A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
How long does it take to say "Hi"?
I need to rant ...
I think this might go on a few different tangents, but the main point of the post is exactly what the title says: How long does it take to say "Hi" or "I am busy and can't talk for a few days".
I understand that everybody has a life outside of getDare and outside of kink. I do too! Life can be busy and all consuming, and you can feel like you don't have two seconds to breathe, never mind have a conversation with somebody.
However, when you have entered into a relationship of some sort with somebody, or even hope to do so, I don't understand not having time to just say "Hi" or tell them that you are busy. Being busy really is no excuse for just disapearing for days on end without explanation.
Obviously there are exceptions: if you have a medical emergency, there is a death in your family, your power is out because of a natural disaster ... these are all valid reasons and with a simple apology "Hey, I am so sorry that I disapeared, xyz came up", all will be forgiven.
But disappearing for three days because you had a visitor, or got busy at work, or whatever, just isn't acceptable. Not without an explanation. It doesn't take long to give a brief heads up.
And I don't think you need to do this to all of your contacts every time life gets busy. There are certain people who I can go weeks without talking to and that is ok, They are the people who I will leave their messages unread until I get the time to respond. But the people I talk to everyday, my family, my sub, my close friends, and anybody I am considering for a trial to be my Dom, I would let them know.
When I don't hear from them for days, without a valid explanation, my first thoughts are those of worry. But my second thoughts are that I am not important enough to them to care about letting me know. And I don't need those people in my life.
Just a side note: the same can be said for people who disappear for other reasons. For example, maybe they found another sub to play with, or maybe they just don't think you will be a good fit. How hard is it to say that! I am not going to harass you about it, but TELL ME!!!! I hate being left on the hook and not knowing. It is so frustrating!
The end.
I think this might go on a few different tangents, but the main point of the post is exactly what the title says: How long does it take to say "Hi" or "I am busy and can't talk for a few days".
I understand that everybody has a life outside of getDare and outside of kink. I do too! Life can be busy and all consuming, and you can feel like you don't have two seconds to breathe, never mind have a conversation with somebody.
However, when you have entered into a relationship of some sort with somebody, or even hope to do so, I don't understand not having time to just say "Hi" or tell them that you are busy. Being busy really is no excuse for just disapearing for days on end without explanation.
Obviously there are exceptions: if you have a medical emergency, there is a death in your family, your power is out because of a natural disaster ... these are all valid reasons and with a simple apology "Hey, I am so sorry that I disapeared, xyz came up", all will be forgiven.
But disappearing for three days because you had a visitor, or got busy at work, or whatever, just isn't acceptable. Not without an explanation. It doesn't take long to give a brief heads up.
And I don't think you need to do this to all of your contacts every time life gets busy. There are certain people who I can go weeks without talking to and that is ok, They are the people who I will leave their messages unread until I get the time to respond. But the people I talk to everyday, my family, my sub, my close friends, and anybody I am considering for a trial to be my Dom, I would let them know.
When I don't hear from them for days, without a valid explanation, my first thoughts are those of worry. But my second thoughts are that I am not important enough to them to care about letting me know. And I don't need those people in my life.
Just a side note: the same can be said for people who disappear for other reasons. For example, maybe they found another sub to play with, or maybe they just don't think you will be a good fit. How hard is it to say that! I am not going to harass you about it, but TELL ME!!!! I hate being left on the hook and not knowing. It is so frustrating!
The end.
Total Comments 21
Comments
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Very true. Sadly, I have to admit to being guilty of this earlier this year. :-( (Obviously not with you, but was guilty of it back in June...)Posted 09-14-2017 at 11:18 AM by Blue Fox 
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Quote:Originally Posted by Ze'Rehan
Very true. Sadly, I have to admit to being guilty of this earlier this year. :-( (Obviously not with you, but was guilty of it back in June...)
Bad! *spanks you*Posted 09-14-2017 at 11:24 AM by Butterfly
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I can certainly relate to that, but in a different way. Barring few exceptions I always feel I am the one who have to start any conversation with people, and if I don't they'll just slowly forget I exist.
I guess it's less of "How long does it take to say "Hi"?" and more of "Why am I the one who always have to say "Hi"?", and that makes me feel I am uninteresting or unimportant to people...
Well, sorry about the tangent.Posted 09-14-2017 at 11:40 AM by qmu
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Eeep! *winces and rubs my bottom* I know... I'm a bad person. And it was on GD that I did that.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
Bad! *spanks you*
Posted 09-14-2017 at 11:49 AM by Blue Fox
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Qmu, I know exactly what you mean! There are several friends (most of them, actually) that, if I don't message them via text or send an e-mail, I won't hear from them for MONTHS (if not longer...) at a time. .... Actually, most people it's like that.Quote:Originally Posted by qmu
I can certainly relate to that, but in a different way. Barring few exceptions I always feel I am the one who have to start any conversation with people, and if I don't they'll just slowly forget I exist.
I guess it's less of "How long does it take to say "Hi"?" and more of "Why am I the one who always have to say "Hi"?", and that makes me feel I am uninteresting or unimportant to people...
Well, sorry about the tangent.
Just know, Qmu, that we all love hearing from you. :-)Posted 09-14-2017 at 11:50 AM by Blue Fox
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Been there, done that got the tee shirt. It happened to me with a male Dom who I was considering subbing to and after giving me a task and a punishment that certainly didn't fit the crime, I tried getting him to respond to me on two separate occasions and he didn't respond either time so I just broke things off. I mean typing two words or as you said "I'm kind of busy right now." It's not that difficult. Of course it's not that difficult to type the two additional letters to make the word "you" proper but that's on another tangent. But I agree if something comes up where you can't take the five seconds to say x is happening, you may want to loosen up your schedule.Posted 09-14-2017 at 12:06 PM by Komodo Jones
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Quote:Originally Posted by Komodo Jones
Been there, done that got the tee shirt. It happened to me with a male Dom who I was considering subbing to and after giving me a task and a punishment that certainly didn't fit the crime, I tried getting him to respond to me on two separate occasions and he didn't respond either time so I just broke things off. I mean typing two words or as you said "I'm kind of busy right now." It's not that difficult. Of course it's not that difficult to type the two additional letters to make the word "you" proper but that's on another tangent. But I agree if something comes up where you can't take the five seconds to say x is happening, you may want to loosen up your schedule.
I'm assuming you gave him more than a day or two to respond, too. If after a week he still hadn't responded... Yeah, issues. (Says the pot. I disappeared for 3 months. So, I was WAAAY in the wrong.)Posted 09-14-2017 at 12:19 PM by Blue Fox
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I am super guilty of this! On both sides. If I leave my phone untouched over night or even for a few hours, I will come back to 10+ messages minimum. So it is hard for me to keep up with all of those messages and notifications and then ALSO pursue other conversations and relationships. So I tend to forget to reach out to people I have not spoken to for a few days or even weeks. Of course, this isn't the people that I am in a D/s relationship with etc. but I do feel bad.Quote:Originally Posted by qmu
I can certainly relate to that, but in a different way. Barring few exceptions I always feel I am the one who have to start any conversation with people, and if I don't they'll just slowly forget I exist.
I guess it's less of "How long does it take to say "Hi"?" and more of "Why am I the one who always have to say "Hi"?", and that makes me feel I am uninteresting or unimportant to people...
Well, sorry about the tangent.
I also sometimes start to feel the way that you do. If I am the one starting the conversation or keeping it going, then I feel like I am being a bother, or I am unimportant and I will tend to back off and just disappear.Posted 09-14-2017 at 01:38 PM by Butterfly
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That is awful!Quote:Originally Posted by Komodo Jones
Been there, done that got the tee shirt. It happened to me with a male Dom who I was considering subbing to and after giving me a task and a punishment that certainly didn't fit the crime, I tried getting him to respond to me on two separate occasions and he didn't respond either time so I just broke things off. I mean typing two words or as you said "I'm kind of busy right now." It's not that difficult. Of course it's not that difficult to type the two additional letters to make the word "you" proper but that's on another tangent. But I agree if something comes up where you can't take the five seconds to say x is happening, you may want to loosen up your schedule.
Yes, proper spelling is a completely other issue that also irks me!
I do agree that if you don't have a few minutes each day to say Hi to somebody who is supposed to be important to you, then you probably don't have time for a relationship at all! Of course, like I said, things do come up or there are busier times than others, but still, a few words can mean a lot to somebody. Especially online. It lets me know you are alive!Posted 09-14-2017 at 01:42 PM by Butterfly
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You've said it well. I think we've all been there. Irl and online. I think it is easier for someone to ignore online - it is too easy. Far too many just come and go without a sound or a trace. It is especially hard when we've invested ourselves fully and not had the same in return.
Time to take a drive through Banff on a sunny, fall day and breathe and clear the head!Posted 09-14-2017 at 09:22 PM by thewilds
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These are the things that I hate most about being here.
The worst thing is when you check someone's profile and you know that they've been online and they still haven't had taken the time to give you a quick hi or give you any explanation about their lack of communication. I'd rather someone tell me they weren't interested than just leave me hanging.
There's nothing worse than feeling like you're not worthy of someone's attention.
And I agree with gmu, it gets exhausting when you always seem to have to be the initiator. When you're not it's like a breath of fresh air and restores my faith in this place, but it doesn't happen often.Posted 09-15-2017 at 12:02 AM by Masterwants
Updated 09-15-2017 at 12:04 AM by Masterwants -
Yes, or knowing they have read the message but are ignoring it!Quote:Originally Posted by Masterwants
And I agree with gmu, it gets exhausting when you always seem to have to be the initiator. When you're not it's like a breath of fresh air and restores my faith in this place, but it doesn't happen often.
The other thing that is more awful than you having to be the initiator, is when people only initiate when they want to use you to get off. So really you are only as good as a free hooker. Bleh.Posted 09-15-2017 at 04:55 AM by Butterfly
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I'm carrying out an experiment. My best friend S is a bit lazy about replying, so I thought I'd see how long it takes for him to /initiate/ contact. (It's always me who sends that first "hi, how are you", after which we get a conversation going [he lives abroad these days].) It's a good experiment. He was a bit busy when I mailed him last time, but he said he would be back to me shortly. That was over five years ago. I guess he's very important these days.
I've now extended the experiment to other of my (former so-called) friends. It's very informative.Posted 09-15-2017 at 11:15 AM by Cstelle
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Hi !
In all parts of life there seem to be those who never initiate, or follow up, but only react or respond. We can't let it change who we are, and must not let it annoy us too much.
Posted 09-16-2017 at 09:48 AM by MarvHarvey
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*peers around the corner*
*whispers*
*whispers softly*
Hi
*little wave*Posted 10-13-2017 at 08:37 AM by madl
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Hi stranger!!!! Don't you just run away on me now.Quote:Originally Posted by madl
*peers around the corner*
*whispers*
*whispers softly*
Hi
*little wave*Posted 10-13-2017 at 08:50 AM by Butterfly
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Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
Hi stranger!!!! Don't you just run away on me now.
LOL Always meeting new strangers!Posted 10-13-2017 at 03:32 PM by Blue Fox
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We are actually long time friends but he hadn't been around much as of late so it was lovely seeing him. Unfortunately he doesn't stick around too long so I'm afraid he is gone again until next time.Quote:Originally Posted by Ze'Rehan
LOL Always meeting new strangers!
Posted 10-13-2017 at 04:18 PM by Butterfly
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Obviously, not calling back must be very difficult to impossible for such peopke. Why else would they not do it? And, I admit my own guilt here. Sorry.
Posted 10-13-2017 at 05:26 PM by CSasha
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Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
We are actually long time friends but he hadn't been around much as of late so it was lovely seeing him. Unfortunately he doesn't stick around too long so I'm afraid he is gone again until next time.
Ah. Ooops. My bad. Well, glad you got to say hi to your friend again!Posted 10-13-2017 at 05:42 PM by Blue Fox
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I would never run away from you! I have my login saved so I can come back more easily nowQuote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
Hi stranger!!!! Don't you just run away on me now.
I'm so glad you had a lovely honeymoon. You make my heart smile!Posted 10-15-2017 at 04:20 PM by madl
