nervous...

obkc · 01-01-2012, 10:31 PM

so, i'm new to this forum, and new to BDSM as well... i have recently started a D/s relationship with someone, and i am having a hard time with a few things. first, we've not met yet, or talked on the phone even, but we have texted and e-mailed a fair bit. for the most part, i've always preferred to be dominated in bed, but i never considered myself submissive before, and often, guys would want me to dominate them... but i never could muster the motivation to really try it. i met my current "Master" online, and we both just sort of got into it... he hasn't ever had a slave before either... this definitely concerns me... so, i've been doing quite a bit of reading about it. anyway, i'm pretty nervous about the whole thing, and was hoping that anyone who would like to offer support might post here, or PM me. at the moment, things are not going as well as i would have hoped, i cannot tell if this is a stumbling block or a red flag that i am missing because i am so keen on the experience. i would also like advice/tips/personal experiences with what has worked for others when they were new. i have been reading through the tips posts thank you...

Erotisch · 01-02-2012, 12:56 PM

My thoughts: Unless the new Master is your actual real life boyfriend, do NOT go to a Master who has not had any experience at all (unless they have tried being a submissive at some point and have that type of experience behind them). It sounds to me like you are looking for something to turn into real life, and that is risky with someone who quickly becomes your master before becoming your friend. I only know this from trial and error -- many many errors. Be careful hun and don't do anything to put yourself in danger. And upon your first couple of times meeting, do it in a public setting so you can get to know them that way first!

obkc · 01-02-2012, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erotisch

My thoughts: Unless the new Master is your actual real life boyfriend, do NOT go to a Master who has not had any experience at all (unless they have tried being a submissive at some point and have that type of experience behind them). It sounds to me like you are looking for something to turn into real life, and that is risky with someone who quickly becomes your master before becoming your friend. I only know this from trial and error -- many many errors. Be careful hun and don't do anything to put yourself in danger. And upon your first couple of times meeting, do it in a public setting so you can get to know them that way first!

thank you for the advice,

i really appreciate all the input i can get at the moment... i definitely agree on the public meeting place, we have both agreed on that actually...

demonice · 01-02-2012, 11:47 PM

Hello. I wanted to share with you briefly because i am new to this as well. i did some reading and digging into the M/s relationship. I can say that there seems to be a misconception about what it means to be a Master/slave. It's not just about sex, and in order for it to really work, a slave must trust her master. without that trust, a Master will never really control the slave. my Master has encouraged me to seek out blogs and forums in order to learn more. i hope you will continue the discussion because i am looking to learn from experienced people _and_ new comers.

Thoughtwrangler · 01-04-2012, 02:10 AM

I don't know that I have a problem with your Dom being new. We all start somewhere but whether you're new to this or an old hand communication is key. Especially when beginning.

Talk about how you're feeling with him. Talk about what you like and what you don't like. I have some limited online experience and have had my pet since March 2011 but I still find myself adjusting things as she tells me what works for her and what doesn't.

Don't rush into things you're not ready for. If you don't feel ready to meet in person then tell him that and don't back down.

To sum it up you have three courses of action in my eyes. Do everything he says without question. It's a nice idea but not really the sort of thing you should do certainly not if you don't have a mountain load of trust in him. End it right now. Which keeps you from being pushed too far but could shut the door on a wonderful relationship. Or raise the issues and work with him to solve them. Any relationship requires work from both parties to flourish.

Best of luck however you choose to deal with it.

obkc · 01-04-2012, 02:16 PM

thank you all for your replies. communication is definitely key. i have brought up my issues with him, and he has been very sensitive to them so far. i think that for me, being so new, it is hard sometimes to even know what all of my limits are. i think that is a big part of what our problems were, but we've slowed it down a bit, and are discussing specifically that, more thoroughly now, much easier to relax this way! i don't feel like either of us are trying to rush things as far as meeting goes...

as a side note, being new to this sort of thing, i am really impressed by how warm, welcoming, and supportive everyone who has offered me advice/support has been! thank you all!

Alleistra · 01-05-2012, 10:49 AM

I definitely think it's a good thing to begin slowly. I knew my Master for six years before he finally collared me, and even still, we are taking it slowly. We have had a very deep emotional connection and close friendship for over half a decade, and the natural progression was this, and it works because I trust him, and he knows my limits. You weren't too specific. How long have you known your Master?
It shouldn't be too bad if he's new, but there's a difference between inexperienced and unable to fulfill your need for control.
Personally, as a slave, I seek that control because I do not want to have to worry about my thoughts so much. It is completely calming and refreshing to have someone tell me what to do. What motivates you to be a sub? What motivates him to be a dom? I think in asking yourselves these and continually researching, and learning together, it can be a very beautiful thing. Patience is key.

01-01-2012, 10:31 PM	#1
obkc Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 3	nervous... so, i'm new to this forum, and new to BDSM as well... i have recently started a D/s relationship with someone, and i am having a hard time with a few things. first, we've not met yet, or talked on the phone even, but we have texted and e-mailed a fair bit. for the most part, i've always preferred to be dominated in bed, but i never considered myself submissive before, and often, guys would want me to dominate them... but i never could muster the motivation to really try it. i met my current "Master" online, and we both just sort of got into it... he hasn't ever had a slave before either... this definitely concerns me... so, i've been doing quite a bit of reading about it. anyway, i'm pretty nervous about the whole thing, and was hoping that anyone who would like to offer support might post here, or PM me. at the moment, things are not going as well as i would have hoped, i cannot tell if this is a stumbling block or a red flag that i am missing because i am so keen on the experience. i would also like advice/tips/personal experiences with what has worked for others when they were new. i have been reading through the tips posts thank you...

01-02-2012, 12:56 PM	#2
Erotisch Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: US -- Eastern Time Zone Posts: 22	My thoughts: Unless the new Master is your actual real life boyfriend, do NOT go to a Master who has not had any experience at all (unless they have tried being a submissive at some point and have that type of experience behind them). It sounds to me like you are looking for something to turn into real life, and that is risky with someone who quickly becomes your master before becoming your friend. I only know this from trial and error -- many many errors. Be careful hun and don't do anything to put yourself in danger. And upon your first couple of times meeting, do it in a public setting so you can get to know them that way first! __________________ __________________________ i have a Dom. Please do not send me requests.

01-02-2012, 11:47 PM	#4
demonice Baby Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1	New Hello. I wanted to share with you briefly because i am new to this as well. i did some reading and digging into the M/s relationship. I can say that there seems to be a misconception about what it means to be a Master/slave. It's not just about sex, and in order for it to really work, a slave must trust her master. without that trust, a Master will never really control the slave. my Master has encouraged me to seek out blogs and forums in order to learn more. i hope you will continue the discussion because i am looking to learn from experienced people _and_ new comers.

01-04-2012, 02:10 AM	#5
Thoughtwrangler Account Banned Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 181 Blog Entries: 1	I don't know that I have a problem with your Dom being new. We all start somewhere but whether you're new to this or an old hand communication is key. Especially when beginning. Talk about how you're feeling with him. Talk about what you like and what you don't like. I have some limited online experience and have had my pet since March 2011 but I still find myself adjusting things as she tells me what works for her and what doesn't. Don't rush into things you're not ready for. If you don't feel ready to meet in person then tell him that and don't back down. To sum it up you have three courses of action in my eyes. Do everything he says without question. It's a nice idea but not really the sort of thing you should do certainly not if you don't have a mountain load of trust in him. End it right now. Which keeps you from being pushed too far but could shut the door on a wonderful relationship. Or raise the issues and work with him to solve them. Any relationship requires work from both parties to flourish. Best of luck however you choose to deal with it. __________________ "There are three paths to wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." - Confucious A bit about me. A bit more about me Discord: thoughtwrangler Proud to own this cunt

01-05-2012, 10:49 AM	#7
Alleistra Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 4	I definitely think it's a good thing to begin slowly. I knew my Master for six years before he finally collared me, and even still, we are taking it slowly. We have had a very deep emotional connection and close friendship for over half a decade, and the natural progression was this, and it works because I trust him, and he knows my limits. You weren't too specific. How long have you known your Master? It shouldn't be too bad if he's new, but there's a difference between inexperienced and unable to fulfill your need for control. Personally, as a slave, I seek that control because I do not want to have to worry about my thoughts so much. It is completely calming and refreshing to have someone tell me what to do. What motivates you to be a sub? What motivates him to be a dom? I think in asking yourselves these and continually researching, and learning together, it can be a very beautiful thing. Patience is key. __________________ collared. interested in learning more and meeting other people with similar interests, for funsies and stuff. >.>

01-04-2012, 02:16 PM	#6
obkc Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 3	thank you all for your replies. communication is definitely key. i have brought up my issues with him, and he has been very sensitive to them so far. i think that for me, being so new, it is hard sometimes to even know what all of my limits are. i think that is a big part of what our problems were, but we've slowed it down a bit, and are discussing specifically that, more thoroughly now, much easier to relax this way! i don't feel like either of us are trying to rush things as far as meeting goes... as a side note, being new to this sort of thing, i am really impressed by how warm, welcoming, and supportive everyone who has offered me advice/support has been! thank you all!