Soft limits

[SubMissChievous]

I thought about starting this thread for quite some time & a couple of weeks ago in a reply in Fiendish’s thread The Fiend’s Eye: Punishment & DisciplineI stated the following:

Originally Posted by naughty_chloe

Personally, I don’t like… no, take that back, I hate the term “soft” limit. To me, there’s no such thing. My limits are limits & they have the “No Trespassing” tag on them.

My reply was mostly in reaction to vampyrepain’s post which I found interesting & it made me think about this subject both before my reply & after as well. After relexion, it seems like I've "changed my mind" a bit or at least look at it differently

Originally Posted by vampyrepain

I suppose the simple solution to this is to continue the discussion of limits as D/s relationship progresses. I guess when I think it out well, I am driving at the issue that many people here use the word limit to refer to dislikes, which is very different. Because of this confusion of terms, it might be appropriate for a Dom to ask a sub to do something against their “limits" as a punishment for the exact reason that it is something the sub strongly dislikes.

Now I do very much agree that some slaves use or mix up what a soft limit & a dislike is. Some Masters do too as a matter of fact. I think this confusion is a bit normal especially for those who are new to this lifestyle as they are experimenting in order to find their own limits. But also, from conversations I’ve had with some other members about this, it seems that most have their own definition.

After replying I thought of what my own definitions of both dislikes, soft limits & hard limits would be. (I like having my own personal views about anything anyway ) I came up with these definitions:

Dislikes: For me a dislike is an activity that I don’t like but that doesn’t make me feel bad once it’s done with. At the moment I’m being asked to do something I dislike I may either be a bit nervous or less enthusiastic although I would usually not object to.

Soft limits: Now to me a “soft” limit (still resent that term but can’t come up with a better one…) is something that not only I dislike or hate but that makes me very uncomfortable for various reasons. Those are activities that are most likely to make me feel bad after performing them & can have negative effects on me either short-term or long-term.

Personally, I believe that if those were to be bent it always should be discussed between a Master & a slave no matter the situation, be it a punishment or just “play”…

Hard limits: Well, I don’t think I need to elaborate much on this one. I think for most it means something that a slave will not do under any circumstance & that those should always be respected.

All that being said & according to my own definitions I do have some soft limits. What I’m interested in is to know what other members’ thoughts, views & even experiences if any are about them Personally, I have made a list of dislikes, soft limits & hard limits asking myself for each why each fitted in one category rather than another. Interestingly, most soft limits were things that I had tried & had some significantly negative experiences with.

Now I’ve already mentioned that I like having my own views & opinions but I enjoy just as much reading/hearing others’ thoughts which is the purpose of this thread. I hope this open a healthy & interesting discussion & becomes an helpful tool both for those who are new into D/s (and the not-so-new too )