[Fiction] Three Months at Sea

[Demonking]

Background information:

His name was Justin and he was 17 he lived in a city along the coast of southern Florida. He was about 160 pounds, 5’9” athletically fit with a 6 pack from doing sports (X-country & Swimming) his whole life. He was one of those somewhat popular kids that has a lot of friends but not to the extent where he is fake. His best friends name is Max he is about 5’7” 140 pounds and has a 4 pack from all his time swimming off his boat that he takes and sails for the whole summer and only comes back every now and then.


Chapter 1

Justin heads to swim practice on this warm Saturday morning at 8 am and meets up with his friend Max about a block away from the school. They both walk to practice since they are dead tired and are listening to music. As they enter they wave to a couple of hot girls walking down to volleyball practice named Megan and Sam. Justin and Max head into the locker room where the rest of the team is and begin to change into their jammers (the knee length ones). Justin sais to Max “hey what do you think practice will be like today since we should be starting our taper soon. You know with sectionals coming up next week.” “I heard it’s our typical meet warm up then a easy IM set then a 400m cooldown” Max replies. They both walk into practice and max was right so they start there practice and it ends about 2 hours later.
“well that was fun. Oh and by the way would you like to come over later?” Justin ask Max “Yea sure is like 7 okay I have a ton of homework to do since its almost the end of the 3rd quarter” he replies. “yea that sounds fine and bring stuff so you can sleep over and we can just walk to practice tomorrow from my house” Justin sais as he walks towards the door and heads home. As he walks home he turns on his ipod and starts listening to some more music and thinks about all he fun they can have tonight…

(Ps this is my first ever story so all feedback is welcomed and if anybody wants to help me proof read and come up with ideas pm me)

[daremaster 1]

I didn't even go to read your story because you can't spell the dang title right. "See"

[Demonking]

Originally Posted by daremaster 1

I didn't even go to read your story because you can't spell the dang title right. "See"

Well if you know of a way to fix please enlighten me seeing as "to err is human" and I'm more focused on the content of my story then the title of it. And before your so quick to judge maybe it has something to do with an important event later in the story.

[daremaster 1]

Originally Posted by Demonking

Well if you know of a way to fix please enlighten me seeing as "to err is human" and I'm more focused on the content of my story then the title of it. And before your so quick to judge maybe it has something to do with an important event later in the story.

First of all I did read your story, I was just trying to make a point. Titles can really be a major turn off to the reader if they have grammer issues. Sorry about being rude at first. You have to go to the bottom right corner of the first post I thank and there something that lets you fix it afyer you click edit. I don't know much about it so you may want to ask a mod. Sorry agian for comming across rude.

[Demonking]

Originally Posted by daremaster 1

First of all I did read your story, I was just trying to make a point. Titles can really be a major turn off to the reader if they have grammer issues. Sorry about being rude at first. You have to go to the bottom right corner of the first post I thank and there something that lets you fix it afyer you click edit. I don't know much about it so you may want to ask a mod. Sorry agian for comming across rude.

It's okay and thanks for the help i think ifixed it and hopefull i can get next chater up soon and ill try and make it longer

[Demonking]

Chapter 2

So as 7 o’clock approached Justin cleaned his room finished his homework and waited for his buddy Max to come over and he couldn’t stop thinking of the endless possibilities that could happen tonight. So at about 7:15 he hears the doorbell and sprints from his room down to the door and finds his best friend with his clothes to stay the night and a couple of video games that he hoped to be able to play.

“So what are we going to do first?” ask Max while rubbing his stomach. “Well are you hungry?” Justin replies thinking about how he hasn’t eaten since breakfast. “Yea can we order some pizza or Chinese?” Max replies thinking about that sesame chicken from the local Chinese place at the plaza. “Yea but if we order anything we will have to walk to get.” He replies wishing he had his own car to drive, also that his parents were not into so much health food that they didn’t have anything remotely normal in the house. They both discussed for a minute and decide that sesame chicken with white rice was good and they called it and have to pick it up at 8.

“Well want to play COD” Max inquires.

“Sure! Nazi zombies right” he replies.

“Well duh of course would we do anything else” Max replies sarcastically.

Well they start and Justin is doing way worse than Max so he decides to spice things up. “Hey Justin… want to make things interesting?” he asks quietly. “Well what do you mean by that?” Justin replies “Well seeing as we have to leave soon let’s say loser of this next game has to wear only one layer of clothing to the Chinese place.” He replies with more enthusiasm then before. “Sure…. But you’re going to lose!” Justin replies wary at first then gains more passion.

The game ends and Max is sad that his score wasn’t as good as before but not as mad as Justin is as he walks out of his bedroom with only a pair of jeans and a hoodie on seeing as his score was the lowest since Max plays COD 24/7/365.

“Let’s get this over with” Justin said with remorse.

“Well I’ve been waiting for you” Max retorts snappishly letting hunger get the better of him.

On the way to the restaurant they take the shortcut and head through the park. As they walk past the basketball court they run into Megan and Sam who were chilling. “Hey Megan is that Max and Justin” Sam whispers. “Yea I think that is, look how goofy they are. We should go over and scare them.” She replies in a maniacal tone.


Ps Cmon if anybody likes this and thinks i should continue let me know otherwise i might just stop. reply and let me know how Im doing

[daredevil2]

i like the start please keep going.

[HiI'mPaul]

Yes, I have to agree with DareMaster_1. I came into this story thinking it was going to be a mess of spelling and grammar. When you purposely misuse a word do this, "3 Months at See(sic)." For people experienced in the English language it will tell them that the mistake was done on purpose.

Another mistake is the "3." it really should be three, any number under 100 should be written out in letters.

Otherwise good story.

[Demonking]

Okay if you click the thing in bottom left I can report it but would they fix it or just kill the story?




Edit: I pmed a staff member hopefully they can fix the title seeing as I am at a loss.

[tarheel boy]

Originally Posted by HiI'mPaul

Another mistake is the "3." it really should be three, any number under 100 should be written out in letters.

I have to disagree with you there, I've always been taught 0-10.

[Aliciai<3u]

Originally Posted by tarheel boy

I have to disagree with you there, I've always been taught 0-10.

Agree with you that's the same with me

[dirtylittleboy]

calm yourselves. the numbers don't matter and the spelling was either a minor error or on purpose so stop making a big deal of it and give him props for actually writing a story that is good so far

[Demonking]

Chapter 3

So Megan and Sam circle around to go and jump out and scare the boys as they walk unaware to everything happening around them. “So what do you do you want to do when we get back?” asks Justin while checking his phone for any notifications. “Well we could… just go back to what we were doing before…” Max replies with an uncertain tone.

“BOOOOO!!!!!” the girls say in a freighting tone.

“AHHHHH!!!!!” the boys scream as they were deeply scared.

“W- W-What are you doing here?” Max stammers out.

“Well we were he playing basketball when we saw you to goofballs walking and well we decided to scare you.” Sam said with a bit of arrogance in her tone. Meanwhile Justin can’t stop thinking about how drop dead gorgeous Megan is with her curvy body that’s about 5’2”, her sparkling golden hair fluttering in the wind, with blue eyes as deep as the sea and as cold as her intentions. “Justin what are you thinking about you just zoned out man” Max said a bit uneasy. “Well I was just thinking are Chinese is probally getting a bit cold and that we should go.” He replies with haste. Megan and Sam in unison “Well we want to go with you Now!” as they all start walking “So what did you order?” they both say again in a freaky unison only they can do. They walk there, pay and pick it up then head home.

*Burp!!* “Excuse me” Justin said while blushing

“Ew Gross” said Sam a little obnoxiously

Meanwhile Max can’t stop thinking about how smoking hot Sam is with her hair that luscious brown that glitters in the light, her decent size breast and that killer body that just turns heads when she walks by. “Earth to Max!!! What are you drooling about?” Megan yells so loud the dog next door starts barking. “Um… nothing” he replies sluggishly “Why do you ask?” he ask in a snappish tone. “Well you were zoned out for 5 minutes” she said like a matter of fact. “So what do you guys want to do?” Justin asks in a shy tone not knowing where this might end up. “Well we over heard you guys before talking about what you were doing earlier.” Sam responds realized after the fact how much of a stalker she sounded like in front of her biggest crush since middle school.

“What were you guys doing earlier?” ask Megan letting curiosity get the better of her.

“Well were just playing COD…” Max replied making it sound like there was more to it which there was.

“C’mon what else did you guys do?” Megan responds not being able to contain her curiosity yet again.

“Well we did add a twist to the game…” Justin said in a barely audible tone.

“What kind of twist?” Megan responds regaining her courage from earlier.

“Well we were making bets and that’s all were telling you!” max said with so much authority that the girls gave up all hopes of finding out what happened. “Well let’s play a game then how about UNO.” Megan states more then she asks. “Sure I think I have that” Justin said just finding an excuse to go upstairs and change into normal clothes with multiple levels.


(Meanwhile Upstairs)

*Cough Cough*


“I can explain” Max said as the feminine figure enters the room while he pulls up his underwear. Not wasting anytime she closes her phone hoping he wouldn’t notice that she had actually had enough time to snag a quick picture of the naked teen standing in front of her.

[daredevil2]

Damn i like this story so far please keep writing

[daremaster 1]

This story is pretty good. I thank we have been trying to pick out the negatives so much that we never paid attention to the positives in the story. It is really good if you read it.