Explorations into denial, pain, and humiliation

[Yasna]

Why this blog?

I've been fascinated by different aspects of BDSM – pain, bondage, humiliation – for as long as I can remember. But lately I'm very much interested in denial. Especially the idea of permanent or at least long-term and open-ended denial terrifies me and arouses me extremely at the same time. However, what usually happens is: I read through a denial blog or indulge in a denial fantasy … And I masturbate. And I cum. A lot. I have been able to deny myself orgasms for several weeks. I thoroughly enjoyed how it made me feel: more sensual, my libido in the "red" range most of the time. Nevertheless I fell off the waggon every time. I relished the orgasms, but I felt stale and unsatisfied afterwards. I want to find a way to make denial sustainable for me.

I don't need to have the answer right now. I don't need to say "I'll never cum again" and be disappointed when I fail after a few weeks. I want to give it time and I want to experiment. From a logical standpoint no touching at all in a sexual manner seems to be the most reasonable approach to me. It's not that I think I don't deserve pleasure. I don't want to need it. This might lead to loss of interest though. But the whole point of my experiments is to enhance my sexuality, not to numb it. Nevertheless, no touching in a sexual way is my jumping-off point. I'm on my fifth day of this "no touch"-regimen now and so far I feel a slightly heightened arousal level. But I also had some pretty busy and stressful days so the jury is still out.

This blog is intended as one way of keeping my interest high. I love to write generally and especially about my sexual experiments. Unfortunately I'm not very consistent with it, and I hope this blog helps me to take the time to put my thoughts and feelings down more regularly.

And if it turns out that this is not enough to keep me interested and satisfied there are several strategies I'd like to explore: add pain and humiliation, which always make me horny; work my way up to a pleasurable anal experience (I'm currently almost an anal virgin); try vaginal masturbation only and avoid any stimulation of the clit (I doubt I can cum without any clitoral stimulation); test out edging at different frequencies; maybe incorporate very occasional ruined orgasms. So much to try!

Needless to say, I'm happy about everybody who's interested in my journey too. I hope we have a good time here!

[I have written this a couple of days ago for my new tumblr, but I'm not sure if I'll continue posting about my experiences there. It feels more homely here. And I can incorporate reports about dares more easily. Maybe I'll keep both for a while …]