[Fiction] The Co-Ed Experiment

[ASlaveKindaGuy]

This is my first story, hope you enjoy!!

*****

Max was really nervous about going to camp. This wasnt any ordinary sleepaway camp. This camp was an experiment on how males and females (aged 16) got along in co-ed conditions. Max walked down the stairs and off the bus. He was already sweating, but he knew others would be even more scared, so he wasnt going to show his fear. Max and all the other campers were virgins, and paid $500 to be at this camp for a week. Max saw many campers talking to new or old friends, happy to be with somebody they know. Max was alone, as most of his friends were not virgins. Max followed the signs pointing to a large brick building that was called the check-up house. Max walked inside and wrote his name on a list. He nervously pulled out his book, hoping to relax. "Stop shaking!" He told himself," do you WANT to be called a wimp?" As he started calming down, a blonde boy about the same size as max sat down next to him. "Hey, i'm Devin. I dont know anybody here, do you?" Max shook hands and answered "Max. and i'm alone." Cool nice to meet you" replied Devin. He then started listening to music, obviously nervous. "Max Olding!" Yelled a woman dressed in the councilor uniform. Max rose, nodded to Devin, then started his walk down the cooridor, following the woman.

Max entered a room, and sat down on a red leather chair. "Hello Max" smiled a woman sitting across from him. The room looked like a room you get your check-up in. A few chairs, a raised table to lie down on, and a sink with a few cupboards. "Hello" he replied.
"Now, we need to make sure you are a virgin and that you are healthy. Please lay down on your back." She said gesturing towards the table. Max rose and shakily walked towards the table. He laid down, getting comfortable and nodded towards the woman. As the woman started checking his eyes, ears, and nose, she said, "I am Doctor Megan Blooring, but you can call me Meg. No need to be formal" she said smiling. "Ok Max, now this might be kind of weird, but you should get used to it. Please remove all your clothes.
Max gasped, but did as she said, knowing this would happen a lot in the next week. He laid down on his back, and looked at the Doctor. She said,"I need to take your temperature and this is the best way. If you dont mind, could you spread open your cheeks?" Max, very nervous, took his hands to his butt and pulled apart the two cheeks. She inserted a a white rod into his hole, and he let loose a small gasp. The doctor giggled, and said "Never had anything there before, have you?" After two minutes of pleasure, she pulled it out, earning another gasp from Max. "Now we need to see your penis, so please turn around. Max turned around, feeling humiliated but strangely aroused. Megan put both hands on his balls, while Max uttered a small moan. She giggled again, putting her hands on the tip of his dick, and after rubbing around, she said "this is to make sure it it still a virgin." After 5 short minutes of pleasure, she said, "Now, we need your cum samples. Have you ever had a handjob?" She inquired
"No ma'am. Just my own." He sheepishly added. "Well get ready for an amazing experience." Right after she said that she started pumping at his already erect penis, making multiple moans and groans escape from him. Since he was already sexually excited, it only took him a minute to arch his back and let loose a loud long groan. A thick white cream escaped his dick and went flying into a tube held in front. After rubbing her hands a few more times to make sure he was empty, she walked over to the cupboard. She wrote his name on it and locked it inside. "Congratulations" she said. "You passed."

[Officelover]

Hmm. It's pretty good so far. I wonder what you're going to do to poor Max, I can tell he has no idea what he's getting into

Some tips: I would definitely run this through Microsoft Word before posting. A couple spelling/grammar errors, but nothing too glaring. Make your paragraphs shorter--it's easier on the eyes, and each line of dialogue should be in its own paragraph.

Other than that, it's pretty good. I'd be interested to see where you take it. A word to the wise: your readers will appreciate it more if you show, rather than tell. Instead of saying something like "Max was really nervous about going to camp," your reader would understand just as well if you described how Max was nervous--was he jittery with a cup of tea, was he biting his fingernails? Etc.

Keep up the good work!

[Ethan2cu]

love the start of this. can't wait for the next part...

[ASlaveKindaGuy]

Thanks for the advice! I will use it when i write the next part!

[ASlaveKindaGuy]

Originally Posted by ASlaveKindaGuy

Thanks for the advice! I will use it when i write the next part!

Oh god damn. I wrote a really long chapter but my wifi died and it got deleted! Sorry for the wait, but i cant write anymore today

[emmah100]

More Please. (; I am really enjoying this. Cant wait for the next installment.

[ASlaveKindaGuy]

Should I continue this story?

[uzaho]

Originally Posted by ASlaveKindaGuy

Should I continue this story?

Do you want to? Then do it. Flex your creative muscles. Write long and write well. Seeking validation and affirmation of your future efforts isn't necessary. Either people will enjoy what you've written and respond in kind or they won't.

I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm just saying you should write because you desire to do so.

I'll offer some advice though: Don't skimp on proper formatting and punctuation. Poorly structured paragraphs (and a lack of them) is distracting and detracts from what you've written by making it more difficult to read.

[molten man]

Great interesting start.. Please do continue..

[dickface]

hell yes you should continue it sounds great!