Why I am drawn to D/s: Thoughts on Intimacy

FunWithNumbers88 · 07-29-2011, 07:35 AM

I want to explore the D/s dynamic for how it defines the possibility space of interactions between two individuals.

Lets suppose that each person brings a space called their "intimacy space" to the table. Then lets define the "possibility space" as the intersection of two people's intimacy spaces. A D/s relationship provides the framework for which the possibility space can grow to become the union of both people's intimacy spaces, thus creating the highest level of intimacy (in the layman sense) I can imagine.

By entering this dynamic, you are allowing for an unstructured exploration of the other's intimacy space. The possibilities for finding and exploring new things are then not limited by preconceived notions, or fears, and allow the possibility space to grow unbounded. Of course, the possibility space is bounded, as we are dealing with human beings who do have preconceived notions and seated fears.

So, there is a mechanism by which this dynamic finds the current boundaries of the possibility space...the safe word. The safe word is meant to rescind these roles when one person feels like the other has crossed a boundary, thus highlighting it, and allowing the two individuals to actively discuss the issues that are creating the impediment to the growth of the possibility space.

These boundaries may be so deep seated that they prevent the union of the intimacy spaces in any given instance, and thus it is not the case that the union is actually achieved in any relationship. But with enough trust and intimacy (in layman terms) other barriers can be deconstructed, and allow the growth of the possibility space to continue again.

Thus the union of the intimacy spaces should be further defined as the limit of the size of the possibility space. It is the asymptotic final state that the D/s dynamic allows the possibility space to approach. The idea that it might be possible to achieve this final state with another person, and the fact that there is a mechanism by which it can be attempted, sinks me into the lifestyle in such a way that I simply can't look back.

But also, I don't believe that any one person can fully explore their intimacy space by themselves, so one of the most interesting part of the dynamic is that the union of the intimacy spaces involves defining the intimacy spaces themselves! That is a truly exciting notion, and another huge draw on me into the lifestyle.

Jacko · 07-30-2011, 10:35 AM

Nice post and well, i want to say an interesting concept. But honestly to me it just looks and sounds like you were trying to make yourself look intelligent. It is 1.30am and i've been awake all day so maybe i'm not reading it right and if so please correct me. But the concept just seems to be how a relationship works when considering how the individuals interact. Two parties coming together and becoming one in a sense, the combination being considered stronger then the individuals. The mechanism, "safe word" although commonly associated with D/s relationships, bdsm play and so forth could be compared to more vanilla or some might say traditional relationships. For example the man wants to or tries something different the woman rejects the idea by saying no or another time, much like the safe word being used to say no, not now or stop.

I believe you failed to consider that this isn't just seated to the D/s relationship and is common in every relationship. Your basically talking about compatibility and how the parties work together to either become your "possibilty space" concept which is what most would consider the perfect couple of "soul mates" or fail and become individuals again.

If i'm wrong please tell me and try explain your idea in another way if you could.

07-29-2011, 07:35 AM	#1
FunWithNumbers88 Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: USA Posts: 11	Why I am drawn to D/s: Thoughts on Intimacy I want to explore the D/s dynamic for how it defines the possibility space of interactions between two individuals. Lets suppose that each person brings a space called their "intimacy space" to the table. Then lets define the "possibility space" as the intersection of two people's intimacy spaces. A D/s relationship provides the framework for which the possibility space can grow to become the union of both people's intimacy spaces, thus creating the highest level of intimacy (in the layman sense) I can imagine. By entering this dynamic, you are allowing for an unstructured exploration of the other's intimacy space. The possibilities for finding and exploring new things are then not limited by preconceived notions, or fears, and allow the possibility space to grow unbounded. Of course, the possibility space is bounded, as we are dealing with human beings who do have preconceived notions and seated fears. So, there is a mechanism by which this dynamic finds the current boundaries of the possibility space...the safe word. The safe word is meant to rescind these roles when one person feels like the other has crossed a boundary, thus highlighting it, and allowing the two individuals to actively discuss the issues that are creating the impediment to the growth of the possibility space. These boundaries may be so deep seated that they prevent the union of the intimacy spaces in any given instance, and thus it is not the case that the union is actually achieved in any relationship. But with enough trust and intimacy (in layman terms) other barriers can be deconstructed, and allow the growth of the possibility space to continue again. Thus the union of the intimacy spaces should be further defined as the limit of the size of the possibility space. It is the asymptotic final state that the D/s dynamic allows the possibility space to approach. The idea that it might be possible to achieve this final state with another person, and the fact that there is a mechanism by which it can be attempted, sinks me into the lifestyle in such a way that I simply can't look back. But also, I don't believe that any one person can fully explore their intimacy space by themselves, so one of the most interesting part of the dynamic is that the union of the intimacy spaces involves defining the intimacy spaces themselves! That is a truly exciting notion, and another huge draw on me into the lifestyle. Last edited by FunWithNumbers88; 07-29-2011 at 08:07 AM.

07-30-2011, 10:35 AM	#2
Jacko Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Perth, W.A Posts: 17	Nice post and well, i want to say an interesting concept. But honestly to me it just looks and sounds like you were trying to make yourself look intelligent. It is 1.30am and i've been awake all day so maybe i'm not reading it right and if so please correct me. But the concept just seems to be how a relationship works when considering how the individuals interact. Two parties coming together and becoming one in a sense, the combination being considered stronger then the individuals. The mechanism, "safe word" although commonly associated with D/s relationships, bdsm play and so forth could be compared to more vanilla or some might say traditional relationships. For example the man wants to or tries something different the woman rejects the idea by saying no or another time, much like the safe word being used to say no, not now or stop. I believe you failed to consider that this isn't just seated to the D/s relationship and is common in every relationship. Your basically talking about compatibility and how the parties work together to either become your "possibilty space" concept which is what most would consider the perfect couple of "soul mates" or fail and become individuals again. If i'm wrong please tell me and try explain your idea in another way if you could.