[Fiction] The Church Retreat

[tordman]

Hello GetDare Members,
This is my first attempt at writing a story. I've been reading them for a few years now and I think it's time I tried it for myself. So here it is...

"...in Jesus' name, amen."
Finally, morning service is over. I thought it would never end.*
"We will meet back here for lunch at noon. You are free to explore the grounds until then."
This is going to be an awesome retreat. No parents and hardly any supervision all weekend.
"Hey Ben! Wanna go walk around with us?"
It's Kailee, the cutest girl in the whole church. I've had a crush on her for a few months now.
"Yeah, sure."
Her friend, Beth, is with her she's nice but not nearly as attractive as Kailee.*
"Oh, and Beth was wondering if you could invite Chris too."
"Okay, I'll go ask him."
Chris has been one of my best friends for a few years now and I'm rooming with him all weekend.
"Hey Chris, Kailee and Beth wanna go walk around with us and see what there is to do on the campgrounds."
"I don't know, Ben. I was gonna go unpack."
"Come on! You can do that later. Just do me this favor. You know I'd do the same for you."
"Alright, fine. But you owe me."
We found the girls waiting right be the door.
"Where do you guys want to check out first?" I said.
"How about the lake?" Kailee replied.
We all agreed and set off towards the lake...

Sorry it's kind of short but I want to see if people like the way I write or if there's anything I need to change. All comments and constructive criticism are appreciated.

[daredevil2]

i like this keep going

[tordman]

I'm not the type of writer that's gonna say "I need this many replies before I post again," but a little more feedback would be nice. However, the story continues...

"Where do you guys want to check out first?" I said.
"How about the lake?" Kailee replied.
We all agreed and set off towards the lake.

The path to the lake was down a long, winding trail hidden from the rest of the campground by dense trees.
"So what do you guys think of the retreat so far?" I asked to break the silence.
"It's been alright but also kinda boring," Kailee answered.
"It's a church retreat. What did you expect?" Chris said.
"I don't know but it definitely hasn't been as good as our last one, right Beth?"
"Not even close. But you never know. It's not over yet."
"Wait, what happened on the last retreat?" Chris and I both asked.*
We hadn't been able to go because we had a big football game that weekend. Now I was starting to wish I had gone.
"Well... It wasn't so much the retreat as it was what we did in our free time," Kailee said, hardly answering our question.

By this time, we had reached the lake. The area around the lake was surrounded by tall trees and at the far end of the lake there was a little shack.
"Let's check out what's inside that shack!" Beth shouted.
We all followed her to the other side of the lake.

Inside the shack, it looked bigger than it did from the outside. It was carpeted and there were a few chairs strewn about. There was, also, two tiny windows on the sides but other than that, it was empty. We all took a seat and got comfortable. It was a pretty nice, secluded place to hangout.
"So, you wanna tell us what happened in your "free time" at the last retreat?" I asked the girls.
"Should we tell em?" Beth asked Kailee.
"Well the last retreat started out pretty boring too." Kailee told us.
"So what happened?!?" Chris and I both shouted, dying to know the answer.
"Beth and I decided to make it a little more interesting by playing a game called Truth or Dare..."

Once again, any suggestions would be great. Let me know what you guys think.

[big_k]

Loving this story so far, has a ton of potential

[coldnorth]

cool tell us more pppppppppplease

[BelgianDare]

Continue the good work!