Needing support after a bdsm breakup

CherryGirl201 · 04-05-2019, 11:41 AM

I just got out of my first serious and first bdsm relationship, and I’m heartbroken. My master has left me for a variety of reasons, mostly that are just his own personal problems that he needs to sort out. But, I feel betrayed because he swore he loved me and I was ready to give up my whole life and be fully his. Then the break happened, literally the day before I was going to leave with him. My trust has been destroyed, and I don’t know what to do. I was wondering if anyone who had been in similar situations had any advice.
Thank you <3

Asteroth · 04-05-2019, 11:49 AM

Hello!

I don't know your exact situation, but in general trust is difficult to build and easy to destroy. To me it sounds like he wasn't either ready for serious commitment. This is unfortunately common thing - and (it's just my personal opinion) it's never worth sacrificing your life for someone else.
With that aside, try to look at it that way:
Imagine if he had a change of mind later, when you were completely dependent on him. Or if your relation turned abusive and harmful. It is safer for you that it ended now, than later with much more severe consequences. I know it's hard for you now, but it will get better with time - I'm sure of that!

PrincessJessica · 04-06-2019, 08:13 AM

I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience. Being let down just before taking things to the next stage must be very difficult but it sounds like it was a step he ultimately couldn't make. I've just recently got out of a BDSM breakup too and it is upsetting as you often give up little pieces of your life (even though mine was purely online). I think all you can do is try to learn from the experience (like my first dom I was far too trusting, something not to repeat again), allow yourself to recover and try to move on at whatever speed you're comfortable with. Time really is the best healer, it just moves ever so slowly when you want to skip the upsetting times and all too fast that you barely notice the good times.

This blog helped me a little although it might not exactly apply in your situation: https://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=89452

LitDarkness · 04-06-2019, 08:45 AM

Break ups happen and they are hard. But, you'd rather him tell you now instead of before the next step, right? Also, this is weird way of looking at things but, just because someone breaks up with you doesn't mean they don't love you. The saying "If you love something, set it free." is a saying for a reason.

Like Jessica said, you can take what you experienced in this relationship and learn from it. You can learn from goid relationships just as much as you learn from bad relationships.

Yes, they are hard as submission takes a lot. And as Jessica said, you give pieces of your life away. I'll never claim a break up is easy. Take all the time you need to heal.

04-05-2019, 11:41 AM	#1
CherryGirl201 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 194 Blog Entries: 5	Needing support after a bdsm breakup I just got out of my first serious and first bdsm relationship, and I’m heartbroken. My master has left me for a variety of reasons, mostly that are just his own personal problems that he needs to sort out. But, I feel betrayed because he swore he loved me and I was ready to give up my whole life and be fully his. Then the break happened, literally the day before I was going to leave with him. My trust has been destroyed, and I don’t know what to do. I was wondering if anyone who had been in similar situations had any advice. Thank you <3 __________________ Female, 24, bi, sub, Im looking for embarrassing dares ...I love being made a fool of and humiliated likes: forced orgasms, anything that makes me blushy, pet play, HUMILIATION, wedgies, hypnosis dislikes/punishments: bladder control, pain limits: public, piss/poo drinking/eating, extreme pain PM Dares Here! Currently strictly denied by RedCamel, and I am not allowed to edge or orgasm. I am encouraged to rub rub rub as much as possible.

04-05-2019, 11:49 AM	#2
Asteroth Truth or Dare Enthusiast Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Europe Posts: 2,579 Blog Entries: 9	Hello! I don't know your exact situation, but in general trust is difficult to build and easy to destroy. To me it sounds like he wasn't either ready for serious commitment. This is unfortunately common thing - and (it's just my personal opinion) it's never worth sacrificing your life for someone else. With that aside, try to look at it that way: Imagine if he had a change of mind later, when you were completely dependent on him. Or if your relation turned abusive and harmful. It is safer for you that it ended now, than later with much more severe consequences. I know it's hard for you now, but it will get better with time - I'm sure of that! __________________ Male, switch, prefers sensual domination Like: Denial, light pain, forced orgasms, teasing, cbt, humiliation Might do: Cum eating, mild pain, anal, mild selfbondage, piss Limits: Public, Family, Illegal, Friends, Permanent, scat, absurd long term denial, crossdressing, gross Last orgasm: 2020/03/05 [full orgasm] Toys

04-06-2019, 08:13 AM	#3
PrincessJessica Truth or Dare Zealot Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: England Posts: 6,280 Blog Entries: 59	I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience. Being let down just before taking things to the next stage must be very difficult but it sounds like it was a step he ultimately couldn't make. I've just recently got out of a BDSM breakup too and it is upsetting as you often give up little pieces of your life (even though mine was purely online). I think all you can do is try to learn from the experience (like my first dom I was far too trusting, something not to repeat again), allow yourself to recover and try to move on at whatever speed you're comfortable with. Time really is the best healer, it just moves ever so slowly when you want to skip the upsetting times and all too fast that you barely notice the good times. This blog helped me a little although it might not exactly apply in your situation: https://www.getdare.com/bbs/blog.php?b=89452 __________________ M / 33 / Switch BDSMLR: PrincessJessica-M Kik: PrincessJessica_M Subscribe to my nudes and help deny me Loves: Bets, Denial, Feminisation, Humiliation, Online Exhibitionism, Teasing Likes: a2m, Body Writing, Degradation (to a degree), Exposure, Femdom, Pain, RP, SPH Dislikes: (Small) Anal, CBT, Cornertime, Cum Eating Limits: Blackmail, Dangerous, Face (my choice), Public PM & Kik dares / Sub Guide (Full Likes & Limits) / Toys & Clothes

04-06-2019, 08:45 AM	#4
LitDarkness Truth or Dare Zealot Join Date: May 2014 Location: Earth Posts: 6,116 Blog Entries: 289	Break ups happen and they are hard. But, you'd rather him tell you now instead of before the next step, right? Also, this is weird way of looking at things but, just because someone breaks up with you doesn't mean they don't love you. The saying "If you love something, set it free." is a saying for a reason. Like Jessica said, you can take what you experienced in this relationship and learn from it. You can learn from goid relationships just as much as you learn from bad relationships. Yes, they are hard as submission takes a lot. And as Jessica said, you give pieces of your life away. I'll never claim a break up is easy. Take all the time you need to heal. __________________ M/Novisexual/24/sub Do have female parts. 30/1,603 edges+ 2 more days of denial after edges Make My Denial Harder Denial Diary 6,000th post tasks and reports Likes + Limits Stuff I Can Use for Dares BDSM Test Results PM DARES Stories & Poems Spelling or Grammar Mistake: Let Me Know Help Break My Cursing Habit Live with people and do not own toys. Keep in mind when daring me please. Not your bitch and calling me names or trying to Dom me is probitted. Violators will be declared as idiots.