Topic 2: BDSM, what it is and what it entails.

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline; dominance and submission; sadism and masochism. Being a part of getdare means we come across all of this on a daily/regular basis. In fact this post as much as it seems innocent is a part of the dominance and submission term, Master told me to write an essay, I do. So let’s go into more detail.

Bondage and discipline: typically this is seen as a fun way for sex. The submissive partner (boy or girl) is tied to a stationary object or bed. This then restricts their movement and allows the dominant partner unrestricted access. Usually bondage leads to teasing and edging of the submissive as although they have movement they are limited and are entirely reliant on the dominant to have mercy on them and allow them to cum or to have sex. Although bondage is typically used for sexual interaction it can also be used in other ways. Bondage is used in both private and public humiliation. In private a submissive may wear a crotch rope or full body harness to feel dominated by someone or because it pleases a dominant. Likewise in terms of hidden public a crotch rope or full body harness may be worn under clothes (with or without underwear, loose or tight fitting). It also means that a submissive doesn’t necessarily need to be in a D/s relationship as they are able to tie crotch ropes/full body harnesses themselves and go out by choice. More extreme forms of public bondage could include forcing a submissive outside completely tied up, gagged and blindfolded, handcuffed/ankle cuffed or tying them to a tree naked. However all bondage must be done consensually. Discipline seems a bit unrelated to bondage but bondage can be used as discipline. Discipline involves the act of inflicting pain on a partner usually if a dominant is unsatisfied with a submissive’s performance or if a submissive has broken an agreed rule. Discipline includes flogging, spanking, caning and whipping is seen as punishment for breaking a rule, especially after its use in schools and the navy until it was abolished in the majority of countries (corporal punishment). A common discipline form in a D/s relationship is mouth soaping as the offender is forced to suck on a bar of soap that has been immersed in hot water to wash out ‘foul language’. It is commonly used for swearing or impoliteness to serve as a reminder to not swear and be polite. Discipline could also be seen as psychological so the use of bad language and criticism could be used to punish a submissive. Another psychological discipline is corner time which leaves the submissive alone with their thoughts, reflecting on their ‘poor’ behaviour and thinking of how to improve. This often allows the submissive the chance to think and improve as it is dull and for most unfulfilling (unlike some who enjoy whipping etc). A final form of discipline is bondage and where the link between the two comes in. A submissive can be disciplined by being tied up in an uncomfortable bondage position and left alone to experience the pain.

Dominance and submission: Now most of us on here are more than happy to admit that ‘yes I’m a sub’ or ‘yes I’m a Dom’. In fact I reckon most of us are on here because we are subs or Doms as we can find like-minded people to talk to and find our partner in BDSM. I’m quite happy to admit to being a submissive and my Master is happy to admit to being dominant. Neither of us has any inclination to even try the opposite (although I know some people do). Submissive’s have several ‘pet’ names which include bottom, slave, slut, bitch, whore, pet, little, girl, and boy. Likewise dominants have several names for themselves which include Daddy, Master, Sir, Miss, and Top. Usually dominant names have a capital letter at the beginning and submissive names lose the capital regardless of being at the beginning of a sentence or not. The key thing with dominance and submission is that you need to find the right person for you. For a submissive this is someone who accepts your limits and won’t break them but will push your likes to the extreme and gently encourage the relaxation/bending/breaking of limits. For a dominant it is about finding someone who has similar interests to you and getting to know what makes your submissive tick so you can both get what you want out of the relationship. Quite often a dominance and submission relationship takes the form of role-play whereby the dominant is in charge of the submissive. This includes pet play where the submissive takes the form of an animal and the dominant their owner and childplay where the submissive acts like a little child or baby and the dominant is their mummy/daddy as well as the typical maid, servant, slave type roleplays. Occasionally it can take the form of a jail role-play whereby the submissive is the prisoner and subjected to ‘punishment’ by the warden (dominant) although this is more often used is sadism and masochism relationships.

Sadism and masochism: As much as we are all quite happy to admit to being dominant or submissive we are less likely to admit to being a sadist or masochist purely because of what it means. A sadist is someone who likes inflicting pain on others by hitting, spanking, whipping or torturing them. A masochist is someone who enjoys receiving pain in sexual play (they don’t often enjoy receiving pain through medical procedures or general injury/accident). There is a lot of stigma behind these two words as the words originally meant that distress had been caused to one or both parties and it was non-consensual. Now however it is used in a consensual relationship by some people. Typically a sadist is a dominant and a masochist a submissive. Their relationships are very similar to that of a dominant and submissive but the focus is on pain whereas pleasure is the focus of the other, with pain used as punishment/discipline.

This last line brings the cycle back round to the beginning and links all three separate terms into the one. BDSM. There are many types of play in BDSM and a couple work out their interests together, however the most common types are:
Bondage
Cock and Ball Torture (CBT)
Control
Erotic electrostimulation
Edgeplay
Flogging
Golden showers (urinating)
Medical play
Predicament bondage
Sexual roleplay
Spanking/Whipping
Strap-on play
Suspension
Torture
Tickle torture
Wax play

Personally in my own D/s relationship, BDSM is a huge part as my Master has control over my lifestyle with the use of command words, clothing, toilet usage and others. He also enjoys bondage and then torturing me/edging me while I get aroused and frustrated. Roleplay is also key as often I act out as a professional stripper, cat or naughty schoolgirl as part of our relationship.