Bad slave

Sf_viper1 · 05-13-2011, 04:45 PM

First post here, i know, but i have been into the "lifestyle" for a while a little background. we (me and slave) have been together for 6 years. vanilla for most of the time. except in the bedroom, things progressed steadily toward bdsm while we have been together.

a little while ago we decided to go the whole way. she committed to be my slave. i in turn commit to be her master. things were going good. normal speed bumps and adjustments. (as to be expected)

here is the big problem. i allowed her sister to come stay with us for a visit. (i think its important for her to spend time with her family) while she was here we got into an argument. (i felt she was not attending to her duties). not a huge deal. but the next day she told me she told her sister everything about us. we had agreed at the beginning that we were not ready to tell our families and that they probably were not ready to hear it. this is a huge deal to me, i feel that she completely violated the trust that we had.(not to mention broke about every rule we have) she admitted that she did it to spite me. and she even told her sister it would upset me. (so she knew what she was doing was wrong)

so what do you guys think about this? something i should just punish and move on? bigger issues? should i even be in a relationship with someone like that?

Master92 · 05-13-2011, 05:02 PM

i cant tell you what decision to make but id say she needs a very large amount of punnishment no matter what

Id. · 05-13-2011, 05:26 PM

You need to use your own judgment on this since only you know how your relationship is, how you communicate, how her behavior was relative to her normal behavior, etc.

But, just from what you said here I don't think this is the kind of thing you punish her for the way you would if she orgasmed without permission or something. It seems like she stepped outside of the boundaries of your slave/master relationship, and therefore I think you should address it outside of your slave/master roles. Perhaps the thing to do is step away from from the whole master slave thing for a moment and talk to her about it. Ask her why she did it and explain that it violated your limits and trust. See if she still has the same interest in being a slave or if she wants to alter the nature of your relationship or if it was something unrelated.

Either way, I wouldn't bail on a six year relationship because of this one incident, but you definitely need to communicate freely and openly to find out what is going on.

Beautifullymean · 05-13-2011, 05:34 PM

Looking at what you have put this doesnt seems like something to be punished in the slave and master sence, it is more a relationship problem between you and your other half. You need to sit down when your not doing anything bdsm related and have a good heart to heart, find out what it was that made her feel she needed to spite you, talk about the argument you had (was it bdsm related or not, if so then maybe you need to look at how you view your slave master relationship, because if it's getting to the point where she is actually trying to spite you over things it might be worth re evaluating how serious you take it or how you view it as a couple) and get to the bottom of it together. She has let you down as your other half, not as your slave. There is a key difference in that.

I would also talk about her motives and feelings about it, does she feel regretful? Does she realise how big a trust barrier she has broken? If not it's worth explaining how important to you it was to keep it secret. And possibly discuss with her having a conversation with your sister with all 3 of you to ask her to keep it to herself. If that seems appropriate of course.

I hope some of this has helped, but i don't claim to be a relationship expert.

Good luck,

BM

guy4fun · 05-13-2011, 06:16 PM

anyone who breaks my trust gets no second chance, i have been with me mrs for 10 years and if we had a relationship like that and she broke it thete woiuld be no turing back no matter how long we talked about it, the whole thing would be over

Sf_viper1 · 05-13-2011, 06:55 PM

Wow, thanks for the responses guys.

A little more info, she basically admitted to intentionaly pushing me, because she wanted me to assert my control. (which is consistent with what I have read about slaves as the adapt to there new circumstances). That is what happened earlier in the night. (she started a fight by not performing her slave duties) now that alone I would be fine with, she would be punished, and we would move on, but the other thing is a totally different issue.

Thanks again, keep the opinions coming, they are helpful.

Beautifullymean · 05-14-2011, 06:25 AM

Glad your getting to the bottom of it, I hope you sort it out and are happy as larry, it's not easy to find a good real life relationship that lasts and involves both vanilla and bdsm fun. Good luck

BM

05-13-2011, 04:45 PM	#1
Sf_viper1 Junior Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 3	Bad slave First post here, i know, but i have been into the "lifestyle" for a while a little background. we (me and slave) have been together for 6 years. vanilla for most of the time. except in the bedroom, things progressed steadily toward bdsm while we have been together. a little while ago we decided to go the whole way. she committed to be my slave. i in turn commit to be her master. things were going good. normal speed bumps and adjustments. (as to be expected) here is the big problem. i allowed her sister to come stay with us for a visit. (i think its important for her to spend time with her family) while she was here we got into an argument. (i felt she was not attending to her duties). not a huge deal. but the next day she told me she told her sister everything about us. we had agreed at the beginning that we were not ready to tell our families and that they probably were not ready to hear it. this is a huge deal to me, i feel that she completely violated the trust that we had.(not to mention broke about every rule we have) she admitted that she did it to spite me. and she even told her sister it would upset me. (so she knew what she was doing was wrong) so what do you guys think about this? something i should just punish and move on? bigger issues? should i even be in a relationship with someone like that?

05-13-2011, 06:16 PM	#5
guy4fun Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: UK Posts: 33	bdsm anyone who breaks my trust gets no second chance, i have been with me mrs for 10 years and if we had a relationship like that and she broke it thete woiuld be no turing back no matter how long we talked about it, the whole thing would be over

05-13-2011, 05:02 PM	#2
Master92 Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: USA Posts: 74	i cant tell you what decision to make but id say she needs a very large amount of punnishment no matter what

05-13-2011, 05:26 PM	#3
Id. getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: USA Posts: 486 Blog Entries: 4	You need to use your own judgment on this since only you know how your relationship is, how you communicate, how her behavior was relative to her normal behavior, etc. But, just from what you said here I don't think this is the kind of thing you punish her for the way you would if she orgasmed without permission or something. It seems like she stepped outside of the boundaries of your slave/master relationship, and therefore I think you should address it outside of your slave/master roles. Perhaps the thing to do is step away from from the whole master slave thing for a moment and talk to her about it. Ask her why she did it and explain that it violated your limits and trust. See if she still has the same interest in being a slave or if she wants to alter the nature of your relationship or if it was something unrelated. Either way, I wouldn't bail on a six year relationship because of this one incident, but you definitely need to communicate freely and openly to find out what is going on.

05-13-2011, 05:34 PM	#4
Beautifullymean Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: UK Posts: 35	Looking at what you have put this doesnt seems like something to be punished in the slave and master sence, it is more a relationship problem between you and your other half. You need to sit down when your not doing anything bdsm related and have a good heart to heart, find out what it was that made her feel she needed to spite you, talk about the argument you had (was it bdsm related or not, if so then maybe you need to look at how you view your slave master relationship, because if it's getting to the point where she is actually trying to spite you over things it might be worth re evaluating how serious you take it or how you view it as a couple) and get to the bottom of it together. She has let you down as your other half, not as your slave. There is a key difference in that. I would also talk about her motives and feelings about it, does she feel regretful? Does she realise how big a trust barrier she has broken? If not it's worth explaining how important to you it was to keep it secret. And possibly discuss with her having a conversation with your sister with all 3 of you to ask her to keep it to herself. If that seems appropriate of course. I hope some of this has helped, but i don't claim to be a relationship expert. Good luck, BM

05-13-2011, 06:55 PM	#6
Sf_viper1 Junior Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 3	Wow, thanks for the responses guys. A little more info, she basically admitted to intentionaly pushing me, because she wanted me to assert my control. (which is consistent with what I have read about slaves as the adapt to there new circumstances). That is what happened earlier in the night. (she started a fight by not performing her slave duties) now that alone I would be fine with, she would be punished, and we would move on, but the other thing is a totally different issue. Thanks again, keep the opinions coming, they are helpful.

05-14-2011, 06:25 AM	#7
Beautifullymean Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: UK Posts: 35	Glad your getting to the bottom of it, I hope you sort it out and are happy as larry, it's not easy to find a good real life relationship that lasts and involves both vanilla and bdsm fun. Good luck BM