Fiction: Me and my buds summer trip

Caliboy · 09-21-2009, 03:18 PM

Before i write ill talk about a few things here. This is my first attempt at a story, so it may not be the best story ever written. Also, as the title says its fiction, however i will write in first person. Its just because I write better in first person, but the person who assums "I" in this story isnt me. Also this is sorta based off of some of my friends, but not totally. Here is an introduction to the characters in the story.

Cody (main character)
17, average height, blond hair, pretty skinny, kinda built

Carlos
17, average height, black hair, very skinny, not very built

Brad
17, tall, built, QB of the varsity football team

Melisa
16, average height for a girl, blonde, has the hottest ass you will ever see, awesome boobs too

Jessica
17, average height, brunette, prolly the hottest girl in school
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Ch-1

My name is Cody. I am about 5'11" and I weigh around 175 pounds. I'm pretty slim, I have slightly dirty blonde hair, and I have been working out lately to improve my appearance, so I have some pretty good muscles. It is the last day of my Junior year in high school. I'm always glad for school to be over, however that also means I won't get to see my friends every day. I was talking about this with my best friend, Carlos, yesterday, when he came up with an amazing idea.

"How about we have a weekend trip," he said to me while we were supposed to be quiet while the rest of the class finished their final exams. Carlos is slightly shorter than me, very skinny, and from a guys point of view, he was pretty attractive with his black hair and brown eyes. The idea was like a flurry of excitement going through my body. Carlos and I had saved up a lot of money from our jobs. We both worked at the same McDonalds, which is where we started our friendship.

"I think that's a great idea," I exclaimed. "Silence or you will receive a 0 on your exam," screamed Mr. Leadbetter, easily my least favorite teacher. "Yes Mr. Bedwetter," i replied. "What was that!?", he inquired. "I said yes Mr. Leadbetter, maybe you should use one of those q-tips on your desk," I said. Mr. Leadbetter let out a grunt and returned to grading our exams.

I continued my conversation with Carlos. "I'm all for the trip, but who are we going to bring?" As soon as I said it I knew two of the people he was going to say.

"How about Brad and Jessica," he inquired. Carlos had always seemed to possibly be bi-sexual, although I didn't really care. I had had my certain fantasies as well. Anyways, Carlos always seemed to be staring at Brad. Brad is the starting QB of the football team. He has a 6-pack, has light blonde hair, and all the girls in school are attracted to him.

I know for a fact that Carlos has been trying to hook up with Jessica. Jessica is a hot, hot, hot piece of ass. She is skinny, but still has some meat on the bones. And her boobs are like a great TV show. You just can't stop watching them.

It was a great idea. Since I started hanging out with Carlos the 4 of us have been really good friends. "Yea we have them both next period, lets ask them if they are down," I replied.

After the agreement we were silent for a few minutes as Mr. Leadbetter had been staring at us. During the silence I thought of a great idea. "Let's ask Melisa as well," I told Carlos. Melisa and I had always been good friends, and I have always had a really big crush on her. "Yea she's hot," Carlos replied.

Well, it was settled. We asked Brad and Jessica during our next period and they thought it would be an awesome idea. I ride the bus home with Melisa every day so I figured I would ask her then. Melisa's boobs aren't as mesmerizing as Jessica's, but they certainly don't make your eyes move away either. And from staring enough, I am convinced that she has the best ass in the world.

I was excited so i boarded the bus early. Melisa didn't get on until bus was about to leave. But as soon as she got on i asked. "Hey, Carlos, Brad, Jessica, and I are planning a weekend trip the first weekend of the summer. We were wondering if you wanted to come with us."

Melisa took a second to take in what I had just said. I kinda surprised her with the question, she hadn't even had time to sit down. "Yea, I guess that sounds cool," she replied.

My heart jumped when she said yes. "Awesome, I'll call you tomorrow to let you know the details." When I got off the bus I texted Carlos to let him know the good news. This was gonna be a great trip.
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More to come, hopefully tomorrow. Anyone who has a comment or anything, please let me know. Don't be afraid to critique my work.

Caliboy · 09-21-2009, 05:53 PM

Guys, please critique my work. I wanna know how it compares to the usual works on here.

lokelake · 09-21-2009, 06:38 PM

Great start so far. I know very little of grammar so i wouldn't be able to critique much. So to me, it looks fine, (from a grammar point of view), but I wouldn't trust me on that, lol.

Caliboy · 09-21-2009, 06:38 PM

Thanks for commenting.

09-21-2009, 03:18 PM	#1
Caliboy Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Posts: 45	Me and my buds summer trip Before i write ill talk about a few things here. This is my first attempt at a story, so it may not be the best story ever written. Also, as the title says its fiction, however i will write in first person. Its just because I write better in first person, but the person who assums "I" in this story isnt me. Also this is sorta based off of some of my friends, but not totally. Here is an introduction to the characters in the story. Cody (main character) 17, average height, blond hair, pretty skinny, kinda built Carlos 17, average height, black hair, very skinny, not very built Brad 17, tall, built, QB of the varsity football team Melisa 16, average height for a girl, blonde, has the hottest ass you will ever see, awesome boobs too Jessica 17, average height, brunette, prolly the hottest girl in school ----------------------------------------------------------------- Ch-1 My name is Cody. I am about 5'11" and I weigh around 175 pounds. I'm pretty slim, I have slightly dirty blonde hair, and I have been working out lately to improve my appearance, so I have some pretty good muscles. It is the last day of my Junior year in high school. I'm always glad for school to be over, however that also means I won't get to see my friends every day. I was talking about this with my best friend, Carlos, yesterday, when he came up with an amazing idea. "How about we have a weekend trip," he said to me while we were supposed to be quiet while the rest of the class finished their final exams. Carlos is slightly shorter than me, very skinny, and from a guys point of view, he was pretty attractive with his black hair and brown eyes. The idea was like a flurry of excitement going through my body. Carlos and I had saved up a lot of money from our jobs. We both worked at the same McDonalds, which is where we started our friendship. "I think that's a great idea," I exclaimed. "Silence or you will receive a 0 on your exam," screamed Mr. Leadbetter, easily my least favorite teacher. "Yes Mr. Bedwetter," i replied. "What was that!?", he inquired. "I said yes Mr. Leadbetter, maybe you should use one of those q-tips on your desk," I said. Mr. Leadbetter let out a grunt and returned to grading our exams. I continued my conversation with Carlos. "I'm all for the trip, but who are we going to bring?" As soon as I said it I knew two of the people he was going to say. "How about Brad and Jessica," he inquired. Carlos had always seemed to possibly be bi-sexual, although I didn't really care. I had had my certain fantasies as well. Anyways, Carlos always seemed to be staring at Brad. Brad is the starting QB of the football team. He has a 6-pack, has light blonde hair, and all the girls in school are attracted to him. I know for a fact that Carlos has been trying to hook up with Jessica. Jessica is a hot, hot, hot piece of ass. She is skinny, but still has some meat on the bones. And her boobs are like a great TV show. You just can't stop watching them. It was a great idea. Since I started hanging out with Carlos the 4 of us have been really good friends. "Yea we have them both next period, lets ask them if they are down," I replied. After the agreement we were silent for a few minutes as Mr. Leadbetter had been staring at us. During the silence I thought of a great idea. "Let's ask Melisa as well," I told Carlos. Melisa and I had always been good friends, and I have always had a really big crush on her. "Yea she's hot," Carlos replied. Well, it was settled. We asked Brad and Jessica during our next period and they thought it would be an awesome idea. I ride the bus home with Melisa every day so I figured I would ask her then. Melisa's boobs aren't as mesmerizing as Jessica's, but they certainly don't make your eyes move away either. And from staring enough, I am convinced that she has the best ass in the world. I was excited so i boarded the bus early. Melisa didn't get on until bus was about to leave. But as soon as she got on i asked. "Hey, Carlos, Brad, Jessica, and I are planning a weekend trip the first weekend of the summer. We were wondering if you wanted to come with us." Melisa took a second to take in what I had just said. I kinda surprised her with the question, she hadn't even had time to sit down. "Yea, I guess that sounds cool," she replied. My heart jumped when she said yes. "Awesome, I'll call you tomorrow to let you know the details." When I got off the bus I texted Carlos to let him know the good news. This was gonna be a great trip. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- More to come, hopefully tomorrow. Anyone who has a comment or anything, please let me know. Don't be afraid to critique my work. __________________ Im actually not from California, but from Florida. But my nickname is Cali cuz of my last name. I was on a baseball team and there were two people with the same name, myself and another person. So people started calling me by my last name, and eventually it became Cali. Just explaining the username.

09-21-2009, 05:53 PM	#2
Caliboy Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Posts: 45	Guys, please critique my work. I wanna know how it compares to the usual works on here. __________________ Im actually not from California, but from Florida. But my nickname is Cali cuz of my last name. I was on a baseball team and there were two people with the same name, myself and another person. So people started calling me by my last name, and eventually it became Cali. Just explaining the username.

09-21-2009, 06:38 PM	#4
Caliboy Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Posts: 45	Thanks for commenting. __________________ Im actually not from California, but from Florida. But my nickname is Cali cuz of my last name. I was on a baseball team and there were two people with the same name, myself and another person. So people started calling me by my last name, and eventually it became Cali. Just explaining the username.

09-21-2009, 06:38 PM	#3
lokelake getDare Succubus Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: The United States Posts: 1,673 Blog Entries: 288	Great start so far. I know very little of grammar so i wouldn't be able to critique much. So to me, it looks fine, (from a grammar point of view), but I wouldn't trust me on that, lol.