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Old 09-02-2011, 06:22 PM   #1
darebunny22
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Smile Secret Love

Right whoever reads this it's my first story so here goes give me feedback please
Chapter 1
I bounded up to Snowy's stable, pulled open the door and saw the young mare lay gracefully on the hay. I ran over and stroked her pure white head; she flickered one brown eye lazily. "Come on Snowy, let's go for a ride" I whispered soothingly in her white ear. I bustled round getting the pink diamond tack (saddle reins etc), my mind bursting with what had just happened. My heart fluttered and my deep blue eyes saw the events playing over again and again.

As we cantered through the forest I inhaled the beautiful smells, delicate bluebells, fragrant oak. I patted Snowy's soft chocolate mane... I was distracted usually I paid as much attention to riding as I could but today I wanted to finish as quick as possible!

What had happened before?
Why did she want riding to stop?
Can we find out more about this person?

Find out in the next installment of Secret Love
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:23 PM   #2
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Default Secret Love

Chapter 2
"Nathalie...Nathalie!" "Yes Mum" I mumbled wearily the door opened and bright light was shining into the room as my Mum bustled in with piles of clothes. "Get up! You'll be late for collage." I squinted through the light to see my Mum, her shoulder legnth mousy hair was tied in a neat ponytail and she was wearing an immaculate white dressing gown. I mumbled angrily as she pulled back the warm sheets. Rolling out of bed I saw the alarm, " Oh F@&#" I exclaimed, I had only fifteen minutes to get to collage. I pulled on a white tank-top with a grey waistcoat, I fastened it nimbly over my C cups, and pulled on a smart black pencil skirt and ran down stairs to get to collage.

I tugged a comb through my blonde and caramel streaked hair. I popped into the corner shop to buy an apple and a cereal bar. I was on my late routine but I'd done it enough times that I knew EXACTLY what to do! On the way past the toilets I went to the vending machine and brought a chewable toothbrush and some gum. After eating hurridly I sprinted round the last few corners, I skidded infront of the large white collage 'Lightsbury Collage' was imprinted in deep blood red letters. I stopped for breath then hurried to my English class.

"Sorry Miss" I mumbled, I pulled the chair back and flopped at the desk; fumbling in my bag for my books and timetable. And then my attention turned to the front of the class and my eyes widened as I saw...

Why was she late?
What did she see?

Find out in the next installment of Secret Love
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Old 09-04-2011, 09:18 AM   #3
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Your a great writer, sure hope you get published one day.
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Old 09-04-2011, 09:59 AM   #4
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finally someones replied to my story maybe i should carry it on after my next one and thankyou a lot your comments are really friendly and kind
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:03 AM   #5
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No problem, it's all the honest truth, your the best writer on here. I feel like I'm actually reading a book when I read your stories, hope you do become published and wish you the best of luck
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:14 AM   #6
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this.is.awesome.please.continue
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Justin Bieber's voice -> my ears get raped


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me: "make it stop, make it stop, please make it stop"
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:24 AM   #7
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I love the story telling style you're using :-)
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Old 09-04-2011, 11:09 AM   #8
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Default Chapter 3

Thabkyou for those of you who have liked my stories so far so here's chapter 3
I saw a boy about the same age as me casually slouched on a chair. Dirty blonde hair lay over his eyes, shocking green eyes. Intrigued, his eyes continues hypnotising me until Mrs. Barnsley said, "Nathalie are you stuck on your essay? Come here!" I got to my feet and picked up my 2 page essay and stumbled down to the desk meanwhile bumping into someone's table on the way, the new boy chuckled and when I saw he was looking at me I gasped in surprise. "Come on Nathalie, get a move on" I continued to my teacher. "Nathalie, what's up with you today, you seem so..." "Distracted" said a sift husky voice from the corner; "Yes thank you Alex, Distracted" I stared at him with my mouth slightly open. Mrs Barnsley clapped her hands "Nathalie!" she exclaimed. "Umm sorry Miss... The essay?" "Ah yes, since you have clearly taken so much notice of him, I want you to help explain the essay to Alex!" I blushed and he laughed the sound running down me like honey.

Taking the essay I mumbled a few words to the teacher and walked to Alex's desk. "Hi" I said pulling a chair over "I'm ..." "Nathalie, Yes I heard" he said in that sugar filled voice, "Mmhmm" I said trying to sound disapproving but my heart was fluttering and I couldn't help but smile...
To be continued

What will happen next?
Will Nathalie find out more about Alex?


Find out in the Next installment Of Lucky Horshoe Love

P.S Thanks for all the feedback up till now even if you read it and dont like this please comment and tell me why
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Old 09-04-2011, 11:18 AM   #9
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You need to keep writing this <3 it's fantastic.
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Old 09-04-2011, 11:22 AM   #10
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Back good old highschool memories, not surprised in this segment on how you can make the reader feel like they are one of the characters. Spectacular,
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Old 09-04-2011, 11:27 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anonimousbob View Post
I love the story telling style you're using :-)
Im glad you like it
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Old 09-04-2011, 11:30 AM   #12
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Im glad everyone likes it i thought it was gonna be a bit of a flop when i first started
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Old 09-04-2011, 01:43 PM   #13
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Default Chapter 4

Wow i am flattered by how many comments it has already thankyou guys xxxx
We trotted through the woods, Snowy and I, we liked taking in all the nature and having tea with Annabel; the 75 year old resident of a beauriful little cottage named 'Bluebell House'. I tied Snowy up to her usual tree and knocked on the little wooden door. Annabels friendly lined face transformed into a smile that made her look many years younger, her light blue eyes twinkled again, seeing her eyes twinkle meant i knew when she was happy and when she was sad. "Hello Nathalie would you care for some tea with me and my nephew?" She asked kindly "Oohh yes please" I said excitedly, teas with Annabel were just about the sweetest thing ever, she layed biscuits and sandwiches on her little oak table and she said the funniest things! "Ok" she giggled "I'll introduce you to my nephew. I walked into the lilac room and saw none other than
To be continued!
Who did she see?
What did she do after?
Find out in the next installment of Lucky Horseshoe Love
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Old 09-04-2011, 01:49 PM   #14
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The detailing puts in a perfect pace in your story. I know I said this likee 6 times today, but you are a great writer keep it up!
Can't wait for the next installment I know it's gonna Be the best yet.
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Old 09-04-2011, 02:22 PM   #15
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Default Chapter 5

I love everyone who likes my story thank you everyone <3

saw none other than. Alex! He was sat at the table looking at me. "Hi Nathalie" he said "Thanks for helping me with my essay earlier". I blushed, he chuckled again "You should keep your face like that it matches your tank-top!" I looked down and blushed even more. "Alex don't embarrass Nathalie, you meanie" Annabel joked. "Annabel it was nice to see you but I'm afraid I have to.. My err Mum wants me back for tea, Sorry" "Oh OK then" Annabel said quietly "Goodbye see you soon". "Au revoir Nathalie, it was nice to see you again" Alex said holding out his hand, when I took it a jolt of electricity ran up my arm. I smiled at him and hurried outside. I ran to Snowy and grinned, laughing I got onto my little horse and leapt away!
To be continued
When will she see Alex again?
Did Alex feel the electricity too?
Find out in the next instalment of Lucky Horseshoe Love xxx
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