We've all gotten that message from a Twue Dom declaring us to be their newest slave. There are so many blogs on this subject, the ridiculous messages we'll get with orders to refer to them as Master. It's like they don't see us as human. Just another potential slave. Doesn't matter if you're a dom or a sub, they've decided that you're a slave, their slave no less, and they are the greatest master you're ever going to have.

We all know those annoying messages, but that's not my subject...

I was nervous that night, that much I remember clearly. He and his wife were nice and had watched me casually try out impact with a friend. They'd both said I had a nice ass and shortly after that, he started texting me.

They were looking for a girl to add to their dynamic and I was very new, so he talked about doing an impact scene with me, my first scene. There's a huge difference between the types of things I'd done previously and what he was asking to do. Sceneing is much more intense,...

I have a very conservative and religious family. Sex is not discussed, ever. I was never given 'The Talk' but rather I figured out how sex worked on my own. I wasn't ever told about masturbation or why it was apparently bad (spoilers, it's not bad, masturbation is awesome). My mother hates the porn industry, hates sex scenes in movies, and hates it when women wear low cut tops on TV.

This made things a bit difficult when we started discussing Fifty Shades of Grey.

Many...

So, you're one of those people.

Sure, you're different on the outside. Maybe you identify as a dom (sorry, Dom) or is it Master? Supreme Lord of all submissives? Or maybe you're a sub, not only that, you're a slave as well. The dirtiest most worthless slave ever. You deserve the harshest punishment anyone can give you. Well, as long as the punishment is from your likes. Maybe you're a guy or maybe you're a girl (or a guy pretending to be a girl).

It doesn't matter because...

Recently read something about abandonment issues that kind of struck home for me so I figured I'd delve into it.

I tend to get into 'I'm sorry' loops and it's been happening quite a bit lately. "I'm so sorry. I'll be better. Please don't leave me. I just want to make you happy, I'm sorry. I fucked up, sorry. Please don't be mad, I'm really sorry. I'll be a good girl, please don't leave. I'm sorry."

I wish I could say that I wasn't emotionally fucked up, but that...

I recently got injured when I did a scene a few weeks back. Now, the people who know how I play might assume it was from impact. I got hit with a mallet in the wrong spot or was beaten for too long, but no. This injury was from my first suspension and I was a total idiot.

To begin with, I'm not super experienced with rope or with the guy who tied me (the rigger), in fact, this was the first time he and I had ever really played. That alone can be dangerous but still easy to manage if I'd...

Recently I've been thinking about my life and the things I've accomplished and how much everything has changed these last few years.

Three years ago, roughly, I was an idiotic girl who wanted to die. I was just a kid (still kinda am, 20 ain't that old) but I was kinda destroying everything. Depression is a horrible illness and mine was taking over. I didn't have any plans after high school, I was barely making it to class, couldn't drive because of my anxiety, my friends were a bit awful,...