Orange Bikini [FICTION]

aserwer · 05-29-2010, 08:33 PM

My first story, not really sure if I'm doing everything right, but here we go...

CHAPTER 1

The school trip was coming up on Friday. I had always wanted to go to Florida; it seemed like such a cool location, especially to be without parents. I had never been, but our senior class was going as part of a graduation celebration. Y'know, stupid stuff like that. I was a decent student, never very athletic but kept in shape, and had about mid-length blond hair. I never really got any girls, but I had a couple close friends who were female. They were Jess and Aubrey.

Jess was the typical "popular-girl-who's-been-friends-with-loser-for-years". We became friends in kindergarten, and since then my social status never taken off, while her's skyrocketed. In 6th grade, she already had B Cup breasts, and by our senior year she was a very full and well-endowed 34C. Her long brown hair had streaks of blond and she had an extremely tanned and toned body.

Aubrey was the kind of tomboy who everybody loved. She was in every after school activity imaginable. She played all the sports she could, she was in the musical, she was in student council, she was first chair clarinet in band. Everybody knew who Aubrey was, and everybody loved her. She was funny, pretty cute and smart as all get out.

The day we arrived in Florida, we got put into our rooms. Aubrey and Jess and their other friend (Kelly) were in one room, and I got put into one room with two of the weirdest kids in school. No one really knew anything about Lawrence except that he was strange, a little smelly, and very sweaty. Shaun on the other hand was a real fastidious, clean figure who no one really wanted to be friends with because he was gay. He had short blond, spiked hair and looked like he was taken straight from an N*Sync poster.

After everyone had gotten situated in their room, everyone met for dinner. At the hotel was a restaurant with a tiki, island feel. It was pretty dark and the only real light came from torches lit around the establishment. I sat with Aubrey, Jess and a couple of my guy friends who sat on the farther end of the table. We weren't allowed to leave until three hours had elapsed, so to pass the time we decided to play a little truth or dare.

"Aubrey, you're up first. Truth or dare?" I said. She responded with truth. "Who's the weirdest guy you've kissed?"

"... Kenneth." She responded.

"Kenneth?!" both me and Jess bust out laughing. "He's 800 pounds!"

"He was skinnier in 8th grade, okay? God, that doesn't leave the table. Jess, truth or dare?"

"Dare! Of course!"

"I dare you to... rub your ass against the waiter's dick when he comes around."

"No problem!" Jess said, as this mischievous grin burst onto her face. We waited about two minutes. When the waiter came by, Jess pushed her knife off the table as the waiter was gathering our empty drinks. She got up and as she bent over to pick it up, rubbed her delightful ass across the pants of the waiter. His face turned bright red and you could see he was turned on by the tent that was being pitched. He immediately grabbed the cups and rushed into the kitchen.

Jess sat down, with a satisfied smile. She turned to me. "Alright Dane, it's your turn. Truth or dare?"

"Uhm..." I didn't know which to pick. "Dare? Haha..." I nervously laughed, sort of afraid of what Jess had in mind.

Jess said in an almost scary tone; "I dare you to go the rest of this trip pretending to be a girl."

Shit.

aserwer · 05-29-2010, 09:11 PM

Please tell me if I should continue and whether or not you guys like it...

leveret2 · 05-29-2010, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aserwer

Please tell me if I should continue and whether or not you guys like it...

Amazing story! You should definitely keep going!

Plot: great start!, while it's been done before, it has a new twist: 8/10
Grammar/Mechanics: Excellent writing!: 10/10
Speed: I generally like slower stories that describe specific events. However, that doesn't mean that you like writing slowly: 9/10
Enjoyable: This story seems to be taking an enjoyable twist: 9/10

(\_/)
(0.0)
(___)o Rating: 9/10

Xdressbitch · 05-29-2010, 10:12 PM

Well... Let's put it this way... If u don't keep writing I'm gonna have to kill u

I've been waitigfor a story like this one!!! So please keep writing!!!

Memories for Life · 05-30-2010, 04:42 AM

It's ok so far! You went into some detail about the main characters -- what personalities each were and their appearance. This is always good to start any story.

I was thinking your main character was going to go thru the entire story being told in the 1st person then he was named "Dane" near the end.

As far as the dare goes, it was totally out of left field that one of his best buds for most of his young age takes this opportunity to jackpot him. The "scary tone" suggests Jess and Audrey had planned this! You have to build that up, why did they both want to humiliate Dane? Some form of revenge?

BTW: a 9/10 rating from someone with 2 posts who just signed up today? Could you be related? Or are you doing a dare about writing this story?

leveret2 · 05-31-2010, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Memories for Life

BTW: a 9/10 rating from someone with 2 posts who just signed up today? Could you be related? Or are you doing a dare about writing this story?

Yes, I can understand how you would be suspicious.
However, I am someone completely unrelated who has been lurking around getdare anonymously for the last several months. When I came across such an amazing story that no one had read, I wanted to make sure that he would continue.

jambalaya · 06-01-2010, 06:30 AM

But no kidding, this is a good story... You should continue... It's kinda rare to see such a plot...

05-29-2010, 08:33 PM	#1
aserwer Junior Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 22	Orange Bikini [FICTION] My first story, not really sure if I'm doing everything right, but here we go... CHAPTER 1 The school trip was coming up on Friday. I had always wanted to go to Florida; it seemed like such a cool location, especially to be without parents. I had never been, but our senior class was going as part of a graduation celebration. Y'know, stupid stuff like that. I was a decent student, never very athletic but kept in shape, and had about mid-length blond hair. I never really got any girls, but I had a couple close friends who were female. They were Jess and Aubrey. Jess was the typical "popular-girl-who's-been-friends-with-loser-for-years". We became friends in kindergarten, and since then my social status never taken off, while her's skyrocketed. In 6th grade, she already had B Cup breasts, and by our senior year she was a very full and well-endowed 34C. Her long brown hair had streaks of blond and she had an extremely tanned and toned body. Aubrey was the kind of tomboy who everybody loved. She was in every after school activity imaginable. She played all the sports she could, she was in the musical, she was in student council, she was first chair clarinet in band. Everybody knew who Aubrey was, and everybody loved her. She was funny, pretty cute and smart as all get out. The day we arrived in Florida, we got put into our rooms. Aubrey and Jess and their other friend (Kelly) were in one room, and I got put into one room with two of the weirdest kids in school. No one really knew anything about Lawrence except that he was strange, a little smelly, and very sweaty. Shaun on the other hand was a real fastidious, clean figure who no one really wanted to be friends with because he was gay. He had short blond, spiked hair and looked like he was taken straight from an N*Sync poster. After everyone had gotten situated in their room, everyone met for dinner. At the hotel was a restaurant with a tiki, island feel. It was pretty dark and the only real light came from torches lit around the establishment. I sat with Aubrey, Jess and a couple of my guy friends who sat on the farther end of the table. We weren't allowed to leave until three hours had elapsed, so to pass the time we decided to play a little truth or dare. "Aubrey, you're up first. Truth or dare?" I said. She responded with truth. "Who's the weirdest guy you've kissed?" "... Kenneth." She responded. "Kenneth?!" both me and Jess bust out laughing. "He's 800 pounds!" "He was skinnier in 8th grade, okay? God, that doesn't leave the table. Jess, truth or dare?" "Dare! Of course!" "I dare you to... rub your ass against the waiter's dick when he comes around." "No problem!" Jess said, as this mischievous grin burst onto her face. We waited about two minutes. When the waiter came by, Jess pushed her knife off the table as the waiter was gathering our empty drinks. She got up and as she bent over to pick it up, rubbed her delightful ass across the pants of the waiter. His face turned bright red and you could see he was turned on by the tent that was being pitched. He immediately grabbed the cups and rushed into the kitchen. Jess sat down, with a satisfied smile. She turned to me. "Alright Dane, it's your turn. Truth or dare?" "Uhm..." I didn't know which to pick. "Dare? Haha..." I nervously laughed, sort of afraid of what Jess had in mind. Jess said in an almost scary tone; "I dare you to go the rest of this trip pretending to be a girl." Shit.

05-30-2010, 04:42 AM	#5
Memories for Life getDare Devil Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Jacksonville, FL Posts: 1,012	It's ok so far! You went into some detail about the main characters -- what personalities each were and their appearance. This is always good to start any story. I was thinking your main character was going to go thru the entire story being told in the 1st person then he was named "Dane" near the end. As far as the dare goes, it was totally out of left field that one of his best buds for most of his young age takes this opportunity to jackpot him. The "scary tone" suggests Jess and Audrey had planned this! You have to build that up, why did they both want to humiliate Dane? Some form of revenge? BTW: a 9/10 rating from someone with 2 posts who just signed up today? Could you be related? Or are you doing a dare about writing this story? Last edited by Memories for Life; 05-30-2010 at 04:44 AM.

05-29-2010, 09:11 PM	#2
aserwer Junior Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 22	Please tell me if I should continue and whether or not you guys like it...

05-29-2010, 10:12 PM	#4
Xdressbitch Junior Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 11	Well... Let's put it this way... If u don't keep writing I'm gonna have to kill u I've been waitigfor a story like this one!!! So please keep writing!!!

06-01-2010, 06:30 AM	#7
jambalaya Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 22	But no kidding, this is a good story... You should continue... It's kinda rare to see such a plot...