[Fiction] Melony.

[me_derek]

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[me_derek]

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[Saphir]

Hey

Good start so far, nothing very special but it has the potential to be a good-ish story. The content is rather standard so far, but that is not necessarily bad.

Formatting is good, it's easy to read.
Could be more detail, it's okay now, but it can be much better with more.

Language/Spelling...
You should really work on that. I usually don't comment too much on this because I'm not even a native speaker, but there are some things that you should just check before you post something. (Only gonna mark what I find on a second time reading...)

Originally Posted by me_derek

It was a long walk from Harry's house to the old abandon scout camp by the lake where Harry and his friends had there secret club house.

Harry and his school friends David Peter Paul and Mick followed the old over grown path that led to the camp site by the lake until they reached the old wooden picnic tables by on the hill that overlooks the lake where they stopped for a rest. (by on the hill? And this whole thing would be easier to put in 2 or 3 sentences.)

"Ok lets stop for five minutes and rest Peter replied as they all sat down at the table. (here and at other spots, your direct speech is pretty random and here you even forgot to finish the direct speech with " and in the next paragraph you forget a blank character - find a proper system to mark direct speech, otherwise it's not nice to read)

"Hey Harry have you noticed since we left your place we have had your little sister following us again"David said as he watched her trying to hide behind a tree about 300 meters away from them.

"Don't worry about her she can be a real pain sometimes when she follows us and wants to do everything i do but theirs not much i can do about it after all she is my sister and you have to expect that with little sisters" Harry replied as he called his sister over to them.

Melony quickly ran up to Harry and threw her arms around him to give him a big hug and said "don't make me go back its too far to walk by my self and i want to see your clubhouse."

"How do you know about our clubhouse its supposed to be a secret Paul shouted. (I have like no clue about commatas but shouldn't be one there? Also you forgot to mark direct speech properly again)

"I heard you talk about it this morning at my house.Can i see it please" Melony said as she hugged Harry harder.

"She will have to come with us now its too far to send her back by her self and she wont be any trouble"Harry told the others and as much as they didn't like it they knew Harry was right about his little sister so they let her tag along until they reached the old scout camp and the big log cabin they had made in to there clubhouse.

Originally Posted by me_derek

"Look Paul this box is full of old magazines" Mick said with a smile on his face.as he tipped the box onto the floor so they could sort through them.

One magazine caught there eye as all five of them got comfortable in a circle on the floor and started to look through the old magazine.

Aaargh xD their there they're you get it more wrong than right, don't you? ^^

The thing about the magazine from Germany is nice though...

Looking forward to reading more...

PS: Is it intended that we don't know the characters age? - Well they got to be young though... I can totally see turning this into something that would be considered controversial, outside of gD^^