Is there such as thing as a real power exchange?

Spanked · 10-03-2010, 11:39 AM

So what I'm asking that is whether a BDSM power exchange is "real", if the dominant actually has real power over the submissive, or the submissive has ultimate power to say "yes or no" in any situation. Does a submissive's will get whittled down and do they choose to let that happen?

Personally I'd say that BDSM is unreal in the context that the dominant and submissives are ultimately equals as all humans are, the concept that they are is created for the convenience of both partners. But then you are going all post-modernist about it you could argued that because you choose your own identity/reality , it is therefore it is real.

What do you think?

Stix · 10-03-2010, 02:08 PM

I think BDSM is as real as you want it to be.

BDSM is an extremely personal thing, and it will mean one thing to a certain subject, and something completely different to another.

As for the Sub being able to say Yes and/or No in any situation...The sub shouldn't ever have to say no, because the Dom should respect his/her limits. So in that sense, there is a mutual agreement...

I hope that's sort of what you were looking for...

(In my opinion)

Spanked · 10-03-2010, 02:22 PM

Sure, I'm just interested in people's opinions.

So, if people choose how real they want BDSM to be, can it really be real?

Hislily · 10-03-2010, 02:49 PM

I'm not really sure what I can say that hasn't already been said, but here goes.

I completely agree with the fact that a good Dom should understand and respect the sub's limits. That's just a given. Giving someone else complete control of your life takes a tremendous amount of trust, and forcing a sub past those limits breaks that trust. So in a sense, the sub kinda has the right to say no, but at the same time, they should never be in a situation where they need to. But hey, isn't that why safewords were invented? xP

But I feel the need to point out that while a sub should never be forced past those limits, there's nothing wrong with pushing them to try new things that they're not exactly comfortable with. What a sub may see as a limit may actually turn out to be something they enjoy, but that process takes time and most of all, trust.

So I guess what I'm getting at is, a good Dom needs to understand what his/her sub's limits are and not force them. Push them, yes. Force them, no. And a good sub should trust his/her Dom enough to try things that they are uncomfortable with or afraid of. While a sub can, in theory, say no... They should make every attempt to do whatever their Dom has them do.

Blah, I'm no good at these things. I really hope some of that made sense. I kinda got off topic there, but hopefully some of it is still relevant. ._.;

Mistress_Louisa · 10-03-2010, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hislily

Giving someone else complete control of your life takes a tremendous amount of trust, and forcing a sub past those limits breaks that trust...a good Dom needs to understand what his/her sub's limits are and not force them. Push them, yes. Force them, no. And a good sub should trust his/her Dom enough to try things that they are uncomfortable with or afraid of. While a sub can, in theory, say no... They should make every attempt to do whatever their Dom has them do.

I agree entirely. I think before you embark on any kind of BDSM activity, the two (or more) partners should have complete trust in one another. They should have discussed exactly what they like and dislike, what their limits are, and if necessary, agree on a safe word. Once these rules and feelings have been established, a good Dom/Sub partnership should work on mutual trust and understanding - in fact, my sub/bf and I now know each other's limits and natures so well, we haven't had to negotiate anything for a long time. I would never force something upon him I know he would find hurtful or would be outwith his comfort zone...but at the same time, we both understand that it's precisely that feeling of force and slight discomfort/pain that turns us on. It's about striking the right balance.

Calimero · 11-03-2010, 11:01 AM

This is a very interesting question, and one for me that I would have to say the answer is yes...
For us at least the power exchance is real... I give myself totally to my Master. I enjoy the power exchange though, as it is the only person that I would ever give up my control and will too..

10-03-2010, 11:39 AM	#1
Spanked Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 178	Is there such as thing as a real power exchange? So what I'm asking that is whether a BDSM power exchange is "real", if the dominant actually has real power over the submissive, or the submissive has ultimate power to say "yes or no" in any situation. Does a submissive's will get whittled down and do they choose to let that happen? Personally I'd say that BDSM is unreal in the context that the dominant and submissives are ultimately equals as all humans are, the concept that they are is created for the convenience of both partners. But then you are going all post-modernist about it you could argued that because you choose your own identity/reality , it is therefore it is real. What do you think? __________________

10-03-2010, 02:22 PM	#3
Spanked Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 178	Sure, I'm just interested in people's opinions. So, if people choose how real they want BDSM to be, can it really be real? __________________

10-03-2010, 02:49 PM	#4
Hislily Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 30	I'm not really sure what I can say that hasn't already been said, but here goes. I completely agree with the fact that a good Dom should understand and respect the sub's limits. That's just a given. Giving someone else complete control of your life takes a tremendous amount of trust, and forcing a sub past those limits breaks that trust. So in a sense, the sub kinda has the right to say no, but at the same time, they should never be in a situation where they need to. But hey, isn't that why safewords were invented? xP But I feel the need to point out that while a sub should never be forced past those limits, there's nothing wrong with pushing them to try new things that they're not exactly comfortable with. What a sub may see as a limit may actually turn out to be something they enjoy, but that process takes time and most of all, trust. So I guess what I'm getting at is, a good Dom needs to understand what his/her sub's limits are and not force them. Push them, yes. Force them, no. And a good sub should trust his/her Dom enough to try things that they are uncomfortable with or afraid of. While a sub can, in theory, say no... They should make every attempt to do whatever their Dom has them do. Blah, I'm no good at these things. I really hope some of that made sense. I kinda got off topic there, but hopefully some of it is still relevant. ._.; __________________ Happily owned. If you're dense enough to ask, be prepared to be shot down. Likes: Mild/moderate pain, spanking, anal, temporary marks, bondage. <3 Dislikes: Humiliation, severe pain, ice, shaving. Limits: Pee, poo, family, public, animals, illegal, electricity. Oh yes, I have an Elekid. What now? <3

11-03-2010, 11:01 AM	#6
Calimero Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 16	This is a very interesting question, and one for me that I would have to say the answer is yes... For us at least the power exchance is real... I give myself totally to my Master. I enjoy the power exchange though, as it is the only person that I would ever give up my control and will too.. __________________ Calimero - Slave to Masterq81

10-03-2010, 02:08 PM	#2
Stix getDare Devil Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 1,018	I think BDSM is as real as you want it to be. BDSM is an extremely personal thing, and it will mean one thing to a certain subject, and something completely different to another. As for the Sub being able to say Yes and/or No in any situation...The sub shouldn't ever have to say no, because the Dom should respect his/her limits. So in that sense, there is a mutual agreement... I hope that's sort of what you were looking for... (In my opinion)