Pam's Story

[OffKilterHalo]

I'll keep this short. I agree with Interesting.
You should really consider moving this to the Mature section.
It is a good easy read.
The characters are behaving in a manner that stretches suspension of disbelief to the breaking point.

[Officelover]

Originally Posted by interesting

I feel I need to comment on this story. What I have to say may or may not earn me the ire of my comrades. It is not my intention to be hurtful but to give a balanced presentation - whether you agree or not is entirely up to you, and this is just my personal opinion.

First and foremost, I think this story should be moved in the Mature Stories section. The themes presented, mainly the slavery and rape, do not belong in this section. Do not forget that, according to the narrative, Pam is an unwilling slave and is being tortured against her will, and at no point in the story did I even get the notion that she was becoming willing, even when she experienced physical and sexual pleasure.

On the grammatical and textual side, the narrative is well-structured, there are very little typos or mistakes and the text flows very well. It's an easy read, and the presentation is believable in itself.

The characters, however, are not believable to my taste, particularly the character of Pam. The girl is being molested, raped and humiliated. Unless she is completely submissive and has no free will (which does not seem to be the case since she actively resists several times), in the last post she is left alone. At some point, she would go to the police, tell her story about Daniel, and they would have enough physical evidence (from the rape alone) to arrest him and convict him. My suspension of disbelief only goes so far.

The story in itself is well thought out, plays on many of the usual themes found here, but it falls short of realism. If you're not looking for realism, then by all means, please continue on this path, you are working a straightfoward narrative that works outside of established behaviorial patterns. I still think this is a mature story and should be moved there.

It's true that, in retrospect, this might have worked better in Mature section. I don't really know how to move it though. If you could tell me...

About the realism: let me explain something. Though Pam is forced against her will into these situtations, she does have one choice: she can tell the police. But, in my mind, she is scared. I mean, what would happen if she told them; he parents and friends would never look at her the same way again, and he could release the photos! She thinks this is the lesser of two evils, and does not want to bring this story out into the open.

But thank you for the advice!

[interesting]

You don't really need to justify yourself here, as I said, mine is merely an interpretation of the facts, no better than anyone else's. I only include it to highlight my reasoning. Take it or leave it, this is YOUR story, not mine.

It's true that Pam may not be reasoning rationally there, but there is a point around which, after being molested, photographed, violated in multiple fashions and raped repeatedly, she will have had enough. She might even try to kill her agressor, since she is not acting rationally. And Daniel is not being very smart about his abuse, leaving her alone, forcing her to do things when he is not there, he's creating all sorts of loopholes which can backfire on him. Sooner or later, someone is going to realize that this girl is not behaving normally - and I'm pretty sure if Pam should be confronted with an 'Are you all right?' she would burst into tears. She may not be able to say what's going on, but that would be sufficient to draw the authorities.

Possibly, and this is entirely character interpretation on my part, but the only rationale I can find for Pam not coming forward is that she is enjoying this (can't see how, but it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but her). I'm just not reading any of that into the story. My recommandation is that you need to include personal gratification for her if you want to make it believable that she would submit to this. She might even be able to turn the tables on him eventually - even though I think that if she did, she would probably end up killing him.

As for moving it into Mature Stories, one of the Moderators could do it... if we ask nicely.

[Officelover]

Originally Posted by interesting

You don't really need to justify yourself here, as I said, mine is merely an interpretation of the facts, no better than anyone else's. I only include it to highlight my reasoning. Take it or leave it, this is YOUR story, not mine.

It's true that Pam may not be reasoning rationally there, but there is a point around which, after being molested, photographed, violated in multiple fashions and raped repeatedly, she will have had enough. She might even try to kill her agressor, since she is not acting rationally. And Daniel is not being very smart about his abuse, leaving her alone, forcing her to do things when he is not there, he's creating all sorts of loopholes which can backfire on him. Sooner or later, someone is going to realize that this girl is not behaving normally - and I'm pretty sure if Pam should be confronted with an 'Are you all right?' she would burst into tears. She may not be able to say what's going on, but that would be sufficient to draw the authorities.

Possibly, and this is entirely character interpretation on my part, but the only rationale I can find for Pam not coming forward is that she is enjoying this (can't see how, but it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but her). I'm just not reading any of that into the story. My recommandation is that you need to include personal gratification for her if you want to make it believable that she would submit to this. She might even be able to turn the tables on him eventually - even though I think that if she did, she would probably end up killing him.

As for moving it into Mature Stories, one of the Moderators could do it... if we ask nicely.

I know you are just interpreting the facts, and I can try to make it a bit more realistic; but really this is just a story. It's fiction, and I'm just kind of trying to write this story.

I was planning on adding some personal gratification, but, I think it's better if she hates what she's doing, at least in the beginning.

We'll see how it turns out, I guess.

Thank you for the advice.

Also, moderators, if you could move this story that would be helpful!

[Officelover]

Pam woke to find herself in a room that was absolutely and entirely red. Red floor. Red walls. Red carpet. Even a red door. When she realized she was naked, her cheeks were also red.

She was chained. "Hello, slut." a voice said singsongly, "How are we this fine morning?"

"Where is Daniel's voice coming from?" Pam wondered aloud.

"I am speaking through an intercom system, slave." the voice blared, "Now, in five minutes people will one by one come throught the door. You will whatever they say for fifteen minutes. If you disobey or displease them in any way, they will be aloud to pick from a list of punishments at the end. These are paying customers and you must please them. Is that clear?"

"Yes." She said.

Daniel said, "Good."

Time passed for what seemed like ages before the first person entered. The door locked behind him. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He held the key to her chains. "Okay," he said, "It's time for you to, um, give me oral."

He undid his pants, and she sucked. She was more used to it by now.

It was revolting.

Now, he told her to stand up. "I can't." She said, as she was still in chains. "What did you say?" He angrily said.

Suddenly Daniel's voice reappeares, and said, "Time. Mr. Smith, did she disobey you in any way?" He said, "As a matter of fact, she did."

"Slut! Is that true?!"

"What? No, it's just that."

Daniel interrupted, "SILENCE! Mr. Smith has paid money and we should let him punish you."

Though she could not see him, Pam was sure hew as enjoying this.

"Now then," Daniel proceeded, "Mr. Smith, you may punish her in the following ways. You can spank her, whip her, or have sex with her."

Mr. smith said, "I'll whip her."

A look of sheer terror fell over Pam's eyes. "Good," said Daniel, "Unchain her and give her, say, twenty lashes."

He unchained her, and grabbed a whip. He laid her down on the ground, and whipped her. With each sharp lash, Pam cried out in agony. Despite herself, a small part of her remained aroused. She was at a complete loss of control.

He finished, and chained her up again. Then he left, and a new person came in. Only this time it was a woman.

She made no hesitation to unchain her, lie her down and sit on her face. "Lick my ass." She dominantly asserted.

Never had Pam though of lesbianism before, yet her she was, naked in a room with a woman, who's ass she now kissed.

The woman finally came, and she was revolted by the juice produced. Soon the woman left.

For the entire day, she served as submissive to people. Six times she was whipped, and eight she was spanked. By the end of the day, she was so tired and enraged that she collapsed on the ground of the red room that she had come to hate.

She wept, and then slept.


___________________________________

Comments please!!!!!!!!

[Officelover]

I'm going to post this, but unless I get more feedback and comments soon, I might stop.

Thank you interesting for your critique
_________________________________________________

Pam woke up in her cage. She had guessed that Daniel had moved her there from the red room. This was only her third day there.

What would happen to her? He was entirely selfish. She knew that she could not let those pictures be released, but this was terrible. Absolutely terrible.

This was a nightmare.

Suddenly, Daniel walked in the door, and said, “Up.” He opened the door to her cage, and Pam gingerly stepped out.

“We’re going out, slave.”

She looked at him as if to ask where her outfit was. “Oh, I forgot.” He turned on the lights to reveal a table. On this table, there were some supplies. There was a little bit of very scratchy fabric, twenty sheets of construction paper, three plastic bags, a glue stick, a roll of tape, a stapler, a newspaper, scissors, a small roll of string, and a circular piece of felt.

“You, slut,” said Daniel, “will take the next half an hour or so to construct an outfit. This, she suspected, would not be an easy task. She was comforted by the surprising abundance of materials.

Daniel left leaving Pam to design her clothes. She took the circular piece of felt, and put it ‘between her legs’. She tied it with some string.

She took the precious remainder of the fabric she had. It was about 4 and one half feet long by 3 feet. She wrapped it loosely around her legs, and bunched it up in the middle, creating makeshift panties.

Then, she took the scissors and cut the newspaper to make pant legs. They took two long sheets for each leg, and made sure they went completely around her leg. She took the very top of the paper and glued it to the bottom. Then she taped it for extra strength.

After she had made both pant legs, she took another two sheets, to put on top of each one. She taped and glue, until she had a pair of pants made completely out of newspaper.

Ingeniously, Pam took the shopping bags, and put her arms through them; two covered the front, while another one was in the back. Then she took three pieces of the construction paper and taped them together. She covered the plastic bags. She did the same thing over and over again. She added some newspaper sleeves and had a shirt.

She added newspaper and paper to spots that seemed weak, and reinforced with more tape, glue, and string.

She went to the mirror and admired her handiwork. She had covered all of her ‘private parts’.

Daniel came down and whistled. “Well, well, slut. You know how to make an outfit.”

“Let’s go, shall we.” He said after a while.

They left.

[eastcoastchick7]

omg this story is so good plz dont stop

[georgiadog23]

plz dont stop this is good

[Officelover]

First of all, thank you for the comments.

Second of all, I am changing something: her parents are not away for two weeks, but rather just one.

(I would edit it, but for some reason, I can't.)

Third of all, if anyone has any ideas, just tell me.

[HottayFerSure]

dont stop this story is amazing, and my favorite!

[Officelover]

I'm sorry to keep you waiting, it's just that I've been too busy. On Friday, I'll try to post more. Don't worry, it's going to be good.

[qwertypete]

Keep it up, can't wait for more...

[Officelover]

Pam and Daniel exited the hose, and went into Daniel's car. "By the way, slut," said Daniel, "Nice outfit."

Pam got no joy out of his compliment. Daniel had not yet started the car, and he put a blindfold on Pam. Daniel ordered her, "Do not take this off, slave, until I tell you to."

She had no intention of taking it off anyways.

She had not yet eaten breakfast, and she was very hungry. However, she knew about Daniel's 'temper' for her requests, and she was in no mood for any kind of punishment. She decided to not say anything.

Pam fell asleep.

Daniel was driving. The silence gave him chance to review his plan. Daniel thought, "It was lucky of me to have found this slave. She's much better than the others. There was Lucy; ugh, whaty an idiot! And Valentine, she actually enjoyed the punishments. Come on, if your a painslut, you should be in a real relationship, not blackmail!

"Yes, Pam is the best so far. She has my two needs; she doesn't like it and she's hot."

His mind wandered to her young, hot body. Slowly, a bulge began to appear in his pants. He shook it off, and snapped back to real life. He refocused on driving.

Pam, meanwhile, was still sound asleep.

After about an hour of driving, at eight o' clock, Pam woke up. There was so much noise. It was very loud. It sounded like traffic. "Master," she said, with a yawn, "where are we?"

"Oh good, you're up." said Daniel.

She reached to remove her blindfold, when Daniel said, "Don't." She remebered his command and instantaneously stopped.

"Now, slut," he said, "we are in New York City."

Her eyes opened wide underneath her blindfold. New York was an hour away from her town, and she loved it. She went about once every 3 months, and was at first extatic.

But then she remembered her outfit.

Wories began to flood her mind. What would Danile make her do? Would anyone see her in this outfit?

Daniel parked the car, in the middle of the city, near an apartment building. "Master," started Pam, "if you don't mind me asking; what are we doing here?"

With a wicked grin he said, "We're just stopping here before your task begins."

He pressed a button, and a voice came on, and said, "Hello."

"It's me, Tom."

"Oh, Dan. Come on up."

There was an electronic buzz, and they entered the building. There were not too many people in the lobby, but nonetheless Pam was humiliated by the number of people who saw her in her newspaper clothing.

Her only comfort was that at least she was decent, and had made an outfit to protect said decency.

They entered the elevator, and Daniel pressed the button for the seventh floor.

Slowly, the elevato climbed. After about fourty-five seconds, they arrived with a 'ding'. Pam's master scanned the area, and then went left. Pam followed. "714, 716, 718," Daniel muttered under his breath, "Ah, 720." He knocked on the door.

A man about 30 opened the door, and said in a New York accent, "Dan, how the hell are you?"
They shook hands and engaged in brief conversation, leaving Pam out of the conversation. Finally, the man pointed to Pam, and said, "She yours?"

Daniel said, "Yeah, Tom. Blackmailing 'er."

"Well, I suppose we better take her in then!" He burst out in laughter. Pam did not like Tom. He gave off this vibe of being mean, just like Daniel.

Daniel, and Tom sat down on chairs, facing each other. There was a glass coffeetable in between them. "Sit." said Daniel. Pam sat on a chair, only to be reprimanded by Tom; "What are you doing? Hasn't your master taught you any manners?" he looked Daniel in the eye, and then refocused on Pam, "sit on the ground, slut."

She did so carefully, as to not tear her very delicate clothes.

"Good." said Daniel.

Tom said, "I betcha your wondering how me and your master know each other."

Pam nodded in agreement.

"Well, he's my nephew. My older brother, Frank, he was a wet blanket. No offence, Dan."

"None taken." said Daniel.

"Well, he had Dan here; an' Frank was always rather dumb. So when he caught Daniel here practicing BDSM wit his girlfriend, he freaked. He punished poor Dan here, and Daniel did the right thing. He got emancipated, so now he's livin' on his own. I figure he needs a father figure, so I help him out a bit."

Daniel was smiling.

"Every month or so he comes over here, and I talk to him, an' give him advice."

Pam was amazed; she had never given much thought to him except that he was mean.

Daniel said, "So, Tom, ya want to check out Pam."

"Sure." said Tom.

Daniel ordered, "Stand up strait, slave."

She did so, and Tom went over. He asked, "This top come off?"

Pam nodded, and instantly regretted it. "Don't worry," he said while peeling off one of the peice of tape, "I have more tape for you."

The construction paper came off, all at once, and he pulled down the newspaper sleeves. Then, he took the shopping bags, and removed them, fully exposing her boobs.

"Nice slave, you got here, Daniel."

Daniel beamed. Tom played with her nipples a bit, and then said, "Okay, everything here is in order. He put back on her shoping bag bra, and her construction paper top he retaped, now stronger than ever. Then he pulled back up her newspaper sleeves, and attached them to her shirt.

He then, carefully, untaped her pant legs from the rest of her pants. He asked her to hop up, so he could pull of the pant legs. She did so.

Then, he removed the remainder of her newspaper pants, and took, the fabric panties off. Her ass was now completely in view.

She dreaded what she knew was coming next.

He untied the string, and slowly the felt circle dropped.

Her vagina was being stared at by a stranger!!!

This was too much, but she had no power over anything. She wanted to cry so much, but sadly, couldn't.

To her suprise, he fished in his drawer, and pulled out a small vibrator. He stuck it in her pussy, and left it there. Then he rebuilt her clothes around her exactly as they were before, with one exception. On the side facing her vagina, the felt circle had paper on it too.He handed Daniel a remote.

He fiddled with the dial, and suddenly the vibe began to pound trechorously. Then it stopped. aniel laughed with glee.

"Good," said Daniel, "thank you Uncle Tom. Now, Pam, while you go through your day today, I will occasionally use this. As a warning, I have to tell you. You may not cum today. Do you hear me? YOU MAY NOT CUM!"

Pam nodded. "Oh, and by the way, slut," he said, "Don't be suprised if there are a couple of 'extra features'."

With that, they bid Tom goodbye, and left.

They proceeded down the elevator, and back into Daniel's car.

As she was so many times recently, Pam was nervous.

[qwertypete]

Yet another great installment... please continue, it's getting really good!

[georgiadog23]

again great story!