[Fiction] 1 night 3 boys

[hellboy78]

Me ( Percy):
Dark haired, 4 pack, 5’5 Green eyes, age 14

Danny:
Blonde hair, no pack, 5’3, Blue eyes, age 14

Brandon:
Dark hair, 6 pack, 5’5, hazel eyes, age 14

This is my first story so please give feedback. Thanks

Chapter 1

The bell rang signaling the end of classes. I walked to my locker and opened it. Danny, my best friend, came up to me and asked, “Hey, wanna come over and spend the night.”
“Sure, sounds great.”
“Ok, come over around 4:30”
“k See you there”
I went home, packed my bag, and walked to danny’s house. I was 30 minutes early but I’m sure he won’t care. So I when I got there I didn’t bother knocking and just entered. I walked down the hallway and opened the door to his room. Danny was sitting on his bed, completely naked, stroking his cock. I immediately shut the door while he scrambled for his pants. He came out and said,” sorry I wasn’t expecting you for another 30 minutes.”
“ No, I should’ve knocked.”
“yeah, whatever, so my parents are gone for the weekend so we can do whatever we want”
“ok so wanna watch tv”
“yeah sounds great” so we sat on his couch watching tv until the door bell rang.
“who’s that” I asked
“ oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I invited Brandon to.”
So he answered the door, and in walked Brandon, my crush. He was wearing a baseball hat, a muscle shirt, shorts an nike shoes. He sat down next to me and said hey. “ um, yeah um hi”
He always made me nervous. I became aware I was getting hard.
“ so, you guys wanna go swimming” Said danny
“Sure” I said
“yeah sounds good but we don’t have any swimsuits” Said Brandon
“ok you can borrow some of mine” Said danny
Danny only had one pair of trunks and a speedo, so I took the trunks and Brandon the speedo because he is skinnier. We all changed and walked to the pool deck. I jumped first, then Danny, then Brandon, who looked so hot with his perfect tan, his six pack, his tight speedo were I could just make out the outline of his dick. As he sent up a shock wave of water, I realized it was gonna be one good night.

[Saphir]

Hey :3

Interesting start! :3

Some general hints at what you could improve (haha, I have to give those often )

Linking of clauses:

I went home, packed my bag, and walked to danny’s house. I was 30 minutes early but I’m sure he won’t care. So I when I got there I didn’t bother knocking and just entered. I walked down the hallway and opened the door to his room. Danny was sitting on his bed, completely naked, stroking his cock. I immediately shut the door while he scrambled for his pants. He came out and said,

Writing like that, almost only with names and pronouns (I, he) makes it sound... clipped is the word I think.
You can start sentences with various words to give it more flow, as for example: Although, after, before, then, as, since, when, neither... nor, even though, ...
Aditionally you can use adverbs/adverbial phrases to start sentences, as e.g. aditionally, sometimes, at night, in the morning, at 6 o'clock, usually, almost, at sunset, ...
Last but not least, present participles (and past participles) can be used to start sentences: Walking down the street, Peter saw... ; Seeing ... he realized... Realizing that, he called his bro ; blablabla
(just some random examples)

Adding more details (verbs of communication for example), description of surrounding, items, feelings thoughts and things persons do while they interact, will make your story more interesting to read.

Looking forward to your next chapter :3

Love

[dirtylittleboy]

has a lot potential. keep up the work

[Kewai]

Saphir has already given you some really good tips (love you Saphir :3) If I had to say anything; Just try to slow it down and include more description. This has a lot of potential to be awesome!!!

I cant wait for more

[hellboy78]

I jumped first, then Danny, then Brandon, who looked so hot with his perfect tan, his six pack, his tight speedo were I could just make out the outline of his dick. As he sent up a shock wave of water, I realized it was gonna be one good night.


Chapter 2

Once it started to get dark we decided to get out of the pool. Once inside we ordered pizza and played Xbox till the pizza came. We ate then went to the basement and started to watch a movie. It got over at About half past midnight.
“ hey let’s play truth or dare” said Danny
“ok, what are the rules” I asked
“ it must stay in the basement, no pics or videos, and if you fail to do a dare you have to take two other dares from the other two players”
We agreed and began the game. It started with truths and few dares every once in a while. The truths were simple stuff like who do you like and have you kissed anyone . The dares were just as simple, lick the floor, eat ketchup and mustard mixed together. It went on like that until it was Danny’s turn.
“Brandon truth or dare.”
“ dare I guess”
“ok, I dare you to play the rest of the game naked” I was surprised by this dare.i guess Brandon was just as shocked because he didn’t respond right away. is
“um, ok” so Brandon stripped slowly. Once he got his underwear he stopped. Danny gestured for him to continue. So Brandon slid his boxers down and then quickly covered himself with a blanket.
“ok percy, truth or dare” he said.
“ um dare” was my response
“ ok, you have to strip to” I expected this so I took my clothes off and covered with a pillow.
“ok, how about we make this more interesting.” I said
They both responded “ how”
Since me and Brandon are already naked, danny you have to strip to, and we only do dares from now on.” Brandon agreed but Danny wasn’t sure what to think but he then stripped and covered with a pillow.
“ok, so Danny I dare you to stand up and not cover up”
Danny then glared at me but reluctantly got up and dropped the pillow. His dick was erect and about 5.5 inches. My own began to get hard and I had a feeling Brandon’s was to. Danny then sat back down and covered again.
“ ok Brandon, I dare you to , kiss my dick” whoa, I didn’t think Danny was gay but now I’m not sure.
“ no way” Brandon replied.
“ OK your punishment dare is to give me a full body massage with a happy ending” So Danny laid on his stomach and Brandon got to work on him. He started at the neck and worked his way down. Then, Danny flipped over, his erect dick in the air, and Brandon continued. Once he got to Danny’s dick he began to pump. After about 3 minutes Danny began to groan and then shot his load onto the floor.
“ And my punishment o you is to eat his cum” I said. So Brandon bent down and slurped it up.
“ok, my turn, percy I dare you to kiss danny’s dick.
I thought about my options and decided to take the dare. So I got on my knees and Danny stood up. My dick was erect and throbbing. I kissed the head of the cock and then sat down. “ ok, danny you have to let us blind fold you and lets do whatever we want with you for 10 minutes”
“fine”
So we wrapped his underwear around his eyes, then Brandon gagged him.
“ ok start the clock” I said

[drawde]

Sexy story so far. Awesome job.