Why S/M is NOT for underage?

[Aivey]

I think the OP makes a valid point of telling us that kids shouldn't have sex. In this regards, I really hope that by referring to "kids", the OP is referring to kids in the teenager range, and not kids in the children age (assumingly prepubescent). There should be no reason why anyone would think that it's okay for prepubescent kids to have sex, it doesn't even need mentioning. I think that the blurry line resides in the teenager group, as it's a commonly debated issue. Apart from how the OP states that kids shouldn't have sex, there is no specific reason why kids engaging in s/m is worse than kids engaging in vanilla relationships, whether sexual or not.

An s/m relationship consists of pretty much two main parts, a physical, possibly sexual side, and a mental psychological side. Both sides of these are just as taxing as a so-called "normal" relationship, and yet I feel as if most people feel as if s/m relationships are worse. This is not true.

The physical aspect of bdsm can be pretty much classified as "kinky sex". If a person were to be physically able to have sex, there would be no reasons why having "kinky sex" would be not okay, physically speaking. I think if we were given a list of all s/m related activities, we can pretty much agree that they aren't physically as harmful than mentally taxing. Being tied up, given spankings, shocked, caned, whipped, etc. all won't be any "less harmful" in a body of an adolescent than of an "overaged" person, as the degrees of human development in later teen years aren't as drastic as, let's say, an eleven year old's body compared to a sixteen year old's. Many times, there are no physical differences between a person who is 16 (which is a tolerated age of consent in many states in the US, though still coined as underage, in which they aren't capable of being fully held under legal liabilities) and a person who is 19. Another thing to consider is that each person develops differently. The number of years we've been on earth cannot give us a solid idea of where a person is at in terms of physical development.

As discussed earlier, the mental aspect of bdsm is much more "dangerous" and "risky" for a person who is supposedly underaged. This is true, whilst teenagers are going through their emotional develpment, which happens at the ages of 14-17, there are many logical judgemental lapses that occur, and this can be dangerous when it comes to an abusive s/m relationship in which someone is being used. However, I think that an s/m relationship done correctly (one that is healthy and non-abusive) can certainly be beneficial. I met my current Dom when I was 16, and I can safely say that I wouldn't be the person I am today if I haven't gotten to know him. He's my best friend, mentor and confidant. He's given me so much advice and taught me so many life lessons and has saved me from so much mistakes, that I can't imagine how others cope without having a person who's more experienced in life "guide" them through it. The point I'm trying to make here is that most people only rope bdsm into a "dangerous" category because of their bad experiences with it. I just want to make clear to everyone that just because your first bdsm relationship didn't go well, doesn't mean that you should force others to do what you wish you had done. It's like parent's forcing their children to learn the piano, or parents punishing their children for not being a straight-A student. I guess the same goes with religion. Forcing people to think what you believe is not okay. Nor is it your job to be enforcing what other people are or are not doing. People make mistakes, that's how we learn. I've had not-so-great doms before too, and though it hurt at the time, I've come out of them feeling like a stronger person, it has not harmed me in any way in the long-run. I guess the this post started out with good intentions of keeping people safe, but it often comes off as rude when it ends up preaching to other's what they should or should not do.

And finally, I just want to point out that everyone matures at different paces. We all know that on the day we turn 18, we don't feel any different either physically or mentally, and thus, there is no proper justification in which age is "okay" to engage in s/m.

[Dark_Delight]

Originally Posted by Invisible

Oh I'm sorry I thought when you accused me of talking out of my ass (sic) that you actually new shit from clay.

For the intelligent readers on GD if you want to know more about "teenage brain development" try googling and you will find a plethora of reliable articles. It is actually quite an interesting subject and I wish I had known about it when I was a teenager - maybe I wouldn't have blamed my parents for everything like others.

I am since you haven't provided a source.

@Aivey these people are talking like teenage sex is horrible and bdsm at 16 is even worse not just kids, I agree with pretty much all your points.

[yours_slave]

Originally Posted by Dark_Delight

I am since you haven't provided a source.

@Aivey these people are talking like teenage sex is horrible and bdsm at 16 is even worse not just kids, I agree with pretty much all your points.

Can you see there is a difference between the way you have put your opinion and she (Aivey) has put her opinion? Please don't be rude when you are posting. This is a community so learn to respect to others.

And I never said we should ban all the minors from the site. Please quote the part if I have been said so. I even said they are welcome here to ask any questions and people here are ready to give them advises.

And I really don't think what you have said is what Aivey is telling. Me too agree with her points. But not with your points.

[Aivey]

I think that we all have our hearts in the right places, perhaps there was just miscommunication between yours_slave and Dark_Delight which was interpereted as rudeness. I think it's just out of concern for both side's wellbeing, and that's a great thing to begin with.

"This is a community so learn to respect to others." This is a really great point. I just wish to add that hopefully, the existing minors on the site get respected too. I think that the underage/overage debate has been going on for too long and in too many forms. This never happened before and I think it has only started ever since the problem with the ISP. Personally I find it sad that the main topic of debate is over people's age and that the community has been brought down to this level.

[yours_slave]

Well Aivey, the Most rude post from him is Fortunately edited by Mods. If you can see his other posts in this thread.

AND I'M SO NOT GOING TO REPLY TO THIS THREAD ANYMORE. WHEN I WRITE THIS, I NEVER THOUGHT PEOPLE WILL GET HURT. I DON'T WANT TO GET PEOPLE HURT BECAUSE OF MY THREADS. THIS WILL BE MY LAST ADVICE THREAD IN GETDARE.

[Dark_Delight]

Originally Posted by yours_slave

Can you see there is a difference between the way you have put your opinion and she (Aivey) has put her opinion? Please don't be rude when you are posting. This is a community so learn to respect to others.

And I never said we should ban all the minors from the site. Please quote the part if I have been said so. I even said they are welcome here to ask any questions and people here are ready to give them advises.

And I really don't think what you have said is what Aivey is telling. Me too agree with her points. But not with your points.

Yeah mine was shorter lol. I think this all goes back to my original post all your arguments to why kids shouldn't do S/M falls apart when dealing with teens especially older teens. Since me and her are saying the same thing I think it's more of a matter that you just don't like me then you disagree with my points.

[Aivey]

Originally Posted by Dark_Delight

_this post is not very polite, and is lowering the level of a very useful thread. stop the bickering or all non useful comments are going to be deleted. Love mods.-

I'm pretty sure freedom of speech still holds through on this site. Even if it's not as polite as it is meant to be on a "friendly" site, I think that it shouldn't be censored unless if it harms the safety of other members. I am pretty sure that there are many posts out there which are more rude. If it's your job to censor people, then my appologies, go ahead, go and moderate every single post on here that is rude. Living in a country that has one of the strictest censorship laws out there, I guess I'm just a bit over sensitive to seeing people unable to voice their opinions. Has getDare really come down to this? Do we really have to censor posts that we don't like to feign a false modesty and politeness? Even if the answer to that is yes, deleting his whole post is not being constructive. One year ago, the site wasn't like this. As much respect as I have for you for helping me out in tougher times, I personally think that this oversteps the line. Just because we don't agree with the mod's moral standards and beliefs does not mean that we don't get to have our own voice.

I think that in the later areas of this thread, it is proven that the points of this post don't completely add up to 100%. We've all started out with great intentions, but it's actions like these that often bother people lots, and detract from the site as a whole. Though the idea is great, it's controvertial, and as we have later seen by opposing views, it is not as valuable as you claim it to be. That is just a gross exageration in trying to justify your actions as a mod.

Is it back seat modding if I point out to a mod that they're not handling something tactfully? I don't know, perhaps it is. But if the mods are unwilling to listen to the multiple complaints of users being bullied by them, then I have no idea how this site will stay a postive enviroment. So I just thought I'd put it out here in the open, where every single person can see this. We need more people aware that behavior like this is not okay.

[Loman]

I tend to agree with the majority of Dark_Delight's post.
Fair enough he might not be very tactful and is downright rude in places but he makes his point and besides - this is the internet. Not everyone has to be as nice as pie. That is what makes the world interesting.

Now the OP made many valid points too, but there is no real point in getting into this debate further. I will only repeat what Aivey and Dark_Delight has said.

This though:

Originally Posted by Aivey

Is it back seat modding if I point out to a mod that they're not handling something tactfully? I don't know, perhaps it is. But if the mods are unwilling to listen to the multiple complaints of users being bullied by them, then I have no idea how this site will stay a postive enviroment. So I just thought I'd put it out here in the open, where every single person can see this. We need more people aware that behavior like this is not okay.

You just won an internet. Well done for speaking out.

[Leopard]

Since people keep calling my attention to this thread...

People are free to have different opinions, and a forum is for discussing those differing opinions. I would however ask that people at least attempt to be polite to others, though.

In the case of deleted posts and mod edits, please also consider that since you can no longer see the content of the post, you really have no way to judge the mod's decision in removing it. The post in question had no real content to fall back on other than general anger, so it's perfectly understandable that it was removed. It has absolutely nothing to do with a user being bullied for their opinions, so please relax and continue discussing the topic at hand instead.

[Dark_Delight]

Originally Posted by Leopard

Since people keep calling my attention to this thread...

People are free to have different opinions, and a forum is for discussing those differing opinions. I would however ask that people at least attempt to be polite to others, though.

In the case of deleted posts and mod edits, please also consider that since you can no longer see the content of the post, you really have no way to judge the mod's decision in removing it. The post in question had no real content to fall back on other than general anger, so it's perfectly understandable that it was removed. It has absolutely nothing to do with a user being bullied for their opinions, so please relax and continue discussing the topic at hand instead.

No one in this thread has real content... just because someone says something is a fact doesn't mean it is. He wouldn't even cite a source he was talking out of his ass. So what makes his post have more content then mine? Or anyone elses that is one very stupid reason.

[Maggy]

Can't you just do as you're told and let the argument drop? It's kind of annoying watching this same boring fued pop up time and time again... Everyone has different views and I think it's been demonstrated that we just can't put them forward without finding some way to insult each other...

Come on, folks. This site'd be such a prettier place if we could just forget this whole thing and make up.

[nellybell]

Originally Posted by Dark_Delight

No one in this thread has real content... just because someone says something is a fact doesn't mean it is. He wouldn't even cite a source he was talking out of his ass. So what makes his post have more content then mine? Or anyone elses that is one very stupid reason.

Drop it or I will drop your ass on the ban list. I don't care if you people disagree but you must do so in a polite manner. You my dear are acting as though you were raised in a barn yard. Considering your inflammatory past I would be well within my means to ban you now for your rudeness. Shape up or shut up. I am not having it.

[Aivey]

I believe that rudeness should simply be ignored as it distinguishes the diference between someone making a valid point and someone who's 'talking out of their ass'.

But anyway, I think maggy is right, we should just drop the arguments. It's easier to just accept everyone for who they are and to mind our own businesses. Instead of judging others based on their stance on a very controversial topic, how about we just thank the OP for posting on a very good cause and accept the wide spectrum of beliefs that are out there.

[Invisible]

Originally Posted by Dark_Delight

No one in this thread has real content... just because someone says something is a fact doesn't mean it is. He wouldn't even cite a source he was talking out of his ass. So what makes his post have more content then mine? Or anyone elses that is one very stupid reason.

Actually I said I don't usually engage with people who are rude and ignorant and advised where people could find information if they wished to look further.

The study and discoveries regarding teenage brain development have been around about a decade now and there have been masses of study's supporting what I said. In case anybody has any doubts the following is from Harvard Magazine (I think that's a reputable University):

"Research during the past 10 years, powered by technology such as functional magnetic resonance imaging, has revealed that young brains have both fast-growing synapses and sections that remain unconnected. This leaves teens easily influenced by their environment and more prone to impulsive behavior, even without the impact of souped-up hormones and any genetic or family predispositions.

Most teenagers don’t understand their mental hardwiring, so Jensen, whose laboratory research focuses on newborn-brain injury, and David K. Urion, an associate professor of neurology who treats children with cognitive impairments like autism and attention deficit disorder, are giving lectures at secondary schools and other likely places. They hope to inform students, parents, educators, and even fellow scientists about these new data, which have wide-ranging implications for how we teach, punish, and medically treat this age group. As Jensen told some 50 workshop attendees at Boston’s Museum of Science in April, “This is the first generation of teenagers that has access to this information, and they need to understand some of their vulnerabilities.”

As you can see this is a developing area of research but it already is heavily influencing things such as government policy on driving and drinking ages.

[Dark_Delight]

Originally Posted by Invisible

Actually I said I don't usually engage with people who are rude and ignorant and advised where people could find information if they wished to look further.

The study and discoveries regarding teenage brain development have been around about a decade now and there have been masses of study's supporting what I said. In case anybody has any doubts the following is from Harvard Magazine (I think that's a reputable University):

"Research during the past 10 years, powered by technology such as functional magnetic resonance imaging, has revealed that young brains have both fast-growing synapses and sections that remain unconnected. This leaves teens easily influenced by their environment and more prone to impulsive behavior, even without the impact of souped-up hormones and any genetic or family predispositions.

Most teenagers don’t understand their mental hardwiring, so Jensen, whose laboratory research focuses on newborn-brain injury, and David K. Urion, an associate professor of neurology who treats children with cognitive impairments like autism and attention deficit disorder, are giving lectures at secondary schools and other likely places. They hope to inform students, parents, educators, and even fellow scientists about these new data, which have wide-ranging implications for how we teach, punish, and medically treat this age group. As Jensen told some 50 workshop attendees at Boston’s Museum of Science in April, “This is the first generation of teenagers that has access to this information, and they need to understand some of their vulnerabilities.”

As you can see this is a developing area of research but it already is heavily influencing things such as government policy on driving and drinking ages.

What the hell does more easily influenced have to do with bdsm? As others have pointed out many people get into bdsm type things without any prior exposure and it's just something they like. If anything that source benefits my points more. Saying something is wrong when someone is a kid and/or teen will make them think it's wrong all through their life even if in your opinion it isn't wrong anymore when they hit 18 (because that's a magical age).