Aftercare need felt but not justified
I don't know if what I'm about to describe is a common sentiment, if it's valide or not, but it never hurts anyone to share.
Some days every part of my body screams I need aftercare, and I can't honestly always justify why. I feel like I want to disconnect from the BDSM world, I can't bring myself to wear my Ownership symbols and looking at them makes me feel bad. I feel a strong need to wear something comfy and casual and cute and colorful and, just surround myself with cozy and clean and soft and comforting things. I want to sleep, watch tv shows, be left alone. Maybe take a calming tea or other things.
And that's basically what I consider feeling a need for aftercare, as far as my humble 1 year of online BDSM experience goes. It is mostly about mental recovery for me, my body might need a bit of stretching and a warm bath for muscle aches and I don't care much for bruises and that sort of physical things.
My mind needs the aftercare the most and it tells me when it does, however sometimes I don't know why it does, it's not always after the most intense of sessions that I feel those needs. There has been times I've had what I would consider intense-ish sessions for me, and yet not really experience any of those needs afterwards, I might even be prompted to take care by a Dom and kind of reject it because I personally don't feel like I need to take care of anything.
Then there's those times in which I might say I'm dropping or I need to do aftercare and I feel inside of me like the Dom might be wondering what the hell did we even do that was so bad that you would need that ? I can't justify it, we might have not done anything recently, but my body tells me that it needs it.
Am I supposed to do forced aftercare when I have absolutely no need for it so that it fits in the box, or do it when I do feel the need it for it even if logic can't explain why ? That's what I ask myself sometimes, and being someone who often goes with instinct, I don't need to be too sure of the answer to still go with what I feel.
However it can always seem a bit wrong, a bit like I'm being dramatic when I do aftercare or say things like I need a break when there doesn't seem to be a good reason to explain it.
Quite frankly there could be endless explanations for why this happens, maybe I experience things with a delay, maybe other things such as my menstrual cycle and life happening and even my sleep, diet, overall physical health and state of fatigue from day to day could impact the way and the timing of these things.
I don't believe in rationalizing everything, and having to be completely precise in our actions, like some sort of an equation that says the aftercare should be proportional to the play and happen at a specific time (t), the body and the mind are too complicated to be treated so industrially. I think I just need to accept this very fact and go with the flow like I always do but without second guessing it or feeling guilty or like it's not valide.
Some days every part of my body screams I need aftercare, and I can't honestly always justify why. I feel like I want to disconnect from the BDSM world, I can't bring myself to wear my Ownership symbols and looking at them makes me feel bad. I feel a strong need to wear something comfy and casual and cute and colorful and, just surround myself with cozy and clean and soft and comforting things. I want to sleep, watch tv shows, be left alone. Maybe take a calming tea or other things.
And that's basically what I consider feeling a need for aftercare, as far as my humble 1 year of online BDSM experience goes. It is mostly about mental recovery for me, my body might need a bit of stretching and a warm bath for muscle aches and I don't care much for bruises and that sort of physical things.
My mind needs the aftercare the most and it tells me when it does, however sometimes I don't know why it does, it's not always after the most intense of sessions that I feel those needs. There has been times I've had what I would consider intense-ish sessions for me, and yet not really experience any of those needs afterwards, I might even be prompted to take care by a Dom and kind of reject it because I personally don't feel like I need to take care of anything.
Then there's those times in which I might say I'm dropping or I need to do aftercare and I feel inside of me like the Dom might be wondering what the hell did we even do that was so bad that you would need that ? I can't justify it, we might have not done anything recently, but my body tells me that it needs it.
Am I supposed to do forced aftercare when I have absolutely no need for it so that it fits in the box, or do it when I do feel the need it for it even if logic can't explain why ? That's what I ask myself sometimes, and being someone who often goes with instinct, I don't need to be too sure of the answer to still go with what I feel.
However it can always seem a bit wrong, a bit like I'm being dramatic when I do aftercare or say things like I need a break when there doesn't seem to be a good reason to explain it.
Quite frankly there could be endless explanations for why this happens, maybe I experience things with a delay, maybe other things such as my menstrual cycle and life happening and even my sleep, diet, overall physical health and state of fatigue from day to day could impact the way and the timing of these things.
I don't believe in rationalizing everything, and having to be completely precise in our actions, like some sort of an equation that says the aftercare should be proportional to the play and happen at a specific time (t), the body and the mind are too complicated to be treated so industrially. I think I just need to accept this very fact and go with the flow like I always do but without second guessing it or feeling guilty or like it's not valide.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I think you hit the nail on the head. I often go with instinct and go with the flow, but also and analyze quickly/logically .
I also just ask. Sometimes when people look at each other it's limited. They look at each other like a picture frozen in the moment or mementos of the past, instead of something that grows, learns, and evolves. You can't judge or sentence a point of the river because it's already something else and somewhere else. Anyway, I understand what you mean.
You are responsible and self aware and have a good mind. Keep it up. I hope you feel better.Posted 08-10-2023 at 03:25 AM by Goddess Joanna 
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Most subs know the after affects of an adrenaline crash and the time is takes for both the adrenalin and increased endorphin to burn off after a session but few are aware of another factor that can affect you as a sub and it can often go far beyond the most extreme endorphin experience.
I simply call it the deep bond that is produced between a sub and a Dom that makes a long term commitment so pleasurable. It's what a sub experiences when they have an intense focus upon their owner and the sub wants nothing more than to please their Dom. It leads to a state of mind that is known as "flying" and it is probably the most profound experience a sub can have.
Knowing the way you love to please a Dom is such a great need of yours, I would not be surprised if those emotions are also playing havoc on your body as well. And those emotions can happen at any time, not just at the end of a session.
But, you already summed up the perfect answer right in your 2nd last paragraph, I just wanted to give you a little background. You do not have to explain when or why you need that aftercare. You just know you need it. That's reason enough.Posted 08-10-2023 at 09:29 AM by FrostbittenSoul 
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I agree with the concept of 'when you need it, you need it' and this dosent need to be rationalised (like you say).
I want to throw out a couple of other things.... should there be 'forced' after care after a big session, even though you don't need it = I don't see this as a bad thing. It may even head off a lot of stuff before it bubbles up as drops etc can often be a few days before they are apparent.
Also... what after-care are you providing your dominant and what responsibility do you have to them in that capacity?Posted 08-10-2023 at 03:18 PM by Bear21
