Opinionated Brat to Mindless Fucktoy.

I'm a huge brat. I like to irritate AM, to bug him, to drive him insane. Just today I responded with a "Mr Butthead." instead of "Sir." In the middle of a quick play scene. Even though when I did so I was fairly sure the pain on my nipples would become even worse than it already was. I hate nipple pain, but that didn't stop me. And it did get worse, but I still giggled.

So when AM suddenly told me something along the lines of he knows what I can and can not do, what I can be pushed on and what I can't and as such my opinion is no longer relevant or wanted because I am just a mindless set of holes...well.

First I didn't know what to say. Then I wanted to slap him. (Although I believe the words I ended up saying were "mysogenistic pig.") Then I thought about my curioisty with bimbofication/objectification. And how I wanted to explore it but wasn't sure how to...precisely because I am a brat, I am stubborn, I am opinionated. And I have no problem with letting that be seen or known. Ever.

But...I did want to explore this! Very much. I was a little confused, though. I wanted to explore it yet at the same time I couldn't decide if I resented being called mindless or being told my thoughts meant nothing. It was very confusing for me.

So...I decided to just go with it. I would never learn if I enjoyed if I didn't try, would I? So the next time AM said something similar and I asked when he became a misogynist, a snippet of the conversation went as follows:

AM: but see - there is a problem with your bimbo logic
Icy: which is?
AM: a misogynist thinks this is true of all females - i know that it is only you who is a mindless, worthless fucking whore
Icy: well I'm a bimbo what do you expect

(PSA. Anyone who comments or inboxes me anything like the above will get their eyes clawed out. I shouldn't have to state that but the past has proven otherwise. AM is allowed. No one else is. You were warned.)

And with that response of mine...well, yes I may have gotten a little wetter than I already was. Maybe. Possibly. Just a tiny bit. And the next few things he said to me were answered with a simple "yes Sir." Usually they would be accompanied by sarcasm or brattness. But...I didn't want to. Which is a surprise in itself, I never thought there would be a time when I didn't want to brat. I wanted to explore it a little more. I was still on the fence about some of the things AM said, and still am even now. But I wasn't actively resenting certain words or phrases anymore and I was allowing myself to slip further into the mindset where the only thing I had to do was obey.

That was also new to me. Despite being a self proclaimed brat, I think I am mostly well behaved. I always obey and try my best...but never stop thinking about things. Whether that's the order I am following at the time, or how I might look or how I'm feeling, or what AM is currently thinking. My brain never switches off, unless I end up in sub space which is rare. So whilst obeying wasn't new to me, obeying without thought or questions or opinion was. It was a little strange.

But even though it was a little strange, it was also...nice. Nice to just let go. Not to think. Just...do. Just be. I diidn't have to think of anything else, all I had to was what I was told.

Of course I still answered a later question in a slightly sarcastic manner, whilst managing to be polite about it and accomodating. That wont ever change, I wont ever be a robot. And if I thought AM genuinely thought the things he said to me outside of play, outside of arousing me, we wouldn't last long. And he'd be short a penis too.

But to include it within play? To explore it a little further than I have, even with my slight reservations about it? To just switch off and just do and just be? I'm looking forward to exploring the dynamics in more depth.