Please keep going!!!! You know how desperate the "you" feels? Thats how desperate I feel to know what happens next! Please mark!

07-24-2012, 01:40 PM	#11
SoulMore Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Internet Posts: 30 Blog Entries: 1	Keep going I want to find out if she cums or not! __________________ Likes- Anal, Denial, Chocolate, Enema, Humiliation, Humping, Ice, Icy-Hot, Lingerie, Oil, Pet Play, Predicament, Rope, Situations, Spanking, Wedgies, Reading Getdare Posts Gets Me Horny Dislikes- Public, Family, Friends, Heavy Pain, Illegal, Permanent, Poop, Photo, Urine Drinking For You, I Will Not Do Pussy Insertion.