Newbies learn and read this if you are a Dom

[marijuana]

I get a lot of messages from submissives and Dominants. Most of the Dominants are new to the scene and have questions about being a Dominant, finding a submissive, and questions about my personal journey. This is mostly all information that can be found with a little google searching, book buying and kink class attending, but I don’t want to deter people from asking. Even if the info is pretty readily available, I applaud them for reaching out. I do this not just to help the new Dominants, but because of the submissives that message me.

I’ve received so many messages from submissives about a Dominants, Daddy Dominants and Daddies that just vanished on them, lost interest, or had no idea what they were doing but pretended that they did. We’ll start with that last one. Ok Doms and DD’s, let’s have a talk.

We were all new once. I'll be the first to admit it, I've screwed up too. As a Dominant I like to have control, and appear to be in control. That’s hard to do when everything is so new, and we don’t have a lot of the answers. I need to be the authority, she needs to bend to my will, and she is there for my pleasure, if I ask her what that means to her, I’m a weak or bad Dominant… right? I had those thoughts at first, but man was I wrong.

Luckily I quickly figured out that it was ok to not know some things, and that attending classes and discussion groups was a fantastic way to get info. Also, they happen to be a great way to meet people in the scene that might become potential partners. I also figured out later, that I was trying to live up to this ideal of what a Dominant is supposed to be rather than just being that Dominant that I am. Seriously, I've made plenty of mistakes. The key is to own them, apologize for them, and learn from them.

I know, I know, you’re naturally Dominant. It’s hard to not just always be the authority. Letting your submissive help guide you through some things does not feel comfortable to you. You don't like to show weakness, and I've been there. Look at it this way. You’re the Dominant. Be in control of yourself. Choose to learn and improve yourself. Take control of THAT.

Now… let’s talk about all these heartbroken submissives, and baby girls I hear from. If you are not sure if you’re a Dominant, if you are not sure if you’re a Daddy, be honest about it! If you’re curious, that’s fine. Be honest about it! Too many “Doms” and “Daddies” come in promising the world, only to vanish or lose interest. Think about the part of you that you’ve always been afraid to tell anyone about. It might be something you’re ashamed about, or extremely embarrassed about, and it also happens to be tied into your sexuality, and we all know how power things tied into our sexuality can be. Then imagine you finally think you’ve found the missing piece, the piece that completes you, doesn’t judge you, and best of all understands and shares these feelings. Then suddenly without warning, it’s gone. No warning, no explanation, or maybe a shitty line of bull that feels just as bad.

If you’re not prepared to invest the time and work into a relationship like this, don’t enter one. If you’re not sure if you can, BE HONEST. If you’re only interested in occasional play, BE HONEST. If you’re only interested in getting off and doing a scene that involves Dominance or Age Play because it sounds like fun, but you’re not interested in it for a relationship… BE HONEST. These women did not consent to being your experiment.

(Dynamics written as Male Dominants and female submissives because that is the interactions I’ve had. This could also apply to the reverse or any other combination.)

Thanks for all the love and hitting K&P! I just wish there wasn't a need to write this.

[m55uk4younger]

Nice informative post

[improper]

Imagine stealing a trending post from Fetlife 's Kinky and Popular section to post on another website and forgetting to delete the bit about "K&P" from the bottom. You'd look like such a microdick if someone noticed that.

[bleonav06]

Originally Posted by improper

Imagine stealing a trending post from Fetlife 's Kinky and Popular section to post on another website and forgetting to delete the bit about "K&P" from the bottom. You'd look like such a microdick if someone noticed that.

lmao no way thats too funny

[m55uk4younger]

mmm, well spotted, a cut and paste of others work?

[Wolf007]

Thanks for the intention of your post.
Besides, first you had to copy the whole thing, then you had to paste it here...i can imagine it took quite a few minutes.

Seriously though, it's all about the good intentions.

[Xtort]

I would say that the same thing applies to 'would-be' sub-missives as well. I have had quite a few say that they want to be dominated, only to find that they go *poof* after a few days. I find that this is not a good behavioral trait of a submissive (but typical for a girl out of highschool, or a sophomore in post secondary studies). If they informed me that things weren't working out, I'd be fine with that. Blowing off their dominant for another one just irritates the living hell out of me.

In short, there are two sides to the reason of why a D/s relationship didn't work out. Don't always blame the Dominant for the outcome.

[MeisterRebus]

Originally Posted by Xtort

I would say that the same thing applies to 'would-be' sub-missives as well. I have had quite a few say that they want to be dominated, only to find that they go *poof* after a few days. I find that this is not a good behavioral trait of a submissive (but typical for a girl out of highschool, or a sophomore in post secondary studies). If they informed me that things weren't working out, I'd be fine with that. Blowing off their dominant for another one just irritates the living hell out of me.

In short, there are two sides to the reason of why a D/s relationship didn't work out. Don't always blame the Dominant for the outcome.

I'll second that. I had the same experiences, especially these last weeks. The shortest time lap from "please, Sir, take me as your slave" until a complete *poof* was one hour and twenty minutes.... no comment. No information, no question, no reaction, nothing. What I call "The Copperfield move" seems to be in style with submissives right now. So yes, I also think it would be too easy to always blame the dominant part. I am living the lifestyle for twenty years now and I guess nobody could call me a newbie....