[Fiction] Friends Come Together

[dirtylittleboy]

it would be funny if greg and andrew became slaves to their 'dream' boys.
make sure to add details of underwear. please.
a shower scene could be interesting.

[ArtAndMusic]

I dare you to kiss so and so
I dare you to kiss his ass
I dare you to lick his asshole
I dare you to french kiss his asshole
I dare you to touch his dick
I dare you to lick his balls
I dare you to lick his dick
I dare you to suck his dick
I dare you to swallow his cum
If they aren't having sex by this time then they are some strange boys

[Srijc]

Is this story flowing? Because im barely paying attention to what im writing, because im writing it at 2 and 1 in the morn. And not proof reading. So, if this sucks, you can go suck urself. (if ur that flexable)

Oh, and next part, coming next weekend.

[Srijc]

Originally Posted by Komodo Jones

You said to be evil and you need criticism. I'm not evil but I do offer criticisim and critiques on many sotries. You've entered into an English major's world now. Well I haven't majored yet but that's what I'm studying in college right now...but I digress. However, having said that there are not too many things I can comment on. For the most part, this is well written. I did notice two sentence fragments. One was "The guy." and the other was "Like she controls him." which is near the end of the first chapter.
This is a very minor flaw which isn't really all that important but in general most positive numbers below the number ten need to be spelled out. There are many variations to this numeral vs. word rule, but that's the one I generally adhere to.
This is the biggest flaw I have seen in this story and this is one of my buttons. The story was very difficult to read because of the quotations. Whenever a new person speaks, it always starts a new paragraph. In the first few sentences it should be...
"What time is it?" I asked groggily.
“9:30am, its time to go” my friend Greg said, in an equally groggy voice.
Then when you speak again or whoever speaks again, if it's not Greg, it has to be a new paragraph. If you put quotations of different people in the same paragraph it's very difficult to read as it's kind of hard to follow that someone new is speaking.
There ar a few other mechanical errors here and there but nothing too big to take away from the story itself. I didn't notice any spelling errors either. The only other thing I can suggest is adding a little more detail to the story. For example, what was the name of the book you were reading? Just don't be afraid to add some details that appeal to the senses.
I can't really say anything about the content at this point as the story has just begun and I can't sense a plot yet. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I'm just saying I can't comment on it.

I just realized, I only did half ur advice. Oh well. It was good advice, but im lazy.

And im sry im such a dick

[Demon Thief]

Originally Posted by Srijc

Is this story flowing? Because im barely paying attention to what im writing, because im writing it at 2 and 1 in the morn. And not proof reading. So, if this sucks, you can go suck urself. (if ur that flexable)

Oh, and next part, coming next weekend.

That's alright. I'm usually writing my stories that late at night because it helps me get to sleep and it's the only time I actually have any privacy.

Great story by the way, hoping to read more.

-Demon Thief.

[Srijc]

Ok, I wrote a chapter. I hated it. I need to write when im turned on a bit. I wrote it while watching Bill Maher. So, it turned out bad. Andrew comes out a bit stupid. and mean. And i barely finished. So. Next week. Or if I get to it faster. Idk. But, ya. Ill be finished by weekend.

Byeeee

[Srijc]

Chapter 5

"Fine, I'll go" Greg said. "Truth"

"Why are you hard? It looks like your about to break your underwear!" I said.
It was a shock, his dick was fucking massive. It was just bursting out of Greg's speedo. I thought it was large when it was flaccid, but it was so big when it was hard. I didn't know Aidan was packing so much heat!

"Oh, well. It's very tight, and this speedo is rubbing me just right. Nothing big." Aidan said, very nervously.

"Well, it is something big, something very big" Greg said.

"Hey, fuck you. Whos next?" I said.

"You, Truth or dare Greg?" Alex said.

"Umm, dare." I said, I didn't want to be a wimp.

"Ummm, well." Alex said, "I can't think of one."

"Ya, guys," Aidan said "Lets do something different."

"How about we play basketball?" Alex said.

"Ya, ok, I'll show you where it is." Greg said.

"Hey, lets go back to the room and get clothes." Alex said

"Ya, I dont wanna go around, naked, with my cock flopping around, we need to get the clothes." Aidan said

"Fine," Greg said.

We all went to Greg's room, and we all changed into normal clothes. Then we walked to Greg's basketball court.

[Srijc]

Ima just write this when ever I feel like it

Ima just taking this story, and having them run through all my weirdness.

K, well.

Chapter 6

We walked over to the basketball court, on the other side of Greg's house.
"ok, what sort of game should we play?" Aidan asked
"Umm, if I can think of another dare or truth, can we continue the came" I asked
"Sure, I guess. Whats the dare?" Alex said
"Its a group dare," I said, "we play STRIP"
"Whats that?" Aidan asked, not looking happy about the idea
"Its a game where we all go one on one with each other, one at a time, and then who ever cant keep the other from scoring, loses a letter." I said
"Ya, ok. Lets do that, I've played that, we called it HORSE-" Greg said
"Ahh, but this is different, its called STRIP because for every letter you lose, you must take off a piece of clothing, and you must only have 5 pieces of clothing on." I said
"Oh ok, well, lets do that." Greg said.
"Ya, ok" said Alex and Aidan in an uneasy agreement
We were all wearing a t-shirt, underwear, and under shirt, and shorts or pants. No shoes, or socks, so we had our five pieces of clothing...


......

Ill finish this later. Im sleepy. Enjoy it, im only gonna post small bursts, occasionally

[Srijc]

I hate what I just wrote, so ignore it. I cant write about a basket ball game. i know this is terrible, but it isnt like im getting payed for this. So,


Chapter 6

On the way to the basketball court.

"I don't wanna do this any more." Aidan said, stopping abruptly, and turning towards us.
"Ya, this is a bit boring" I said. I wanted to push this as far back as possible, I'm not good at basketball. "Lets go back to the main house"

"I agree Andrew, lets go" said Greg, winking at me. He knows what we want to do.

So we walk back to the big main house.

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Ya. im sleepy. this is the rewrite