Anatomy of a good Mistress

[Mistress_X]

I'm still trying to get the hang of being a domme but I still lack the confidence to jst go and be it...which is the number thing I need! lol
Can anyone give me their own lists of what they think makes ups the personality of a good dominatrix?

[LondonLad]

You need to make the submissive feel comfortable! That's a big one in my view, if I don't know who i'm dealing with then i always feel less inclined to submit and worry more about what i'm doing.

[d206s]

I have quite a bit of experience with the 'lifestyle'.
In my humble opinion, a good Mistress is strict and specific.
The need to respect limits is a given, but pushing the limits a bit never hurt either.
Although sometimes it might ..............lol

Regards

[d206s]

PS:
Feel free to PM myself if you wish to explore this further.

[Bittenkiss]

the main thing is to know what you want - and stick to it. You're supposed to be the one in charge, the one who is being served and getting what she wants. Think of it from a sub's PoV - they want control, they want to be told to do things, they want to be told to do things they wouldn't do by themselves.

So, bearing in mind the sensible limits and compromises for things the sub really doesn't want, you need to start making decisions and keeping the sub to them. So the next question is - what are you getting out of this? amusement? entertainment? arousal? Whatever it is, do more of it. That way you get to be the domme you are, and not something you're not. If you try to 'provide the experience' for the sub, it'll be obvious and the sub won't respect you (though this can be ok for a play session, it's not going to last).

[TensionRoom101]

It's primarily about what you project. I know a number of ProDommes, including some that are in their private lives submissive to their own Dom, or bullied by their husbands for example. However, when they have a sub at their command they are upright, firm and in control. They've got something about their deportment, poise and attitude that just says 'I know what I want from you, and you want to give it to me'.

Of course, a lot depends on if you're talking about real life face to face submissives, whether you're thinking of doing it professionally, or predominantly online.

Cocky confidence, falling just short of arrogance will get you a long way. Though you do have to be able to back up that confidence with some ability.

[MasterPain]

I think the true test of being a good Dom is in the listening and learning about the particular submissive you are with. As in vanilla relationships, no two people are alike or want the same things. What attracts a man and a woman is universal whether vanilla, D/s, S/m, B/D I believe. One thing I am attracted to is an independent, self assured woman that can't deny her craving to submit. Knowing this about her gives me the perspective to dominate her in a way that she finds pleasing and encorages her to continue.

"A true dominant will respect your needs and limits, and give you the submissive experience that you want most. While the sadist will simply hurt you repeatedly, simply for their own pleasure, whether you enjoy or deserve it or not."

[slapen]

I am a weird sub as I get turned off by a cocky, arrogant domme who only sees her own way as the right and correct way.

Being a domme to someone is like any other relationship really, you have to work at it, share your likes/dislikes, get to know eachother until playing with eachother becomes comfortable and natural. Once the trust has grown the domme should push his/her sub to go further and basically learn from eachother.

Being a domme means you take the lead and decide whats gonna happen once the scene or playing starts or during life in general. But a domme should listen to her sub as should the sub to his/her domme. The sub should feel honored to be allowed to be submissive to you and the domme should feel honored in the same way. If there is no bond or relationship then its not really possible to push someone without that bond. Without that bond its just a fun playtime but simply not the same as when you have a bond with someone.

[Babyneedspunished]

Originally Posted by Mistress_X

I'm still trying to get the hang of being a domme but I still lack the confidence to jst go and be it...which is the number thing I need! lol
Can anyone give me their own lists of what they think makes ups the personality of a good dominatrix?

Originally Posted by LondonLad

You need to make the submissive feel comfortable! That's a big one in my view, if I don't know who i'm dealing with then i always feel less inclined to submit and worry more about what i'm doing.

Make them comfortable yes, but not so much to the point where they get lax and think they can get away with things with you. Always keep them on their toes, if you find the right balance between this and comfort you will be enticing and addicting to whatever subs/slaves you have. You also have to keep them under control by teaching them that you're in charge regardless of if they are submissive or full slave. They have to know NOT to cross you. Plus if you communicate with them (guys are harder to maintain a friendship with because there's lots of ding-dongs that never want to go farther than you suffocating them with degradation which is fine if both parties agree; there are plenty of ding-dong girls as well) anyways, if you are able to communicate with them this will create a bond that helps them gain more and respect for you. If they are personally just meant to be a fucktoy then the way to communicate would be to inform them some things you will be doing (keeping some surprises of course) and if they are being punished for a wrong they did explain to them (this goes for any sub/slave); but also you can experiment things on them to see if you like it before you use it on serious subs/slaves. For serious submissives with limits or special slaves you feel that you have a connection with, really ask them questions find out more about them to have a deep understanding for them (you can do this with fucktoys as well) because as long as they respect you and obey you it's ok to build a friendship with them; you will have a deeper connection. Now, sorry for all this writing just needed to elaborate so hopefully you will understand and it will be helpful. If you need to chat, you can always PM me. Good luck to you XD

[big_ben]

I was applying for a position with this online domme who will always stock in my mind I think. One reason is that it was really my first time trying to become a slave. Second, she was just amazing,mat least for the few weeks we talked.

The first thing she did was accept me into her application process at all. She had already closed her thread down officially for a day when I stumbled across it. It was so well written and soap pealing that I couldn't resist PM'ing her. I acknowledged that her thread was closed so instead of asking to be made an exception, I asked to serve as her secretary since she was undoubtedly bombarded with messages. We takes for a few days and she did something remarkable, she said that since I was so respectful and cooperative that she would make an exception for me and accepted me into the beginning of her trial process.

Now, the trial process itself was amazingly well thought out and actually dove right into the D/s relationship from the get to but without the intensity to scare me off. She did this by giving us a task that would continue on for the whole trial process that I would have to report on every day (edging each day i.e. one edge the first, two the second and so on). However, she didn't stop there, she also gave me questions, sometimes a single question sometimes a questionnaire, that I ad to answer along with my report. Finally she set a specific time frame (6-9 E.S.T.) that all this had to be turned in by.

All this accomplished her goal of not only getting to know me better but also getting me to trust hr and learn about her style of domination. Unfortunately it didn't work out due to unexpected time constraints in my personal life. However, I was immediately at ease with her and I looked forward to my edgings, my reports and answering her questions Becuase of her strong yet easy going personality.